


go for it

by anxiousAnarchist, asokkalypsenow



Category: Kamen Rider Drive
Genre: Canon Typical Spit Takes, Fix-It, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Speedrun, the gimmick is there is no gimmick, this is not a tool assisted run
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 07:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21370651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousAnarchist/pseuds/anxiousAnarchist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/asokkalypsenow/pseuds/asokkalypsenow
Summary: The Plan was simple:Get Chase back.Keep Chase safe.Show Chase the variety of human experience.Well, it’d sounded simple.
Relationships: Chase | Mashin Chaser & Heart Roidmude, Chase | Mashin Chaser & Shijima Kiriko, Chase | Mashin Chaser/Shijima Gou, Shijima Gou & Nishihori Reiko
Comments: 19
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome. . . welcome to our Drive World. We're so happy you joined us here. 
> 
> Just to give a heads up re: spoilers: beyond obviously everything in Drive, there's Hefty Spoilers for the Drama CD, all the V-Cinemas, Surprise Future, and the Ghost crossover. You certainly don't have to have SEEN all of these things to Appreciate the Love, but we will reference them, so like. . . go listen to the Drama CD real quick. Man, the Drama CD, am I right guys? There's one chapter that has a good deal of Cameo Appearances from other Kamen Riders but we'll deal with that when we get there. 
> 
> And a heads up re: warnings: Gou obviously is like, you know. He's Like That. He's got a Mild Internalized and there's reference to the fact that he's done Poorly in the past but beyond that I can't think of anything? This is a pretty soft M-for-Mature but there's ~~sexual content~~ later on. 
> 
> Anyway. Imagine this takes place several months after the Mach V-Cinema (we have several compelling reasons for this timing) and that the Mach V-Cinema took place in early-ish 2017. We had a lot of fun writing this, fuck cops, all you need is Drive.

Gou woke up from yet _ another _ dream about getting Chase back with the sour taste of defeat in his mouth. He refused to open his eyes. It was just so frustrating -- despite the years he’d spent working towards Chase’s revival, despite all the deliberation and planning and testing, the end goal still seemed so distant. When Gou first started having the dream it’d been a pleasant one, aspirational even. But now, imagining Chase in front of him felt cruel.

This iteration of the dream had been even more detailed than usual, as if to mock him. Not only that, but he’d felt different? Instead of feeling vaguely relieved and happy he’d felt some sort of weirdly intense desperate emotion he didn’t care to name at the moment. He usually didn’t cry that much either. Ah well, it’d all be gone as soon as he opened his -- 

Gou scrambled off the bench and stumbled across the room. What he saw didn’t compute for a few seconds. Rinna sat at her usual station, typing away: yes, okay. Kyu’s clutter littered corners of the room: that still checked out. Hypnos looked out at the Drive Pit from the computer monitor farthest away from the door: also normal. But --

Rinna spun around in her chair. “Ah, you’re awake!” she said. “About time, it’s been almost six hours.” 

Gou pointed to the other person in the room, incredulous. 

Rinna nodded and smiled. 

Gou looked back and forth -- Rinna to the other person, back to Rinna, threw a glance over at Hypnos for good measure. Hypnos’s icon _ also _nodded. 

Gou made a wordless sound of confusion. He felt like he was losing his goddamn mind. 

“Gou,” said Chase. 

“Chase?!” said Gou.

“What? Did you forget already, Gou?” said Rinna. “That was fast. Maybe we should check to make sure you won’t pass out again.” 

It was starting to come back to him a little. “I didn’t _ pass out _,” he said. He staggered closer to Chase, who he kept expecting to disappear at any second. “Chase, you’re back.” 

“Yes?” said Chase. 

Gou hugged Chase, who patted him on the back awkwardly enough that Gou knew he had to be real. Dream Chase was much better at hugging. Kano Koichi would never have let him get this close.

“You must’ve been really out of it,” said Rinna. “Shinnosuke and Kiriko left ages ago. We’ve finished all the diagnostics too -- thanks for all the help with that by the way -- and as far as Hypnos and I can tell, everything checks out! Chase is squeaky clean.” 

Rinna had been there for him for so long -- picking up his slack, if he was to be honest. He never could have gotten this far without her help. Or Kyu’s. He should really get that guy a card or something. “Thanks, Rinna.” 

Rinna yawned. “Oh, it’s fine, it’s only four in the morning. Not like I have any beauty sleep that I need to be catching up on.” 

“Seriously, thank you,” said Gou. “What would I do without you? Or without you, Hypnos. Is there anything left that you want me to handle?” 

Hypnos’s voice came out of the computer speakers. “Rinna and I have a few small matters to attend to, but nothing that would require your assistance.” 

“You’d just slow us down! And I want to go to bed!” said Rinna. “Get out!”

“You really should go home now, Gou, and get some rest,” said Hypnos. 

Gou wanted to make a joke about Hypnos and sleep, but he still felt like he was absolutely losing it. “Alright, alright, I’ll get outta your hair.” He started walking towards the door, and was almost there before he noticed Chase wasn’t following him. “Chase, what’re you doing?” 

Chase looked wary. “I am not sure. It is unclear to me what I should be doing. Am I required to vacate the Drive Pit as well?” 

Right. Gou assumed that Chase would just follow him because that had been an integral part of The Plan for ages. The Plan was simple: 

  1. Get Chase back.
  2. Keep Chase safe.
  3. Show Chase the variety of human experience. 

Well, it’d sounded simple. “Ah, right-- Chase, you can come with me.” 

It was so nice to see Chase just standing there, terribly stiff as always. He looked confused, like he was out of his depths, and Gou felt a pang of guilt. Maybe he’d made a decision for Chase that he shouldn’t have. But Chase had seemed to regret that he could not spend more time with humanity; surely he wanted to be back, surely this wasn’t just monstrously self-serving on Gou’s part. He supposed it was too late to worry about that now: Chase was back, so it was Gou’s responsibility to make sure that everything went smoothly from here. 

“Where are we going?” asked Chase. 

Gou went over to Chase to see if he could gently steer him towards the door. “You’re going to come stay with me for a little while. You know, instead of running off to go live under a bridge somewhere. Not that you have to stay for longer if you don’t want, but it’d make everyone feel better.” 

“Longer than what?” asked Chase, who proved fairly hard to budge. 

“Y’know, _ longer_,” said Gou. “Besides, it’s my fault that you’re around, you know?” He laughed, but the laugh sounded hollow even to his own ears. “I should put you up.” 

Chase still looked confused. “I do not need sleep, sustenance, or shelter except from the most extreme of elements,” he said. “And I still do not know what timeframe is being specified in this instance.” 

Gou couldn’t lose track of Chase again, not so soon after finally getting him back. There were so many variables, so many scenarios where something awful happened to Chase -- Gou would know, he’d thought about each and every one of them. He’d make or break the second step of his brilliant three step plan right here and right now. 

Or Rinna would for him. “What Gou means is that we all want to keep making sure that everything is a-okay with you. And I have to go home, and Gou needs to go home, and Hypnos needs to defrag. So if you’re okay with it, it’d work out great if you stayed with Gou for at least a day or two!” 

“And then after that, I guess if you really wanna live under a bridge you can,” said Gou. “Please don’t, though.” 

Chase looked at Rinna for confirmation. Rinna, endlessly helpful collaborator that she was, gave him the thumbs up. 

* * *

Gou had felt great during the drive back to his apartment -- buoyant, lighter than he had in years, full of something hesitantly approaching optimism -- but as soon as he got inside all that energy left him. He really did have to stop staying awake for four days straight. Well, he wouldn’t have to now. He’d done it. He’d gotten Chase back.

He shouldn’t relax too much, though -- something disastrous could still happen. What if he hadn’t thought of every potential point of failure? What if all of the precautions he’d developed over the years to prevent a repeat of the incident with Hypnos weren’t enough? What if Chase would only remain operational for forty-eight hours and Gou ended up spending most of that time asleep? What if Chase simply decided to leave and not come back? 

“Come on, get inside,” said Gou. “Make yourself at home.” 

Gou attempted to give Chase a tour of his apartment, but rapidly realized there wasn’t a lot to show him. It wasn’t like Gou ever spent that much time in the place; there was a couch and a table and some chairs and the desk he did all his photo editing at and not much else. Mostly Chase lingered over the pictures Gou had taped to the wall at one point or another and startled Gou by being around. He did a double take every time he saw Chase out of the corner of his eye; his internal reality hadn’t quite caught up to the rest of the world yet. Years of hoping made him doubt his vision. 

Whatever. He had to shake it off. He should probably eat. Gou went into the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal. He opened the fridge. He looked at the milk. He looked at the expiration date on the milk. He closed the fridge. He got a spoon. 

Fortunately for Gou, Chase wouldn’t realize that it was weird that he was eating dry cereal out of a bowl with a spoon. He would just stand there and watch Gou valiantly struggle to direct food into his own mouth, which was surprisingly difficult all of a sudden. Why had he purchased a whole gallon of milk? 

Gou leaned on the kitchen counter and looked out the window -- at some point it’d started getting lighter out. “What time is it even?” he mumbled around a mouthful of cereal. 

“The clock says it is 5:02 a.m. at the moment,” said Chase. 

Gou jumped at the noise, cereal catapulting out of the bowl. “Chase! You startled me.” 

“I have been standing in the same spot for the last five minutes,” said Chase. “Are you doing alright?” 

Gou stared at Chase. “Huh? Me? Yeah, I’m doing great!” he said, turning away. “I should make some coffee. You know, gotta get ready to greet the day!” 

He never quite made it to the coffee maker. 

* * *

Gou woke up from yet another dream about getting Chase back with the sour taste of defeat in his mouth. The dreams were getting worse, more elaborate and lifelike with every new iteration. Had he really dreamed that Chase stood there and watched him eat dry cereal out of a bowl? There had to be something wrong with him. 

He was in his bed, which was surprising -- last he remembered, he’d been hard at work with Rinna, Kyu, and Hypnos. They’d been so close to _ something _, he was certain of it. As for how he’d gotten back home, he wasn’t sure. Was he losing time again? 

Well, that seemed like a problem for another day! It didn’t really matter, as long as he’d written down whatever it was that he’d figured out before he’d left. Gou fell out of bed and lurched to the doorway, propping himself up on the frame. “I gotta get back to the Drive Pit.” 

“Kiriko said you were banned from the Drive Pit for at least two weeks,” said Chase. 

Gou staggered backwards, only managing to stop himself from falling by holding onto the doorframe for all it was worth. He pointed at Chase. “You’re. . . sitting on my couch. . .” 

“I told you, I do not sleep,” said Chase. 

“You. . . are here,” said Gou. He did not let go of the doorway. It was all that stood between him and madness.

“Gou. Are you okay?” 

Gou exhaled, walked over to the couch, and dropped down next to Chase. “Hah,” he said. He looked down and shook his head to clear his thoughts before looking at Chase. Having him nearby helped. “Of course I’m okay! Never been better.” 

Chase looked skeptical. “You seem disoriented.” 

Gou shook his head. “No, I remember now. . . I just thought it was all a dream, you know?” 

“Do you often dream about falling unconscious while attempting to make coffee?” asked Chase. 

Gou yawned. “Oh, is that what happened? No, I dream about--” He stopped. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just still surprised it’s finally done.” 

Chase had this way of scrunching his face up just a little when he was confused that was nice to see again. “I am surprised that I was revived as well.” 

He had spent years trying to perfect his many and varied apology speeches, but now that the moment to deliver them had arrived they were all flying out of his head. “You’re important to a lot more people than you might think. And I owed it to you, for how you saved me and how I treated you. I never acted like you were my friend, even though you were. And I regretted that a lot. And I missed you.” 

Chase continued to look confused. “I see,” he said. 

“Now that you’re back, we can do things, you know? If you want. Normal people things.” Gou yawned again. “I had a whole speech about experiencing the world and stuff, but I’m very tired and can’t remember it.” 

“You should go back to bed,” said Chase. 

Panic spiked through Gou’s momentary sleepy elation. “Do not leave the apartment,” he said. “I mean, I -- I respect your autonomy, obviously, and if you gotta go you gotta go but. . . don’t leave until I’m awake enough to convince you you shouldn’t, okay?” 

“I will not leave the apartment,” said Chase. 

Gou suddenly felt himself on the verge of tears. He couldn’t tell why, exactly -- Chase was here, so everything _ must _be fine. Anything besides happiness was wrong. 

“Gou?” asked Chase. 

“Sorry,” said Gou, ineffectually scrubbing at his face. “It’s just, I got you back for real this time. I gotta make sure it takes.” 

Chase put his hand on Gou’s shoulder. That hand was the realest thing he had felt in years. “Gou. I will still be here when you wake up.” 

Gou’s eyes kept closing. “Fine,” he said. “Can’t make it to the bed. Gotta sleep here.” 

And, for the third time that day, he passed out. 

* * *

“Shinnosuke and Kiriko said we should come over for dinner,” said Gou.

Life had taken a number of surprising but pleasant turns for Chase over the last twenty-four hours. For one, he was alive. Additionally, Gou seemed to now accept that he and Chase were friends, as Chase had long known that they were. Chase was not sure what the impetus for Gou’s change in behavior was, but it was a welcome one nonetheless. And now he was being invited to see the Tomaris.

He felt that he was being prompted to input a response. “I would like to see them,” he said.

“Don’t tell them about the whole collapsing thing, okay? Kiriko worries about me enough.” 

Chase nodded. Lies to family he understood. 

So they went over for “dinner.” Chase could not eat “dinner,” but he understood it was an important social gathering for humans. He had enjoyed times he had been able to participate in meals in the past. It felt good to be included. 

When Kiriko answered the door, she seemed to experience a moment of dissonance despite the fact that they had seen each other just yesterday. She appeared to be crying. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s still strange to see you after so long.” 

Chase had observed yesterday that several of the humans he had had prior acquaintanceship with had begun to cry when they saw him again. He was not sure if this was indicative of a problem or simply a sign of deep emotion, and was unsure of how to respond. 

Gou patted his sister on the shoulder and pushed past her into the house. Chase followed him. Shinnosuke was also inside their home, and Chase greeted him.

“I cannot consume solid foods, nor do I need to, but I am glad to have been invited to this social gathering,” he said. 

Shinnosuke scratched the back of his head. “You’re welcome?” he said.

He also patted Chase on the shoulder. There was a higher incidence since his return of humans touching him briefly in nonviolent ways. It was not unpleasant. Gou had embraced Chase after he returned and remained by his side until he had lost consciousness due to exhaustion (or “taken a nap” as Rinna had put it). Chase had not expected Gou to do any of the many things he had apparently done in Chase’s name, especially had not expected the way Gou had seemed anxious in that moment of not having a hand on Chase’s elbow or back or shoulder. 

“So. . . how’s it going?” asked Kiriko. 

“You saw me yesterday,” said Chase. 

“Yeah, but how’s it been going since yesterday?” asked Kiriko.

Chase looked at Gou, and then back to Kiriko. “No exciting incidents happened.” 

“Shijima Gou!” said Kiriko. 

Kiriko attempted to grab ahold of Gou as if to reprimand him, but he dodged away. “What?!” he asked. “Like Chase said, no exciting incidents!” 

“Did you pass out _ again _?” asked Kiriko as she lunged at Gou.

“Ah! Nee-chan, leave me alone! I’m fine!” 

Shinnosuke entered the room again carrying an infant. “Guys, please, think about the furniture,” he said, as both Shijimas attempted to engage in tactical gymnastics. 

“We’ll talk about this _ later_, Gou,” said Kiriko. 

“Chase, do you want to hold him?” asked Shinnosuke, indicating the infant that he held. Chase assumed this was Tomari Eiji. 

Chase looked at Kiriko and Gou. They both nodded. “Yes,” he said. 

Shinnosuke instructed him in the proper method of holding Tomari Eiji. 

“He is much smaller than the last time I saw him,” said Chase. 

“Uh. . .” said Shinnosuke.

Shinnosuke apparently did not realize that he was trying to make a humorous comparison. “I understand this is not that Tomari Eiji,” said Chase. 

“Uh, oh, okay,” said Shinnosuke. 

Chase felt as if it was appropriate to comment positively on Tomari Eiji, but did not know the exact sort of comment that would be best. “He seems to be a structurally sound infant,” he said. “Though he does not appear to have a sufficient number of teeth.” 

“Babies usually don’t get all their teeth until they’re a few years old,” said Shinnosuke. 

“Ah, all is well then,” said Chase. He addressed the baby. “You continue to be structurally sound, Tomari Eiji. Well done.” 

Tomari Eiji reached up and pulled on Chase’s hair. “Be careful, Tomari Eiji,” said Chase. 

Gou was hovering right behind Chase now. “Don’t get too comfortable with him or Kiriko’ll start making you babysit too,” said Gou. 

“What is ‘babysitting?’’ asked Chase.

“It’s where you watch a baby or a young child when their guardians aren’t present. Eiji’s really little so he still can’t do most things himself,” said Shinnosuke. “You do things like feed him and make sure he isn’t in danger and keep him entertained.” 

“But you have to change diapers,” said Gou. “And deal with him crying.” 

“Shut up Gou,” said Kiriko. “Chase, you don’t have to babysit if you don’t want to.” 

Protecting young Tomari Eiji sounded like a rewarding task. “I would enjoy watching over Tomari Eiji,” said Chase. 

“Better you than me,” said Gou. He had rotated around to Chase’s side so he could make faces at Tomari Eiji. “I love Eiji but I never know what to do with the little guy when he starts bawling.” 

It made sense to Chase that Gou would find this distressing.

“If Chase is babysitting, you’ll probably be here too,” muttered Kiriko. 

“Huh?” asked Gou.

“What?” said Kiriko. “Did you say something?” 

“I couldn’t hear what you said, Nee-chan.” 

“Oh, look, I think dinner’s probably ready!” said Kiriko. 

The Tomaris and Gou settled in for “dinner.” Chase appreciated that Shinnosuke set a place for him with utensils and a plate, despite the fact that he would need neither. 

There was primarily silence for a minute as everyone else started eating. Chase sipped his water. 

“Y’know, everyone’s going to be excited to see you again,” said Kiriko, mouth full. 

“Everyone?” asked Chase.

“All the other Kamen Riders are going to want to meet you too,” said Shinnosuke, waving his chopsticks around. 

“All. . . of them?” asked Chase.

“There’s quite a few,” said Kiriko. “Let’s see. . . there’s Tenkuji Takeru and Fukami Makoto -- do you remember them?” 

The memory was hazy, but he recalled vaguely the time he had helped dispatch several. . . ghosts? “A little,” said Chase.

“Oh, you remember that?” asked Gou. 

“Takeru’s a good kid,” said Shinnosuke. 

“--And there’s Souma and Nitou, I don’t know them very well but I’ve met their friend Shunpei a few times,” said Kiriko. 

“The pushover?” asked Gou. 

“Yes, that one,” said Kiriko. 

“Nitou’s alright,” said Gou. “And who else?”

“There’s Hino Eiji, but he’s not always around. He’s got a. . . a friend too,” said Shinnosuke.

“We don’t talk about him,” said Gou. 

“And Goutou and Date,” said Kiriko.

“We don’t talk about _ them _ either,” said Gou. 

“Captain Terui, of course,” said Shinnosuke, sitting up a little straighter. 

Finally, a name that Chase recognized. “From Futo. You met before.” 

“I love that guy!” said Gou. “He’s so uptight. And Kiriko’s friends with his wife. And he’s got those other friends who are Kamen Riders, they’ve been doing it for forever. Uh, besides that I guess there’s Ryuusei, he’s cool. And Gentarou -- he comes with a whole snack pack of pals.” 

“It is good that you have managed to make connections with other Kamen Riders,” said Chase. “There seems to be. . . more of them than I might have thought.” 

“That was a lot to dump on you, wasn’t it? Someone made a chart or something, I’ll find it for you,” said Gou. He put his arm around the back of Chase’s chair. “Sorry buddy, I can only spare you so much from our extended social circle. I know you probably don’t like. . . like, parties, but one _ will _happen at some point.” Gou pondered for a minute. “Maybe I can at least convince someone to convince someone to get Gentarou to postpone it until we have another Roidmude back.” 

“I’ll text Kengo,” said Kiriko, pulling out her phone.

Chase felt overwhelmed. “This ‘Gentarou’ would throw a party for someone he had never met?” asked Chase. 

Gou laughed. “Oh absolutely.” He patted Chase on the shoulder. “He’s been dying to for forever. I’ll try and shield you from the attention as much as I can, but a lot of people have heard about you at this point.” 

“They have?” 

Gou shrugged. “I may have talked about you some.” 

At this point in the meal Kiriko and Shinnosuke both seemed to have difficulty swallowing the water they were drinking. This indicated to Chase that something was amiss about what Gou had said, or that perhaps it was a fact that Kiriko and Shinnosuke found shocking or disturbing in some way. Chase did not know why what Gou said would qualify as such. 

The conversation moved on once Shinnosuke and Kiriko recovered. Chase felt like he did not have much he could contribute, as much had happened to everyone else since they had last met, and very little had happened to Chase. 

After dinner, Kiriko informed Gou that she and Gou would be doing dishes together. Shinnosuke ushered Chase out of the kitchen. Gou and Kiriko must need “family time.” 

This presented Chase with the opportunity to speak with Shinnosuke that he had been looking for. He had been attempting to ascertain what potential threat lurked unremarked upon in the shadows since his return yesterday -- surely danger was imminent in some way, if he was back. Shinnosuke would tell him, even if Gou would not. 

“Shinnosuke, may I ask you a question?”

“Uh, of course Chase,” said Shinnosuke. He seemed ill at ease. “Is it gonna be one of the hard ones?” 

The question would be a straightforward one. “Unless you have all participated in a concerted effort to hide the truth of the matter to me, there is no troubling Roidmude activity occurring at this time. Since this is the case, what threat needs our attention?” 

Shinnosuke looked bewildered. “What? Chase, everything’s just fine.” 

This made no sense. “There is no imminent threat that requires our intervention? The last two times I was revived, it was a temporary situation necessary because of an ongoing crisis. I would like to resolve the issue as soon as possible.” 

“Two times?” asked Shinnosuke. He shook his head. “You know what, forget I asked. The important thing is: no, there’s no secret world ending catastrophe that I know of -- that we’re responsible for, at least -- there’s nothing to fight.” 

Chase felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It did not make sense that he felt this way, as fighting to protect humanity was the natural state of things for him. Perhaps his relief stemmed from the fact that humans were not in danger. Yes, that made sense. But that sensation quickly abated: of course humans were still in danger, Roidmudes or no Roidmudes. The world was a dangerous place. “What should I do now?” 

Shinnosuke sighed and furrowed his brow before looking at Chase. He sucked in his breath, put his hands on his hips, and looked thoughtful for a moment before saying: “Well, whatever you want, I guess!” 

As much as Chase respected his good friend Tomari Shinnosuke, who had fought alongside him and believed in him when few others had, sometimes he uttered statements that bordered on the obtuse. Did he not understand the question? Why would Shinnosuke not tell him where he could be of use?

“Whatever I want?” asked Chase. 

He nodded. “Yep! And I guess you gotta start by figuring out what ‘what you want’ looks like now.” 

Chase nodded, though he did not feel as if he fully comprehended the meaning of Shinnosuke’s words. “Very well,” he said, and walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any opinions the Shijimas express re: Shunpei are their own and not ours, we are a PRO SHUNPEI HOUSEHOLD.


	2. Chapter 2

So: Chase was back, Chase was safe, his location and condition had been properly reported to the parties who were most likely to want to know how he was doing. Now it was time for Step Three of Gou’s plan. Step Three was simultaneously the step he felt most and least prepared for: _ most _ experiences for Chase would be new experiences (and thus fulfill the requirement of “showing Chase the variety of human experiences”) but what would Chase actually _ want _ to do? Gou had made a number of lists over the years, but the first thing to pop into his head was something that hadn’t been on any of them. 

“You should get a library card,” said Gou.

Gou didn’t think that Chase would care to _ use _ a library card, but the license had clearly meant a lot to him, had been a physical representation of his metaphorical place in the world. Pieces of plastic with your name on them could be comforting. 

“A library card?” asked Chase. 

Gou shrugged. “Yeah, you know. In case you wanted to use the library. Or just have something else that’s yours. I thought it might be nice to walk around a bit and there’s a library nearby, so we could go get you one, if you wanted.” 

“This is similar to a license to acquire books,” said Chase. 

“Yeah, I guess you could put it like that?” said Gou. 

The weather was pleasant; they walked to the library to get Chase a card. He didn’t get any actual books or anything; that wasn’t quite the point of the exercise. 

After that it only seemed sensible that Chase have a wallet, if he was going to keep accruing the detritus of everyday living. Besides, Gou enjoyed buying things for him.

Chase picked a purple leather wallet.

“You know, you don’t _ have _ to pick stuff that’s purple,” said Gou. “What’s your favorite color?” 

Chase held the wallet very carefully in his hands. “Purple is the color of Mashin Chaser and of Signal Chaser.”

Gou laughed, nudged him with his elbow. “I can respect your commitment to your brand, but that doesn’t mean it has to be your _ favorite_.” 

Chase looked at Gou as if he was an idiot. “Purple is the color of Mashin Chaser and of Signal Chaser,” he said. 

And really, who was Gou to argue with that? Purple it was. 

Their walk back took them past plenty of scenery that had long ago become a flat backdrop for Gou; static and devoid of meaning. Imagining how Chase might see things changed his relationship to the environment and he found himself trying to track exactly what Chase’s eyes went to, what caught his attention. Right at that moment it happened to be a movie poster for some period drama. 

“Man, no one ever took you to a movie or anything, huh?” asked Gou.

A movie, a roller coaster, ice cream -- Gou shook his head to clear his thoughts. His mind would wander back to _ that _ dream every time he attempted to plan exactly how to best introduce Chase to the more pleasant parts of life, even though he had long settled the matter in his own head. Of course his dream would interpret his desire to take his cute friend different places as a “date,” that was a logical framework that made sense. And naturally he thought Chase was cute -- everyone did. He couldn’t let weird recollections of “dates” that hadn’t even actually happened distract or detract from his goals. He could take Chase places to do human activities and it would be normal, non-date like, just two good buddies. Two best friends. 

“Gou?” asked Chase.

He had to stop staring off into the middle distance during conversations. He clapped Chase on the shoulder. “Zoned out there. Hey, you wanna see a movie? Or go to a petting zoo or something. It doesn’t seem right that most of the parts of the human experience you’re familiar with at the moment are the ones with all the family drama. If you want to do something, that is.” 

It took every ounce of persistence Gou had to remind himself constantly to wait for Chase to pick things, to let Chase choose as much as possible. That was something he had promised himself he would do a long time ago. Chase deserved to be surrounded by people who respected his right to self-determination and self-expression, who valued his input and prioritized his choices when appropriate. Gou wanted to show Chase the world, but more than that, he wanted to show Chase the world that Chase wanted to see. 

The biggest problem, it turned out, was that Chase often took his damn time deciding.

“What is a petting zoo?” he asked.

In the end, they didn’t go to a petting zoo. They went to an aquarium instead. “I don’t know how much you’ll actually _ like _ it,” said Gou. “But hey, new experiences and all that.” 

Gou could appreciate a good aquarium. It wasn’t the sort of nature he was instinctively drawn to, but fish could be pretty interesting to look at. They wandered through a few exhibits, none of which Chase seemed particularly intrigued by save for some mild curiosity. 

“Bored?” asked Gou.

“No,” said Chase. “Simply something I have seen before.” 

Gou thought about asking, thought better of it. Right. . . hadn’t one of the Roidmude bases been _ in _ an aquarium? Maybe Chase felt some misplaced sense of nostalgia for that time in his life. 

They kept walking till they got to the jellyfish exhibit. That was always the one that Gou liked the best; the lighting was interesting and jellyfish were absolutely bizarre. “How about this?” asked Gou.

Chase stared at the huge cylindrical tank in the middle of the room. “This I have not seen before,” he said. 

He persistently read every placard, stooping down to read the ones closer to the ground. Gou never bothered; he was just there to look. “You don’t have to read _ all _of them, you know,” he said.

“But is that not their intended purpose?” asked Chase. “How else is one to learn of the creatures inside these tanks?” 

Gou felt the urge to do a handstand but restrained himself. “I _ guess_,” he said. 

Chase bent down to read another sign. “Gou. Did you know that one species of jellyfish is thought to be immortal?” 

Gou sighed. “No, Chase, I didn’t know that.” 

“See. The utility of the placard becomes immediately evident.” 

* * *

Chase invited Kiriko out for coffee. He had not had many opportunities to speak with her in the week he had been back, and he missed the pleasure of her company. “Going to get coffee” was, to Chase’s knowledge, an appropriate method of “catching up” with one’s friends. 

Kiriko narrated to him a number of events that had transpired over the years he had missed, including how her marriage to Shinnosuke had come to pass. 

“I wish you’d gotten to be at the wedding,” she said. 

Chase also wished that he had been there for that celebration. He understood it was an important life event for many humans. “Congratulations,” he said. “I am very happy for you, and for Shinnosuke.” 

And he was. Chase examined himself for feelings of sorrow or “heartbreak,” but the thought of Kiriko and Shinnosuke together romantically did not seem to cause him “heartbreak,” only the contentment that came after completing a particularly tricky task. 

Kiriko took a tentative sip of coffee. She seemed somewhat uncomfortable. “Uh, Chase, everything is okay between us, right? I just want to make sure this isn’t weird.” 

Chase thought for a moment. “Is this about how I told Shinnosuke and Gou that I was in love with you?” 

Kiriko choked on her coffee. “Well, I wasn’t going to say it exactly like that,” she said, coughing. “But, uh, yes. I guess that is what I am getting at.” 

Chase pondered what to say carefully. “I think that. . . what I felt was different from how you and Shinnosuke feel. It is possible that ‘romance’ of the sort that you two share is not an experience that I can have.” 

“It’s okay, Chase, not everyone feels romantic attraction,” said Kiriko. 

It was nice that Kiriko wanted to be supportive of Chase, but he felt like it was important to clarify. Misunderstandings led, in his limited experience, to disaster. “No, because no one would desire that relationship with me,” said Chase. 

Kiriko did not look pleased to hear this. “Chase!” 

“Have I distressed you?” asked Chase.

Kiriko put a hand on Chase’s hand, but took it away quickly. She looked “embarrassed.” “Chase, if I tell you something, do you promise to not take it the wrong way?” she asked. 

“I do not know what the ‘wrong way’ would be,” he said. 

She covered her face with her hands. “Right,” she said. “I -- I do not have any romantic feelings for you at the moment, but at one point in time I did have a crush on you.” 

“A crush?” asked Chase. 

“Like -- an infatuation. I wasn’t in love with you, but I had the beginnings of romantic feelings for you. It’s just that I. . . fell in love with someone else.” 

Chase did not know how to feel about this yet. But he believed he understood what Kiriko was trying to accomplish: she was trying to reassure him. She was a kind person. “I see,” he said. 

“And you must know that we -- Shinnosuke and I -- both love you. You’re a great guy, and just because I didn’t fall in love with you doesn’t mean that no one ever will.”

“I care about you both as well,” said Chase. 

Kiriko looked as if she wanted to say more, but her phone began to ring. “Oh, sorry Chase, I should get this,” she said, fumbling with her bag. “Hello? Yes, I’m -- I understand, I’ll be there right away.” When she completed the phone call, she seemed regretful. “I have to go. Something came up at work.” 

“Is there anything I can assist you with?” asked Chase.

“No, it’s just normal stuff,” said Kiriko. “I hate to just leave in the middle of a conversation -- you’re okay, right?” 

“I regret that we cannot spend more time together, but your duties are important,” said Chase. 

She patted him on the shoulder for a moment before exiting the coffee shop. Chase sat alone, and finished his drink. 

* * *

Gou fell into a sleep pattern that, while certainly much better than many he’d had over the last few years, still came with its own unique issues. Every night, he would wake up after a few hours of sleep convinced that Chase wasn’t really back. Every night, he would sit there for several minutes trying to rationalize with himself. Of course Chase was back; he’d been near Chase for most of the day. Every night, he found himself unswayed by the evidence in his own head.

The only way to fix the problem, it turned out, was to actually see Chase. He would stumble out of bed each night -- half-awake and half-wrapped in a blanket, bleary-eyed -- into the living room, where Chase was doing his usual Chase activities of staring off into the middle distance or carefully examining something or other that Gou owned. Chase would look at him blankly and say something like “ah” or “Gou” or “are you awake?” and Gou would sit down on the couch and stare at him for a minute before rapidly slipping away into unconsciousness. As far as sleeping habits went, it was absolute hell on Gou’s back.

Here was the real kicker, though: he never expected to actually get _ called out _ on it. 

“Why do you leave your room every night to sleep on the couch?” asked Chase. 

They were sitting at the kitchen table. Gou’d been trying to teach Chase about poker for most of the morning, and they’d just started in on the intricacies of bluffing -- for a moment Gou thought that Chase was just trying to deploy that question as some advanced unsettling-your-opponent technique. But no. Chase turned out to be both naturally talented and kind of garbage at bluffing. 

Gou stared wide-eyed at Chase and ran through all the possible answers he could give. Which was the least strange? “Hah, I mean -- I sleep better out there, I guess.” 

Chase nodded and looked back at his cards. 

Gou fidgeted and scratched his neck. He tried not to utilize the fact that Chase would accept most answers Gou gave him to his own advantage very often. The omission of the most critical fact in this matter seemed dishonest at best, if not outright skeevy. “But I sleep better because. . . I’ve had dreams where you were back and then I’d wake up and you’d still be gone. I know _ logically _ that you’re here, but it’s still disorienting. I go out to the couch and I see you and I can go ‘oh, okay, Chase is back,’ and then I can sleep.” 

“Not knowing where I am causes you emotional distress.” 

“Well, you didn’t have to put it like _ that_,” said Gou. “But don’t worry, I’ll get over it more the longer you’re back.”

Chase looked dubious, though he also seemed willing to let it go for the moment. But that night, when Gou woke up, he opened his eyes and almost jumped out of bed in surprise. 

“Chase! What are you doing?” he asked.

Chase loomed in the doorway. Well, “loomed” wasn’t fair -- Chase was employing his extremely stiff imitation of someone casually leaning against a doorframe. “I am standing here,” said Chase, as if Gou was the weird one. 

Gou tried to position himself in a way that might approximate sitting. “Okay, how long have you _ been _ there?” asked Gou. 

“You usually wake up around this time,” said Chase, which was not actually an answer. 

“But why are you standing there? You freaked me out, man!” 

Chase looked shifty. He crossed his arms more tightly. “You said that not seeing me when you woke up was causing you distress. I did not want to intrude on your privacy, so this seemed acceptable.” 

Many different thoughts attempted to formulate in Gou’s head before they, like all of Gou’s other thoughts the last few days, gave up and jumped ship. Gou laughed. Chase fretting over him was cute. “You’re a weird guy, Chase. You don’t have to stand there all night, you know?”

“No,” said Chase. “I have only been standing here within the timeframe in which you usually wake up.” 

Gou laughed again. “Well! That’s okay then.” 

Chase looked sheepish. “Does it help?” 

Gou laid back down. “Yeah. Yeah, it does. Thanks buddy.” 

* * *

Once Gou was allowed back into the Drive Pit he gravitated there instinctually. He’d spent what felt like ages essentially living there; sometimes he’d even driven on autopilot and gotten right up to the building before he realized where he was. 

But this time when he went to the Drive Pit, Chase went with him. Gou flipped on the lights. “Hey, Hypnos? You awake?” 

Hypnos’s favorite computer lit up with the icon for his face. “Hello Gou. Yes, I am. What brings you here?” 

Gou shrugged, hands in his pockets. “Aw, habit I guess. You remember all the time we spent down here together.” 

“Yes, quite,” said Hypnos. “I must say that though I miss your company, in a way it’s relieving to not see you around.” 

Gou did a flip, just to see how it felt. “Wow, harsh,” said Gou. 

“Because I was concerned for you,” said Hypnos.

Gou never wanted to hear about so and so being _ concerned _ about him ever again. For years that’d been the general theme of his existence -- Gou, shouldn’t you take a break? Gou, is this really necessary? Gou, do you really think you can pull this off? Gou, should you be doing this at all? He’d spent what felt like aeons alone, just himself and his bike, and while solitude felt natural he’d missed being part of a team. People came and went with his successes and setbacks in research; their help was conditional. 

Enough of that. Gou waved Hypnos off. “Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, you’ve met Chase, right? Chase, Hypnos. Hypnos, Chase.” 

Chase nodded at the tablet. “While you were unconscious.” 

He did an experimental handstand. It felt strange to be here now. “Unconscious nothing, I was asleep.” 

“I see no meaningful distinction,” said Chase. 

“Tch, you wouldn’t,” said Gou, leaping back to his feet. 

“One is more associated with head trauma than the other,” said Hypnos, unhelpfully. “Is habit all that brings you here today, Gou?” 

Habit, momentum, and the sense of an unfulfilled promise. Everything in the Drive Pit was just as he’d left it. “Just checking on some things. Have Rinna and Kyu been by?” 

“Not in the past few days,” said Hypnos. “They are waiting for an indication from you that the next stage is to proceed as discussed before resuming their work here. Kyu mentioned that he needed ‘a break.’ He is behind on his shows.” 

“You are working on a project?” asked Chase.

Gou had been wanting to see how Chase felt about his plan anyway. His plan _ in potentia _, he supposed -- there were plenty of reasons he could think of to abandon it. Chase thinking it unwise would certainly be one of those. “The last time we tried to bring you back, we accidentally brought Heart back instead.” 

Chase stepped forward suddenly. “He’s back?” 

Was that a good thing or a bad thing? “No, no,” said Gou. “He and -- Brain and Medic were there too, kinda, I suppose. But he ended up sacrificing himself in order to stop something from happening -- I’ll be honest, I’m fuzzy on the details; I had a lot going on at the time. The point is that. . . well, they did alright. We have their data, same way we did for yours. It’s probably a repeatable phenomena, getting Heart back. Getting all three of them back.” 

Chase was frozen as if in the middle of a stride. “Do you intend to?” he asked.

Gou shrugged. “Well, I _ could _.” 

Chase. . . didn’t _ relax_, but he resumed a more typical Chase stance. “I will assist.” 

“You’re sure?”

He folded his arms. “You said that Heart died to sacrifice himself to save others.” 

“Yeah, according to Otta and Shinnosuke,” said Gou. 

“Then I see no reason not to attempt to revive him.” 

“Because he could decide to take over the world again?” said Gou. “No, you’re right though; he wouldn’t do that.” He sighed. “Guess it’s just always awkward, thinking about having Heart and them around again. A lot could go wrong, but. . . you know, he was a Kamen Rider for a minute there?” 

“Heart?” 

“Yeah,” said Gou. “I didn’t see it, but that’s what Otta says.” 

“If only that had been the case sooner,” said Chase. “It would have been good to fight alongside him.” 

He’d been waiting for the right moment to give Signal Chaser back to Chase, but doing so had made him wait entirely too long. What must Chase think of him, for withholding such an important object? “Hey, speaking of which, here,” he said, handing the bike to Chase. “Shoulda given this back to you already, but there you go.” 

Chase took the bike and looked at it solemnly for what felt like a full minute before finally saying: “I do not wish to fight anymore.”

“What?” asked Gou.

“I do not wish to fight anymore,” said Chase. 

So that’s what he’d gotten out of Gou giving the bike back to him. Gou tried not to clench his fists; it wouldn’t do to get frustrated about it. So what if he didn’t do that anymore? Chase had the right to not want to fight -- he’d certainly spent enough time doing that, and all on his own. But Shinnosuke didn’t fight as a Kamen Rider anymore either, and Gou had, in some corner of his mind, looked forward to being part of a matched set again. And -- after Chaser Mach, what Chase said felt so alien. Not that if Chase was using the signal bike it’d be possible for him to be Chaser Mach anyway, not that he wanted to _ need _ to be Chaser Mach, but a guy doesn’t temporarily metaphysically merge with his best buddy’s consciousness without feeling some kind of way about it. 

“I gave it back to you cause it’s yours, not cause I expect you to start beating up baddies tomorrow. But, I thought being a Kamen Rider was something important to you?” asked Gou. 

Chase turned Signal Chaser over in his hands, inspecting it for a long moment. “If I am needed, I will come when I am called. I will not shy away from a fight, but I do not wish to seek one out. I would like to find ways to protect people that do not involve violence.” 

It was the only way Gou knew how. Well, violence and lying. But he was a bastard, and Chase was kind. Noble, like Shinnosuke. Willing to lay to rest what Gou couldn’t. 

“Hah, well I guess I’m good at being a loner anyway,” said Gou. “More space for Mach to shine.” 

* * *

Chase had spent a great deal of time observing Gou over the past few weeks. While some aspects of Gou’s behavior eluded any logical attempt at pattern recognition, one thing was clear: being in the Drive Pit did not seem to treat Gou well. Any attempt to address the subject went ignored; either Gou did not realize that he exhibited greater emotional distress after spending prolonged periods of time in the Drive Pit, or he had decided that his own distress was unimportant. As such, Chase found it important to follow him to the Drive Pit every time he went.

“You don’t need to babysit me,” Gou would scowl, every time. 

But he did not tell him to go away. He did not even -- as Chase had assumed he might -- ignore Chase whenever they were in the Drive Pit. Instead, he would explain what he was doing, or recount a story about one of the researchers he had met while traveling the globe to gain more information on how the process of bringing a roidmude back might be best achieved. Chase had the sense that he was being told a heavily redacted version of many of these stories; there were odd narrative gaps, fissures of missing time, too many occasions of Gou ending with “and then -- nevermind, it’s not important.” 

Perhaps Gou would tire of Chase’s surveillance quickly, but Chase relished the sense of having a concrete and familiar task to perform -- keep Gou safe -- especially now. He had identified for himself that he did not wish to engage in combat frequently anymore, but it was proving difficult to ascertain what sort of utility he could provide outside of fighting. This he could do. Keeping Gou safe had always been important: at first because he was Kiriko’s only family, and he protected him at her request. But it had come to Chase’s attention that he now desired Gou’s safety because Gou was important to_ him _. 

Many people, of course, wanted to protect Gou and felt concern for him; the actions of his colleagues demonstrated that his behavior in the past had been concerning to say the least. This was why it was important for Chase to stand in the doorway when he thought Gou’s sleep might be disturbed, and this was why it was not abnormal to do so.

Some nights Gou would simply wake up momentarily, nod, and fall back asleep. Some nights Gou would converse with Chase for a minute, though generally they were not conversations that Gou remembered later on. Occasionally though, the disturbance to his sleep would be too great. For example -- 

“You’re still there, huh?” asked Gou when he woke up. He yawned. 

Chase did not want him to think that he had stood there all night. “It is two in the morning,” he said. 

Gou groaned. “Man, I thought I’d get more sleep than _ that _.” 

Gou attempted to fall asleep for some time, but eventually resigned himself to his current state of wakefulness. “Move outta the way,” he said sleepily, pushing past Chase into the living room. “It’s so weird trying to fall asleep with you standing there.”

Gou was fumbling for the light switch in the dark, so Chase reached past him to turn it on. “Do you wish me to stop?” he asked. The thought disappointed him: he had believed he had found a way to aid Gou that both of them could agree on, Gou had not commented on his perception of the situation as “strange” for several days. It had given him a sense of fulfillment. 

“No,” said Gou. He sat down at his desk chair. “Maybe I could do some work and then I’ll fall asleep.” 

“That seems ill advised,” said Chase. 

“You’re not my sister,” said Gou, putting his head down on the desk. 

“You will hurt your neck like that,” said Chase. 

Gou rubbed the back of his neck. “Eh, it’ll be fine.” 

Chase wanted to reach out and touch the back of Gou’s neck, though this was not an appropriate action to take. It did not easily slot into the idea Chase had of what “buddies” might do. But nevertheless, the thought of placing his hand on Gou pursued him doggedly. “You should go back to bed,” said Chase. 

“You really are acting just like Kiriko,” said Gou. 

“Kiriko tells you these things because she cares for you,” said Chase. 

Gou pretended to ignore him, though the manner in which he pointedly booted up his computer as if to work indicated he was paying some attention to Chase. Further reasoning with Gou was useless at this juncture. So instead, he sat and waited for Gou to fall asleep. When Gou fell asleep at his desk -- and he would do so, Chase was certain of it -- it would be acceptable to physically interact with Gou in order to rouse him from his slumber. It would become an action he was “supposed” to do, as Gou truly would injure his neck were he to sleep at the desk for the rest of the night. 

Chase repeatedly visualized what this would look or feel like as he watched Gou edit a photograph. He pictured grabbing Gou’s shoulder to shake him awake, or prodding Gou’s arm. He imagined his hand on the back of Gou’s neck. 

* * *

Just because Gou had spent what felt like most of the past few years working on a solution to the Chase Issue didn’t mean he didn’t do any other work -- quests to right your wrongs didn’t tend to pay that well. And he enjoyed photography, to be sure: the work he did for himself always provided a refreshing break from the confused jumbled mess of the rest of his life. He did alright with nature photography, but sometimes he needed some extra cash so he did some freelance work on the side. Which was all well and good until the guy who was supposed to be his assistant for some pre-wedding photoshoot bailed at the last minute, as did his backup, and his backup’s backup. 

“It’s just so much shit to carry,” he said, pacing back and forth in the apartment. “I cannot _ believe _ this guy flaked on me _ again _. This kind of thing just sucks to do on your own, you know?” 

“No, I do not,” said Chase. 

Stupid question. “I guess you wouldn’t -- just trust me, it does. Beyond just lugging the equipment around, there’s just so many things that are easy to do with two people and a complete pain in the ass to do by yourself.” 

“I could assist you,” said Chase. 

Gou stopped pacing and looked at Chase. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to offer to help just because I’m complaining.” 

There it was -- Chase looked shifty _ again _, for the second time since he’d been back. “I would like to assist you,” said Chase.

Gou weighed his options. He could really start scraping the bottom of the barrel with regard to his professional contacts. . . or he could just take Chase. “Hmm, well! If you’re offering, sure. It might be kinda interesting to see, at least, for you.” 

They met up with the bride and groom at the edge of a patch of woods -- they’d wanted something scenic and outdoorsy -- and Gou introduced himself and Chase (and wasn’t that weird, “this is my assistant, _ Chase _”) before heading in. 

Gou handed a bag with one of his cameras to Chase. “Here, you take this.” He pointed at Chase. _ “Do not drop it.” _

“I understand,” said Chase. “I will not drop it or allow it to become damaged.” 

There was something about seeing Chase standing there, framed by the trees and the slight breeze, that -- hmm. It was as if the mid-afternoon light filtering through the leaves made Gou realize that Chase was -- hmm. Gou spun around on his heel and walked further in. 

For the rest of the afternoon something felt off to Gou. He kept catching himself looking at Chase when he should really be concentrating on something else. He was a professional, after all; he couldn’t be screwing around on the job. But there’d be moments when Gou would be standing there holding his camera, planning out the next shot, and it would take all of his considerable willpower to not just photograph Chase instead. Never had a job been so unimportant to him. 

Gou was often thankful that he was a good actor, and that was especially true now. He managed to stop looking at Chase long enough to actually think about his fucking _ job _ , and frowned. There was a picturesque stream that cut through the woods, and it’d be a great place to take some pictures, but to get the angle he wanted he’d have to actually stand in the water. . . on the slippery rocks, where he could drop his camera. He tested the lone rock that was not totally submerged. It wobbled. Maybe if he could just _ lean _ over the edge of the water, he wouldn’t have to step in it. 

“Hey, Chase, come over here and hold onto the back of my jacket, okay?” he asked. 

Chase did. Normally when Gou was doing something like this he’d still retain some sort of reasonable fear for his safety and/or camera equipment, but here he didn’t have to worry at all. Gou realized that he’d probably never meet a man with hands as steady as Chase for the rest of his life. Not that he hadn’t already known that: they’d fought alongside each other, after all. But seeing Chase interact with this area of his life was making a lot of thoughts shift uncomfortably around in his mind. 

After they finished, Gou left Chase with the equipment while he hashed out a few details about delivery of the final pictures with the couple. They still seemed to be in good spirits and happy about how everything went, so Gou couldn’t have been acting _ too _ off, regardless of how he might have felt. They made nauseating small talk for a minute before Gou wished them the best and excused himself. 

When he turned around, he saw Chase leaning -- as Chase so often did -- against a tree. The equipment was carefully set down next to him. More importantly, the lighting was picture perfect -- just at the tail end of the golden hour, warm, radiant. Chase looked so incongruous with this setting, but that only made him look more striking. 

Gou tried to look away but couldn’t. He’d known that Chase was objectively attractive -- he had eyes -- but it had never felt this subjectively important to him before. Chase was almost certainly standing as still as ever but instead of awkward, the pose looked. . . secure. Reliable. It made him want to -- nope! Wow! Not going there! 

What was he even _ thinking_? Chase was his buddy, his compatriot; Chase didn’t deserve that sort of unwanted attention. Gou wanted so badly to just turn and leave. 

“Ah. Gou,” said Chase.

Too late. 

He walked over to Chase. Gou couldn’t stand as close to him as he usually did, not right now. He felt an unbearable tightness in his chest -- typical Gou, ruining absolutely everything. He needed to chill out. “Hey, thanks for helping me. You were actually. . . really great.” 

Chase inclined his head in acknowledgement. His hair really did look so soft. “I am glad I could aid you.” 

He propped his elbow up against the tree near Chase. Too near? “I feel like I should offer you a cut of what I’m making for this gig.” 

Chase turned his head to look at him. “What would I need money for?” 

Chase looking at him right now felt like too much. “I mean, money can be exchanged for goods and services. What if you want to buy something?” 

“If I want something, I have you.”

Gou’s elbow slipped on the bark of the tree, and he narrowly avoided colliding head first with the trunk. “I-- Uh-- Well!! That’s true!! If you’re sure you don’t want any money, you know, uh, great work.” 

Chase nodded, picked up the equipment, turned, and walked towards their bikes. Gou knew he had to follow him, but it was so very, very hard to look away. 

What the _ fuck _ was happening to him? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to any actual photographers out there. [Here is a Fun Article](https://www.demilked.com/funny-wedding-photographers-taking-perfect-shot-behind-the-scenes/) that revealed that whether or not John Toei knew it, he made the perfect photographer.


	3. Chapter 3

This didn’t have to change anything. This _ couldn’t _ change anything. The Plan was still in effect; it was just more important than ever to make sure Gou treated Chase well. He also didn’t want Chase to feel isolated -- the issue was, outside of the former Special Investigations Unit and every expert on Artificial Intelligence in the world, his social circle consisted of either Kamen Riders or Reiko. 

Gou brought up the subject while they were on another walk. Chase liked people watching -- that much Gou had been able to positively identify. “Hey, Chase, is it cool if we meet up with Reiko at some point soon?” 

Chase thought for a moment. “Reiko,” he said. “The woman who tried to kill you?” 

Gou shoved his hands further into his pockets. “I don’t know if she was really trying to _ kill _ me,” he said. 

“Yes, I recall now. Reiko was the woman who attempted to goad you into killing her, because of her issues with family.” 

Gou frowned; it always hit him wrong to hear Reiko described like that, even if it was technically true. Reiko meant a lot to him -- she’d saved his life, she understood him, he’d told her things he felt comfortable telling few other people, and he’d tried to be there for her in return. It wasn’t Chase’s fault that the incident with Roidmude 050 was his sole point of reference with regard to her: even more reason for them to meet. 

“She’s changed a lot since then,” said Gou. “We’re good friends now. Don’t hold the past against her, alright?” 

Chase looked at Gou. “I do not.” 

Gou tried not to stare at Chase’s face for too long. “She’s important to me, and anyway, you should meet more people. I think it’d be nice if we all hung out.” 

To be honest, Gou felt some trepidation about Chase and Reiko meeting, though he couldn’t piece together exactly why. Would the fact that he and Reiko had almost engaged in an act of mutually assured destruction make it so that friendship between Reiko and Chase was impossible? No -- how much time had he spent trying to kill Chase? How many times had the two of them fought with serious intent to harm? Reiko knew how important Chase was to him, and Chase was not the sort of person to hold a grudge against someone who was trying their best: if anything was proof of that, it was that he and Chase were friends. Anyway, Chase and Reiko had both saved his life, so they had that in common. 

However, realizing how much he (Gou still cringed internally at the thought for a lot of complicated reasons he didn’t care to unpack) was _ attracted _ to Chase, that added to the awkwardness for sure. If anyone would pick up on that particular detail, it would likely be Reiko -- she knew too much about him. He was dancing around the point: she knew that he liked Chase, and she knew that he liked men, and he was afraid she’d put two and two together and realize that he liked Chase _ as a man. _

But not isolating Chase was more important than protecting himself from discovery. 

He waited until Chase was off doing something at Kiriko’s house to call Reiko. Just in case the conversation didn’t go well. She picked up almost immediately. “Is something wrong?” she asked. 

“What? No!” he said. “Can’t I just call you?” 

She sighed. “Gou, text me first, okay? We’ve been over this.” 

Shit, that was right. He winced. “Sorry,” he said. “I forgot how that is for you. I’m a little distractible lately, I guess.” 

“Because of Chase?” she asked.

He’d told her all about how everything had gone the last time they’d met up, a week or so ago. 

“That’s actually what I wanted to call you about,” he said. He wandered around the living room, admiring the different snapshots he’d taken on his last trip abroad as he talked. “I wanted you to meet him.” 

She sighed again. “I think we met already. I don’t know if I want to see someone from that part of my life.” 

Must both of them continue to bring that up? “You see me all the time!” 

“That’s different,” she said. 

Gou exhaled loudly. He hadn’t wanted to push Chase too hard to meet Reiko, and he didn’t want to push Reiko _ either_. “We don’t have to talk about that at all, for sure. And Chase isn’t the type of person to base his whole opinion of you just on that one encounter, once he gets more information -- he’s the nicest person I ever met. He hangs out around _ me_, and I was a real piece of shit to him.” 

“Okay Gou,” said Reiko. “I’ll give it a shot.” 

They met at the same coffee shop he and Reiko always met at and sat at the same table they generally grabbed outside when the weather was nice enough. He got there early, to make sure they got the right spot.

When Reiko came out of the shop with her drink and saw him and Chase sitting at the table, she frowned. Gou jumped up and hugged her anyway. “Hey, long time no see,” he said. 

“Was it not last week that you last saw each other?” asked Chase. 

Reiko patted Gou on the arm and sat down. “He misses me terribly,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m sure _ you _ know how it is.” 

“I don’t. We have not been apart for a significant length of time since I returned.” 

Reiko’s eyebrows shot up. She gave Gou _ such _a look. “Really?” she asked.

Gou was starting to understand where his dread had been coming from. He sat back down, right between the two of them. “He’s staying at my place,” he said.

She took a sip of her drink. “You didn’t mention that last time.” 

When he’d thought about telling her, it’d just made him feel anxious; there was no way she wouldn’t read too much into it. “Didn’t I?” he asked. 

Reiko leaned her elbows on the table. “No, you definitely didn’t.” She switched her focus. “How’s everything been for you since you got back, Chase?”

Chase furrowed his brow ever so slightly. “I do not know how to answer that question properly,” he said. 

“Oh. . . kay,” she said. “Fair.” 

Gou looked back and forth between them. Right. What _ conversation topics _ could one possibly posit in this group? How’s your integration into normal society going? What’s the last time _ you _ remember Gou getting grievously physically assaulted? Every potential idea he had was worse than the last. 

“How did the two of you become friends?” asked Chase. 

Reiko frowned even _ more _ . Why was she frowning so much? “Hmm. Out of curiosity, what _ exactly _ did Gou tell you about me?”

“Simply that you were buddies now. And that I was not to hold your past actions against you.” 

“Buddies?” she said. “Really, Gou? That’s what you told him?” 

“Well, I --” 

“Are you not friends?” asked Chase. 

“Oh, we’re friends, sure,” said Reiko. “But he didn’t mention that we dated?” 

Oh right, _ that’s _ what he should have been worried about. “I mean, I --” 

“He did not,” said Chase. 

Reiko crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “That’s pretty tacky of you, Gou.” 

“What?! I don’t see how that’s _ tacky, _I mean, I skimmed over a few things, that’s all!” said Gou. 

“_Not tacky _ \-- are you kidding me?” 

“No!” he said. “Sorry I forgot to mention it?”

“You’re _sorry _you _forgot to mention it?_ You brought him to meet me and you didn’t even -- did you tell him anything about. . . anything?” 

“What do you mean?” asked Gou. 

Reiko looked sideways at Chase, who was looking at both of them in turn. “Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked Gou.

“Sure?” said Gou. 

Reiko pulled Gou away from the table, far enough away that Chase probably couldn’t hear them. What could Reiko have to say to him that she couldn’t say in front of Chase? He played the last two minutes back in his head. Okay, probably a lot of things. 

“Sorry Reiko, I didn’t really think that --” 

Reiko had an iron grip on his arm. She cut him off. “No, listen. I have to ask you something.” 

“Okay?” 

What she asked wasn’t what Gou had been expecting at all. “So, just to be clear, are you and Chase. . .” 

Gou was blown physically backwards by the force of the statement, pulling his arm away from Reiko. “Huh? What? Oh. Him? What like -- like as a romantic thing? Me? Him? Hah! No. Him? No. Me? No way.” 

“I see,” said Reiko.

_ Could she _ see? “Him?” said Gou. “No. Hah!” 

Reiko sighed. “Okay okay,” she said, holding up her hands placatingly. “My mistake. Forget I said anything.” 

“I will,” said Gou. 

So Reiko could pick up something was different. He’d have to try harder. He walked back to the table, and didn’t look at her. 

“Sorry about that Chase,” she said. Chase didn’t say anything, just nodded, so she continued. “Let me answer your question: we became friends when Gou kept visiting me while I was in prison. After I got out. . .”

Gou didn’t want to see her hurt. “Reiko, you don’t have to--” 

She shushed him. “After I got out, some. . . events transpired, and Gou looked out for me. We dated for a little bit, but things didn’t work out, so we broke it off. We’re good friends, and I’ve heard a lot --” She looked at Gou again with an expression adjacent to a glare “--a _ lot _about you. So it was weird that you didn’t know as much about me.” 

“Perhaps Gou wanted you to be able to speak for yourself,” said Chase.

Reiko smiled. “That’s very charitable of you, Chase.”

Somehow, miraculously, conversation continued for long enough that everything lost the terrible uneasy tinge it’d taken for a moment. Reiko told Gou about her week at work, mentioned that she’d been on a date; Chase offered up information about the photoshoot they’d done, the one Gou was privately starting to mythologize as the moment his ruin had begun. Reiko seemed if not comfortable than not deeply traumatized by the experience, and quite frankly Chase was holding up his end of the conversation more than Gou was. The relationship he had with Reiko often still felt brittle at times, fragile. So did most of his relationships, but this one he could not bear to let break in that way. He couldn’t afford to say something asinine right now. 

“I’ll still see you next time?” he asked Reiko, as they prepared to leave. Chase hung back, giving them space. 

Reiko hugged him tightly. “Yes, of course.” 

“I _ am _sorry,” he said. “I wanted this to be nice.” 

“I don’t really know if you know what you’re apologizing for,” she said. 

He didn’t. “Be careful out there, okay?” 

“I’ll do my best,” she said. She tugged on his jacket. “You be careful too, Mr. Immortal.” 

* * *

To Gou’s great surprise, Chase _ did _ use the library card.

Gou peered over Chase’s shoulder from behind the couch. “Whatcha reading?” he asked. 

“A Chef’s Guide to the Wild Mushrooms of the World, Volume 3,” said Chase.

Well, that was unexpected. “Anything interesting?” asked Gou. 

“Mushrooms are the only culinary fruit or vegetable to contain significant amounts of Vitamin D,” said Chase. “This is a somewhat nonsensical fact, as mushrooms are neither ‘vegetable’ nor ‘fruit,’ but it could be interpreted as an ‘interesting’ fact nonetheless.” 

Gou flopped down on the couch next to him. “Why ‘The _ Chef’s _Guide,’ if you can’t eat?” he asked. 

Chase turned a page. “Gou, it is important to read different perspectives from your own. Also, I have already read all of your photography books and needed new material. Instruction manuals are interesting.”

“No one has ever thought that,” said Gou. 

“There are a great deal of instruction manuals, for something that everyone finds universally boring,” said Chase.

“Whatever makes you happy, I guess,” said Gou. 

Chase kept it up after that: books on making fly fishing lures, macrame, essential tractor repair tips, airplane construction, the best drills to practice to improve your hockey game, a book that Gou was almost certain was just a book about identifying different types of wood. A few of the topics he selected made sense (child care and development, first aid manuals, motorcycle maintenance) but other than that, his selection seemed almost completely random. 

“The librarian complimented me on my willingness to explore the expansive array of subjects upon which humans have written,” said Chase, smugly. “I am utilizing the library’s services appropriately.” 

Of course that’s what he’d be proud of. “They’re just glad you return the books on time.” 

“That is the expected behavior,” said Chase. “Does everyone not return library materials on time?” 

Gou glanced over at the corner of the room, where two books he’d checked out last April still lay buried under a pile of junk mail. He grimaced.

* * *

Gou decided that perhaps everyone else in the Special Investigations Unit should receive a heads-up about the planned imminent return of several other Roidmudes. He brought them to the Drive Pit and showed everyone what he’d been working on. To his surprise, there were few objections. 

“That Heart guy’s all right for sure,” said Otta. “I dunno about the others, but I bet he can keep them in line.” 

“Where would they stay, though?” asked Kyu. “They can’t all go camp out in Gou’s apartment.”

Gou shuddered. “They _ won’t _all be camping out in Gou’s apartment,” he said. “Two’s enough of a crowd.” 

Otta leaned back in his chair. “Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re still staying over at Gou’s, huh Chase? When are you gonna move out and get a job already?”

Otta slapped Chase on the back; he was laughing, it was a joke mostly -- probably -- but Gou hunched over in his seat and looked down at the table. He focused very intently on the grain of the faux wood -- why had he brought a wood table into the Drive Pit? It didn’t match the aesthetic at all.

“Move out?” asked Chase. 

“Yeah, you know. It’s not exactly normal to just freeload off a guy like that.” 

Maybe it was pure selfishness that kept him from telling Chase that it was best if he moved on. Was he holding Chase back in some way? The conversation continued around him but it felt out of focus, distant. 

“It’s only been a month,” he heard Kiriko say. 

“A man’s gotta strike out on his own at some point,” said Otta. 

Chase wasn’t saying anything. Was Chase still here? He couldn’t look away from the table. How did this make Chase feel? Had he ever really been considerate of Chase in his whole life, or was he just repeating old patterns? 

“--Besides, it can’t be that big of an apartment, anyway. I’m sure that Gou--” 

He had to pull himself together. He didn’t have _ time _ to feel this way, to look like this. He forced himself to look up, to smile. “Aw, come on Otta! Chase can stay with me for as long as he wants.” 

Chase hadn’t left. That had to be good, right? Gou was torn between the need to search his face for invisible microexpressions and the need to make it clear to everyone that he cared a completely normal reasonable amount about Chase. Looking at Chase came with many risks nowadays, especially when around company. 

The conversation moved on. Shinnosuke and Kiriko discussed options for Heart; Gou got the sense that he was missing something important on that end but couldn’t manage the concentration necessary to get indignant about whatever it was that he needed to be indignant about. Otta sounded sheepish for the rest of the meeting, not contrite but not without regret. Gou knew Otta was. . . sometimes, at least. . . a valuable member of the team, a trusted friend, etc., but sometimes he was so. . . a lot of words sprang to mind, none of them particularly charitable. 

Mercifully, eventually, the meeting came to an end. He must’ve really fucked up looking normal, though -- Kiriko pulled him aside, despite his expert attempts to dodge her. “Are you okay?” she asked after she’d practically put him in a headlock. 

The problem, Gou had discovered, with having a very public breakdown over his satanically evil father, revenge quest, Chase’s death, et al., was that it had made Kiriko more prone to check up on him. He knew she loved him and that was why she did so, but the concern meant he’d done something wrong -- he’d let something slip. 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” he asked. “Everything’s going according to plan, right?” 

* * *

Gou wanted to believe that Chase not attempting to talk about what Otta said meant he wasn’t thinking about it. Chase was a direct guy, right? So if he _ wanted _ to talk about it, he’d ask, right? No sense in bringing it up otherwise. 

But the air between them felt awkward in a way that was uncharacteristic: Chase was an awkward guy, and they’d had their share of moments that were tense for a different reason, but this felt unsettling to Gou; something unspoken hung around them like a foul miasma. Whereas only a week ago it’d been relatively easy to interest Chase in frivolous activities for the sake of activity, he continuously turned down Gou’s offers until Gou finally just stopped offering at all. 

He found himself increasingly unwilling to let Chase out of his sight but increasingly uncomfortable being alone with him. He was starting to miss the times when he and Chase had been opponents; that had been so much easier. 

“Hey, let’s go people watching,” said Gou, just to get out of the apartment. He’d never found it claustrophobic before.

“Fine,” said Chase. 

He picked a park they hadn’t been in before: less a park and more a strangely situated public fountain surrounded by pillars of mirrors and benches; it was a nice spot to watch other people go about their lives, kaleidoscopically catching glimpses of reflections of playing children or older couples or business women walking by in suits. 

The only reflection he could see right now was Chase, who sat stiff as as a statue on the other end of the bench. Seeing Chase didn’t mean Chase could see him, but he gave himself a headache trying to make sure Chase couldn’t see the face he was making anyway. 

Gou tried to make an effort, honestly he did. “What do you think they were doing, putting all these mirrors everywhere? Like, it’s a pretty neat effect, but not exactly somewhere you’d wanna eat your lunch, you know?” 

Chase didn’t acknowledge he said anything.

“Hey, Chase? Earth to Chase?” 

“Hmm?” said Chase. “I did not hear what you said.” 

Distractibility was not among Chase’s flaws. What was _up _ with him? “What’s wrong with you today?” 

“Nothing is ‘wrong’ with me,” said Chase, in a tone Gou thought was a little uncalled for. “I was thinking about something else.” 

“What were you thinking about?” asked Gou, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. 

“It is unimportant. What do you think the thought process behind all of these mirrors was? It seems like a distracting environment for a park.” 

“That’s what I was _ just _ saying,” said Gou. His headache intensified. 

What if Chase _ was _ thinking about what Otta said? Had Gou not made it clear how he felt? Should he have said something else, something more concrete? He couldn’t bring the subject up now -- what if Chase _ wasn’t _ thinking about what Otta said and then he started thinking about it and _ then _ he left? Gou was unbelievably selfish, to avoid a conversation topic like _ that _ in order to protect himself. Why’d he come to a place with so many mirrors? What a piece of shit idea. There was nowhere to look. 

* * *

Chase had pondered the situation for several days. He had enjoyed being near Gou but found himself unable to resolve this enjoyment with the sense that what he was doing was in some way an error. Should he not be living with Gou any longer? It was possible that Gou was letting him stay with him out of a misplaced sense of obligation, and that Chase had overstayed his welcome without knowing it. Gou certainly seemed more irritable ever since Otta had brought the subject up. 

Humans and Roidmudes alike enjoyed Chase’s presence because he was able to accomplish difficult objectives that they were unable or unwilling to do. He had chosen long ago to protect, to be of use in whatever way he could be; this was both what he “wanted” and something deeper than a “want.” But his path forward was no longer clear and moreover, if that was what he “wanted,” why did the idea of leaving Gou behind frustrate him? Especially if another thing he desired was to experience life the way humans did. Wasn’t leaving the correct response? 

He attempted to perform some cursory research on what “moving out” would look like, but immediately ran into a number of stumbling blocks. His lack of a steady stream of income was not an immediate impediment -- Gou had already told him he had a “bank account” established under his name and had informed him on how to use it. The greater problem was that he was uncertain if he would be able to concretely establish his identity as a human being well enough for a landlord to allow him to have an apartment or a job to hire him. The police department would possibly -- due to his connections with a number of their members, the work he had done to assist the Special Investigations Unit, and their knowledge of his capabilities -- make exceptions for him that would allow him to be hired there. The thought of working for the police department made Chase feel ill at ease. He would not consider that as a choice. 

After he had made a suitable number of inquiries into the process, he felt it was time to inform Gou of his decision. Perhaps Gou would be reassured by this and would have further guidance as to what steps Chase should take.

Gou’s reaction made little sense in the context of the news he had just received. Instead of seeming relieved in some way, he got up from his seat at the kitchen table. He seemed panicked. He kept pacing back and forth. “What did I do wrong?” 

“I don’t understand,” said Chase.

“I must’ve done something wrong, if you’re leaving this quick.” Gou paced back and forth, back and forth. “Is this about that thing Otta said? Did I not make something clear enough? I mean, you can go if you _ want _ to go; you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But --” He stopped pacing and stared at Chase. He looked. . . vexed. “If it’s something I did wrong, just tell me what it is already so I can fix it.” 

Chase stood up. “Lt. Otta indicated that it was not normal to stay here as long as I have. I do not wish to be inconvenient to you.” 

“Oh, _ that’s _ what this is about?!” said Gou. “You’re not being _ inconvenient _.” 

“Having another person around when one is not accustomed to such a situation could be construed as an unsettling activity,” said Chase. 

“Will you cut it out?” 

Chase did not understand what Gou meant by this, though he understood what the phrase “cut it out” was supposed to mean. What was the “it” he was supposed to be “cutting out” exactly? 

“The longer I remain, the more agitated you seem to get,” said Chase. “Perhaps this is because my presence truly is disruptive. I understand that you have expended a good deal of effort the past few years in ensuring my continued existence, and that must have lead to you delaying or changing many personal plans.” 

“I”m not getting _ more agitated_,” said Gou, clearly extremely agitated.

“I don’t wish to be burdensome,” said Chase. 

Gou paused his pacing momentarily to point in an aggressive manner at Chase. “What’s _ burdensome _is that you’re back on your dumb bullshit. I hate it when you do this.” 

“Do what?” asked Chase. 

“Try and _ sacrifice _ yourself for me. Nothing’s on fire, I’m not going to _ die _, it’s so degrading!” 

“This is what I am supposed to do,” said Chase. 

“No, it’s not! Stop it!” 

Chase could not comprehend the meaning behind Gou’s statement, and as such, chose to ignore it. “Besides, as I’ve indicated before, I do not technically require shelter such as you are providing for me. I would not be unduly harmed by not living here.” 

“‘Would not be unduly harmed’ doesn’t mean you’d be doing _ good _.” 

“I do not see a meaningful distinction,” said Chase, raising his voice.

“More like you won’t see a meaningful distinction. If you hate being here that much then just say it, okay? Don’t hide behind all this other shit.” 

“I don’t hate it,” said Chase. He was growing increasingly frustrated as well. What was wrong with Gou? “You do not understand, it is necessary for me to remove myself from a situation in which I might cause harm.” 

Gou screamed in frustration. “You’re doing a _ whole lot _ to get outta here for someone who doesn’t hate it. What is your _ deal? _”

“I have no ‘deal,’ I am acting normally. You are the one who is acting strangely.” 

Gou laughed. “Oh, I’m acting strangely?” 

Gou was refusing to listen to anything that he said. Chase pounded his fist on the wall. Perhaps noise would aid Gou in understanding how stupid he was being. “Yes!” he said. “You are acting strangely because something is wrong.” 

Gou stepped closer to Chase. He looked as if he was winding up to throw a punch. “The only thing wrong is that you won’t listen to me! It’s fine! You can stay here!” 

“Why is it so important to you that I stay?” 

Gou grabbed Chase’s shoulders. “Chase, _ please_, just let me take care of you.” 

This arrested all of Chase’s thought processes. He knew, of course, that Gou did not appreciate it when Chase attempted to protect him from anything that might cause him harm. Gou often made this abundantly clear. However, he had assumed this was mostly a matter of simple pride: Gou prided himself on his strength and his abilities as a Kamen Rider and an individual, and did not like the thought of needing protection or support from others. This was part of the reason it had been so crucial to keep an eye on him: he would not ask for assistance. But now Gou was indicating that, in fact, his primary motivation was not hiding his own needs, but instead. . . attending to Chase’s? This did not make sense. 

“Gou. . .”

“You’ve done a lot for all of us,” said Gou. He looked Chase square in the eye. “You don’t need to prove your _ utility _ to anyone or anything like that. You don’t have to work or live on your own in order to be a person; you already are one. And you certainly don’t need to keep protecting me like that. Okay?”

“Ah. Lt. Otta spoke incorrectly,” said Chase. 

Gou laughed and looked away from Chase. He had not let go of Chase’s shoulders. “Do me a favor, Chase, and really run the numbers on everything that guy says before you take it to heart. Stay with me, unless you don’t want to. Don’t leave because you think you’ve overstayed your welcome or because some idiot told you that this isn’t how things go. You can hang out reading boring books on my couch and people watching in the park for as long as you want. You don’t want to fight anymore; let me give you that.” 

“If you are certain,” said Chase. 

Gou seemed to relax. “You’re right though, we should see if we can figure out how to make it so you can get a job or something if you want. I bet we can get Shinnosuke or Kyu or someone to fudge databases or whatever to make it look like you’ve, y’know, existed this whole time. Maybe we can get Kano to pretend you’re his estranged brother.” 

“I would like to be able to work at some point,” said Chase. “It’s good to not always be idle.” 

Gou nodded and let go of his shoulders, froze, grabbed him again. “Wait. Chase. _ Do _ you want to stay with me?” 

Gou was looking at him very intently. Rarely did anyone bother to simply inquire directly about his opinion. “Yes,” said Chase. He tried to figure out how to parse what to say next. “It is. . . pleasant.” 

“Why didn’t you just say so before? Wait, wait, no, I know --” 

“You didn’t ask,” said Chase. 

* * *

What Gou said to Chase stuck with him. Chase kept running the words over and over in his head. Hearing Gou say that he wanted to take care of Chase had made him feel some strange emotion. It was not dissimilar to how he thought he had felt about Kiriko, but it was still unfamiliar -- and maybe unsuitable?

Chase found Shinnosuke at one of the four locations he was known to go to “slack off,” the roof of the SSDC. “Shinnosuke,” he said. “I have a question for you.” 

This startled Shinnosuke, but only for a moment. “Uh, sure Chase. Fire away. This. . . this isn’t gonna be another one of the hard ones, is it?” 

“I understand wanting to protect and care for others. But what does it mean if the idea of someone protecting and caring for me is one I find desirable? What does it mean to want someone in particular to ‘take care’ of you?” 

Shinnosuke paced uncertainly for a moment before turning back to Chase. “Huh?” 

Chase took a moment to order his thoughts. He felt as if he had conveyed a sufficient amount of information to Shinnosuke the first time, but perhaps bringing up a relevant point of comparison would help him triangulate the best answer to Chase’s question. “With Kiriko --” Shinnosuke took a deep breath. “--I wanted to protect her. I knew she cared about me and cares about me still, but I did not actively desire her protection. I found it. . . difficult to accept her aid. This situation is different.” 

Shinnosuke exhaled. He proceeded to pace around the rooftop for a few minutes. Ah. The question was in fact a “hard one.” Eventually he seemed to reach some sort of conclusion, and tightened his tie. 

“Okay,” he said. “Well. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s not a bad thing, let’s just start there. And -- Chase, buddy, you know we all want to look out for you, right? You’ve done a lot for us, for a long time.” 

“I understand you care for me, and wish for no harm to come to me,” said Chase. “That is not quite what I am talking about.” 

“You mentioned how you felt about Kiriko -- did you do that because you think you might feel similarly about this person?” 

“I no longer know if what I felt for Kiriko was in fact romantic in nature. In the case of this person. . . I also do not know,” said Chase. “I enjoy their company. I wish to protect them from harm. It is difficult for me to imagine a life without their presence. And. . . I enjoy the idea that they might want to ‘take care’ of me.” 

“Okay,” said Shinnosuke. He sounded winded, though Chase had not seen him exert himself. “I think that whether or not this means you have a romantic interest in this person is really something that you have to decide for yourself. I can’t tell you what you want. That’s up to you.” 

“I see,” said Chase. 

“All I can tell you is that nothing you’re feeling is weird or bad. It’s nice to have people who you know will look out for you and worry about you, and. . . and I feel like I’m missing a part of how this is significant to you, sorry.” 

Shinnosuke did indeed look sincerely apologetic.

“Perhaps,” said Chase. “I cannot seem to articulate the thought better.” 

Shinnosuke patted Chase on the back. “That’s okay, pal. I’m fresh out of articulation too. I think probably all I can tell you is that you’re doing okay and that. . . you know. . . you don’t have to actually do anything with that feeling, if you don’t want to. Sometimes you can just feel things.” 

“But if I did want to do something?” 

Shinnosuke paced again. “Well uh, then I think that’s something you have to talk to the other person about, when you’re ready to. If you’re both interested, then you can figure out the rest together.” 

Chase felt that Gou had seemed conflicted about him for some time now. Clearly Gou liked to be around him and cared for him, but there was a hesitancy to his actions -- maybe Gou had yet to decide what he was feeling as well. 

“Thank you, Shinnosuke,” said Chase. “I will think on this.” 

“Oh thank God,” muttered Shinnosuke. “Uh, good luck.” 

Chase nodded and left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lara initially suggested The Park With The Mirrors in it (from ep 15) not remembering that the Park With The Mirrors had all those mirrors in it, so if it's too on the nose, don't look at me.


	4. An Interlude

Shinnosuke burst in through the doors, skidded across the entrance way and flung himself into the kitchen. “Kiriko, something terrible happened.” 

Kiriko stood up from the table. “What?” she asked. “Is something wrong with Gou? Or Chase? Is there another rogue Roidmude?” 

“No,” said Shinnosuke. “Well--” 

Kiriko, clearly panicked (as she should be) took a step forward. “Well?!” 

He sucked in a breath. “Well, Chase came to me for relationship advice.” 

“What?” said Kiriko.

Shinnosuke felt the inexplicable urge to speak only in whispers. He sat down; his legs would carry him no further. “Yep,” he whispered. “It was. . . something.” 

Kiriko looked as horrified as Shinnosuke felt. “It wasn’t. . . about. . . me, was it? I thought we’d talked all that out and everyone was on the same page but. . . but. . .” 

Shinnosuke wiped his forehead. When had he begun to sweat? “No, thank goodness,” he said. “It was. . . I mean, I can make a guess. He didn’t say but, you know, I _ am _a detective.” 

Kiriko sat down as well. “What did he say? Wait, no, you don’t have to tell me. If you want to respect his privacy --” 

“Kiriko, I respect Chase so much but I can’t deal with being the only person _ living in _ this conversation I just had.” 

Kiriko motioned for him to pick up the pace already then. 

“Chase said he wanted someone to _ protect _him and -- you know how he is? Just really very--” 

Kiriko did. “Yes, very beautiful and. . . and sincere--” 

“Yes,” said Shinnosuke, snapping his fingers and pointing at her. “It was so much.” 

Kiriko looked off into the middle distance, no doubt also running the numbers. “Protect. . .” she said. “Oh, no. Gou?” 

Shinnosuke nodded. “It’s gotta be. Only person that makes sense.” 

Kiriko buried her head in her hands. “What did you tell him?” 

Shinnosuke loosened his tie and took a shaky breath. “I told him, you know, that’s the sort of thing you have to talk out with the other person once you’re certain that you know what you want -- it seemed like the safest option.” 

Kiriko snorted. 

Shinnosuke leaned back in his chair. “What?” 

She rolled her eyes. “That’s just rich, coming from you.” 

“Hey,” said Shinnosuke. He pointed at her. “I wasn’t the only one who never talked about our relationship Miss I’m Gonna Flash You The Ring You Gave Me To Accept Your Proposal.”

“That’s _ Mrs_. I’m Going To Bury A Ring In A Time Capsule Instead Of Actually Proposing With Words to _ you_, Detective Tomari.” She put her head on the table. “I just. . . expected, you know. We talked about this.” 

They had, extensively. They’d thought that Gou was going to get his heart broken by Chase at some point because Gou obviously had _ something _ for him, and they’d prepared themselves to deal with the fallout. No one had ever considered what would happen if the feelings were _ reciprocal_. “I know,” said Shinnosuke. 

“We have to do something,” said Kiriko. “We have to. . . to help them, somehow --” 

“Kiriko, no!” whisper-shouted Shinnosuke. “We _ cannot touch this_. It is _ such _ a precarious situation. You of all people should know what happened the last time anyone tried to tell Chase too many things about romance.” 

“I know, I know,” she said. “But --” 

“And you certainly know that Gou’s --” 

“Delicate? Bad at communicating his earnest feelings? Highly sensitive about absolutely everything about Chase?” 

“Yeah. It’ll mess everything up. I was so afraid to even _ talk _ to Chase, it’s so delicate. We cannot help either of them. We _ will _ make it worse. This is a completely hands off situation unless, I don’t know, Chase comes directly to us for advice again and then I guess we’ll muddle through it.” 

Kiriko let out a wordless cry of despair. 

“I know,” said Shinnosuke. “I know.” 


	5. Chapter 5

Heart was ready to be revived a little too quickly for Gou’s taste. He couldn’t compare this attempt to the last time Heart had been revived -- his recollection of that day was always a little hazy -- but the leadup to the actual moment of reckoning seemed to go much more smoothly than Gou remembered it had for Chase. Not that his memory was much better there, either.

“That was because you hadn’t slept for four days,” said Rinna. “Either time.” 

They were in the Drive Pit, running final checks with Kyu and Hypnos. Chase was there as well, of course, and Shinnosuke and Kiriko stood awkwardly in the corner. Another reason Gou had to be more _ normal _ about Chase: while he had been busy freaking out about whether or not Chase would stay with him, Shinnosuke and Kiriko had apparently got it in their heads to have Heart stay with _ them_. 

Gou looked over at where Chase was standing, talking to Hypnos. Chase had been less on edge since they’d talked everything out; Gou hoped that Heart wouldn’t disrupt the status quo too much. He’d worked really hard for this status quo. “Are you ever going to stop bringing up the whole ‘collapsing’ thing?” he asked.

“Not in the near future, no,” said Rinna. 

Was anyone ever going to stop disapproving of his actions? “I think it worked out in the end,” he said. He stopped himself from smiling while he looked at Chase; he had to do that a lot. 

Rinna sighed in the fake exasperated way she always sighed when she was about to be rude to him for fun. “Ugh, leave me alone while I finish running these numbers.” She shoved Gou out of the way, but she was smiling while she was doing it. “You’re useless right now.” 

Gou executed his best pratfall before somersaulting away. “Wow! Way to treat a guy!” he shouted. 

Rinna ignored him. Good ol’ Rinna. He hopped back onto his feet. Chase had stopped talking to Hypnos and picked a wall to lean against. Now he was just standing there holding Signal Chaser in his hands, staring at it. He seemed nervous. Was Gou making a bad decision? What if he’d been reading Chase wrong this whole time?

“You okay?” asked Gou, leaning on the wall beside him.

“Why would you want to bring Heart back?” asked Chase. 

Of all the times to ask. . . Gou knew that they’d covered the topic _ in depth _ plenty of times before, but he guessed, upon reflection, that it made sense for Chase to reconfirm now. To want to be reassured that what they were doing was actually the right thing to do, not just an action they were taking out of a selfish desire. He could relate. “Well, a lot of reasons, I guess. . . we accidentally brought him back once, and according to Otta and Shinnosuke he did an alright job handling things. We’ve all talked about it and. . . you know. . . the Roidmudes did have it pretty rough. Heart wanted to help them. He --” 

Gou stopped. Something about thinking too much about Heart always stirred up a deep well of frustration. He could not think about Heart without also thinking about himself. If Shinnosuke was his brother by choice, then Heart was perhaps his brother by shared misfortune. He did not like knowing Heart in this way, nor did he like the sensation of feeling _ known _ by Heart. His life had been so much simpler when he’d been able to think of his allegiances, goals, relationships in black and white terms. But even back then it hadn’t been that simple, had it? Just look at the actions he’d taken in the name of “doing the right thing.” 

Chase was waiting patiently for Gou to finish his thought. He could not talk himself out of something Chase so obviously wanted. He smiled, tried to sound casual, normal. “And anyway, you want him back, right?” 

“Yes,” said Chase. “For all that he did, he was my friend.” 

“And Shinnosuke does, and so do Rinna and Kiriko and Otta. So let’s give it a shot!” 

This time, it went off without a hitch. No one screamed or cried or fainted; Gou remained steady on his feet, did his best to look neutral. Even Heart seemed relatively nonplussed by his sudden re-existence, as if he had been expecting something like this to happen all along. He took a step forward and surveyed the room. 

“Welcome back,” said Shinnosuke. 

“Thank you,” said Heart. He took another look around the room, as if he was searching for something. “Chase!” he said, smiling. “I should have known that if I was back, they must have succeeded in reviving you.” 

Chase took a step towards him. “Heart,” he said, and nothing else. 

Heart approached Chase, which was Gou’s cue to scuttle backwards. They hugged, which was unsettling (unsettling also in that it was, well, _ nice _). “It is good to see you,” said Heart. “I hope there is no enmity between us; I wish we could have cleared things up sooner.” 

Chase looked overwhelmed. “I was informed that you assisted the others in protecting human lives. It was. . . good to hear.” 

“Well, some of them are alright,” said Heart. He clapped Chase on the back. “Like Otta! How’s it going, friend?” 

It went like this for some time. Heart hugged too many people for Gou’s comfort; Gou thought he might have been headed Gou’s way at some point so he’d done a tactical backflip out of reach -- Heart’s only response had been to shrug.

“But. . . Brain and Medic?” asked Heart. 

Gou grimaced and looked at Kyu, who looked at Shinnosuke, who looked at Kiriko, who looked back at Gou. Well, wasn’t _ this _ uncomfortable? 

“We’re working on it!” said Rinna, thankfully. “We can get the data to restore them, just like we did with you and Chase. We just need to make some final adjustments and build new bodies.” 

Kyu muttered something about poisons and Gou nodded. The poisons were a factor. The likelihood of betrayal was another factor, though mitigated somewhat by the evidence that Brain and Medic were willing to put aside differences to achieve a common goal. Another was retrieving a sufficient amount of data to reconstitute the both of them, though that was proving irritatingly easy. But seriously. The poisons.

“We thought it was probably best if you were back first,” said Shinnosuke. “To help with the adjustment.” 

Heart nodded, though he was still frowning. “That is probably wise, yes.” 

“Speaking of adjustments. . .” said Shinnosuke. 

Gou looked away and made a face in Chase’s direction. Chase squinted at him as if trying to assess what the face meant. Gou wandered over closer to Chase so he could talk to him and try and ignore the situation happening over with Heart -- any time Shinnosuke brought up having Heart live with him and Kiriko he just sounded so damn awkward. “Shin-niisan’s going to make a fool of himself somehow, I feel it,” he whispered to Chase. 

Chase didn’t say anything, just nodded an imperceptibly small amount. Gou leaned his elbow on Chase’s shoulder and resigned himself to watching the action unfold. 

“. . .if you’d like to at least,” Shinnosuke was saying. “Until --” 

“Until Medic and Brain are with us again,” said Heart. “I will accept your very generous offer, Shinnosuke. It warms my heart to know that you would allow me to stay with you despite our somewhat troubled past.” 

“You’ve said it yourself, Heart,” said Shinnosuke. “We’re friends.” 

Heart always spoke as if he was your friend, even when he was killing you. “Can you believe this guy?” Gou muttered. “_ Warms my heart_.” 

“I can,” said Chase. “Heart always sincerely sought out a connection with Shinnosuke, though the nature of that connection varied.”

Heart _ had _ always had a weird energy around Shinnosuke. Gou tried not to think about it too hard. 

“You sure about him living with you guys?” Gou asked Kiriko a little later.

“What else would we do, put him up in a hotel? Honestly, I think he’s probably a great guy,” said Kiriko. “Once you get past the bad history, and I think we’re already a good way there. Besides. . . Shinnosuke pointed out the possibility that we’d basically have a live-in babysitter.”

“What?! You’re gonna let _ him _ babysit?!” 

“Do you feel like volunteering more?” snapped Kiriko. “No? Okay then.” 

“It’s just weird,” said Gou. 

“Gou, our dad was an evil belt. It’s all weird.” 

* * *

Gou needed a break from thinking about reviving Roidmudes and the only way to get a break from that was to drive to the middle of nowhere, where Heart couldn’t get to him. It’d only been a few days since his revival, but every day he’d managed to find an excuse to come ask Gou about _ when _ exactly he’d be bringing the other Roidmudes back. Gou knew that Heart meant more Roidmudes than just Brain and Medic, but chose to ignore that issue for the moment. He was good at ignoring issues for the moment. 

So he went to do some nature photography. And, speaking of issues he was ignoring, Chase went with him. 

“Hey, Chase, hold still,” he said, bracing himself against Chase’s shoulder to take a particularly difficult shot. 

He should feel guiltier about how much he enjoyed this: leaning on Chase, finding excuses to crowd into Chase’s space, the way he handed Chase the camera to show him how to use it because that meant he could hover behind him.

“I read the instruction manual, I am aware of its technical specifications,” said Chase.

“It’s different actually doing it -- lemme help you,” said Gou.

“Very well,” said Chase. 

Chase didn’t -- strictly speaking -- probably need quite as much help as Gou tried to deliver, but it was fun. He pointed out different birds to him, suggested pictures he could take, stopped himself just short of putting his hands all over Chase’s. 

Gou perched on his motorcycle to look at the pictures after Chase had taken a few. Chase looked over his shoulder. “Are the pictures acceptable?” 

Gou twisted around in his seat to look up at him. “Yeah, they look really good.” 

“That seems like a polite lie. I have seen your photography.” 

“Obviously they’re not as good as _ mine_,” said Gou. “But I’m extremely good -- I’ve won awards, you know -- and you’ve basically never done this. So. They’re alright. You’ll get better.”

“We can do this again?” asked Chase. 

“Well, I’m gonna need to keep Heart out of my hair _ somehow _,” said Gou. “It might as well be by hanging out in the middle of nowhere with you.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains cameos from W, OOOs, Fourze, Wizard, and Ghost. There aren't any actual spoilers for Wizard or Ghost but there's sort of TECHNICALLY an OOOs spoiler -- a sort of Schrodinger's OOOs spoiler -- re: the end of OOOs (you know what about), some small Fourze Details from the Wizard/Fourze movie and significant W spoilers. If I've done my job correctly the chapter should be fun to read without context for these things, but uh, just a heads up.

Chase could not quite understand why, but it seemed that now that Heart was back, the Kamen Rider known as “Gentarou” thought it was an appropriate time to hold a celebration. Chase and Gou took the train out some ways, to “Ama-no-Gawa.” 

Gou looked askance at the setting. “Is it seriously at a high school?” he asked.

“Is that unusual?” asked Chase. 

Gou shrugged, hands in his pockets. His face twisted for a moment before settling into what Chase recognized as the one he wore when acting “casually neutral.” “Just didn’t expect to be going to a party in a high school gymnasium with you, that’s all,” he said, which did not explain the situation at all.

He and Gou had settled into what Chase felt was an amicable but sometimes disorienting routine of behavior over the past few weeks. Chase was allowing himself to experiment with feeling selfish about Gou, with allowing himself to desire his presence or attention. Chase sensed some sort of shift in Gou’s emotional state but the whole thing was muddied by too many other variables -- he would have to wait. 

Shinnosuke, Kiriko, and Heart arrived together. The five of them congregated in the parking lot of the high school briefly before they went inside; a tense team huddle. Heart smiled at Chase. 

“Heart,” said Chase. 

Chase never knew what else to say when he saw Heart. What could one say in greeting that encompassed the complexity of the idea he wished to communicate? He was glad to see Heart, he was glad they were no longer enemies, he was glad to see him smile. Heart seemed to understand what he meant; that was enough. 

“Are you all ready?” asked Shinnosuke, rolling his shoulders. 

“It’s just a party, Shinnosuke,” said Heart. 

“No, it’s a _ Kamen Rider _ party,” said Gou. “You gotta brace yourself for it.” He patted Chase on the back. “Don’t worry, though -- stick near me and you’ll be fine.” 

Chase had already intended to. 

“This is very. . . space. . . themed?” said Kiriko as they entered the gymnasium.

Many papier-mache stars -- or objects Chase supposed were intended to be representative of stars -- hung from the ceiling. Streamers with small cartoon versions of planets littered the walls. 

“Is this also unusual?” asked Chase.

“Hmm,” said Kiriko, tilting her head to the side. “I have no idea.” 

A large banner displaying the words “Welcome Back Chase & Heart!!!” was stretched across the far wall of the gymnasium. The gymnasium was more full of people than Chase expected; all congregating in small groups; all talking very loudly. 

Someone in the crowd seemed to notice their arrival, and the crowd grew somewhat more quiet, oriented itself in their direction. “You got quite a turnout, Chase,” said Gou to him. 

“Me?” asked Chase. 

“Yeah, what, you think they’re here to look at me?” he asked, scoffing. 

A tall man with a pompadour separated himself from the crowd and bounded up to them. “Hey, hello, congratulations!” he said. “I’m so happy for you all! It’s so beautiful that you got your friends back.” He appeared to be crying. 

Chase looked over at Heart. Heart also seemed disoriented by this sight. “And who might you be?” asked Heart. 

The man stood up even straighter. “I’m Kisaragi Gentarou--” He tapped his chest twice and pointed at them. “--And I’m the guy who’s gonna make friends with every Kamen Rider!” 

“Must you every time, Kisaragi?” muttered a man nearby, but Gentarou did not seem to take any notice of him.

Chase felt as if a response was required from him, but the appropriate response for such a pronouncement did not come to mind. “Ah,” he said. “Kamen Rider.” 

Heart put his hand to his chest. “To make friends with every Kamen Rider. . . that is a truly noble goal.” 

Gou put his arm around Chase and steered him away from Heart and Gentarou. “Okay, that sounds like a good place for us to hop out of that convo,” he said. 

“Do you think it will not go well?” asked Chase.

Gou rolled his eyes in an exaggerated manner. “Oh, I think it’ll go real well. Too well. Hey, I see Terui Ryu! Let’s go bug him.” 

This was an individual familiar to Chase, though he had never encountered the man himself before. He and Gou walked towards a group of four people who were tightly clustered together. Gou seemed to grow more animated as they drew closer, possibly as to align his actions with those of a, how had Kiriko put it? A “goofball.” 

“Hey guys!” said Gou. “Glad you all could make it.” He put his hand on Chase’s elbow. “Chase, this is Terui Akiko and Ryu, and that’s Hidari Shoutarou and Philip. The Futo Kamen Riders. Everyone, this is Chase.” 

“Good to meet you,” said Hidari Shoutarou.

The man identified as “Philip” looked up from the book he had been reading. Chase did not see any text on the pages. “Ah, yes, Kamen Rider Chaser, also known as Mashin Chaser, formerly Proto-Drive. A Roidmude.” 

Hidari Shoutarou stepped on Philip’s toes. “Philip!” 

“What?” asked Philip “It’s true, isn’t it?” 

“That is correct,” said Chase.

Gou’s hand on Chase’s elbow tightened, though his expression did not change. 

Terui Akiko cleared her throat. “Well, I’m glad that you’re back!” she said. “Kiriko’s told us a lot about you.” 

Gou leaned over. “They hang out,” he said to Chase. 

“She has mentioned me?” asked Chase. 

“Yeah, she said that her--” Terui Akiko looked at Gou and then looked away. “That everyone was working very hard to bring you back.” 

Gou looked around, as if avoiding Terui Akiko’s gaze. Something caught his eye. “Hey, is that. . . a giant birthday cake?” he asked, pointing to the side. 

There was in fact a large cake with the words “Happy Birthday” written in purple and red icing on it. A bored looking woman stood next to the cake, staring at her phone. 

“Oh, that? You get used to it,” said Aikio. 

“Get used to large birthday cakes?” asked Gou. 

Gou had ended up, with his movement, turning Chase more towards the cake. There was a small replica of Signal Chaser sitting atop it. 

“It’s a whole thing,” said Akiko. “Satonaka -- have you met her yet, Gou? -- her boss just loves baking birthday cakes. We’ve all just accepted it, and besides, free cake.” 

The bored woman looked up from her phone and saw them looking at her. She walked over to their group, expression blank. “Hey Terui-Hidaris, hey. . . what’s your face. Kougami said I had to come over here and do his bit.” 

“No television screen this time?” asked Hidari. 

“I convinced him that lugging _ that _ whole setup around for an entire party was impractical.” The woman -- Satonaka, Chase assumed -- flipped her hair and looked directly at Chase. “My boss says happy birthday by the way. Imagine I said that like, really loudly and boisterously.” 

“It is not the day of my birth,” said Chase. “Technically, I was not ‘born’ in the same way that humans are, so I do not truly have a--” 

She shook her head. “No, you don’t have to explain. He just does that. Everything’s a birthday to him. He’s just trying to say ‘hey, nice job,’ but what can I say? The man loves his cakes. Oh, he also said to say --” She dug a piece of paper out of her pocket. “-- Congratulations, and that he hopes the fulfillment of this desire will lead to the birth of many new desires, or whatever.” 

Chase looked at Gou to gauge what might be the appropriate response to this interaction. His face was unhelpful in this regard. “That’s. . . nice?” said Gou. 

Chase decided nodding was a good response. 

Satonaka glanced at her phone again. “Anyway, this is boring. Have any of you seen Hina?” 

“She and Shingo were talking to Yuki over by the side entrance, last I saw,” said Akiko.

“Cool, peace,” said Satonaka. 

There was silence for a moment after Satonaka walked away. “It’s usually pretty good cake,” said Terui Ryu. 

Gou prodded Chase towards said cake in a way that indicated he wanted to leave the conversation. “Well, cool, good catching up,” said Gou. “Talk to you later!” 

Chase had not had the chance to tell Satonaka that neither he nor Heart could actually eat the cake. 

Gou stayed very close to Chase over the course of the night, which was appreciated -- he felt unmoored. Group after group of people approached them to offer some form of congratulations, despite the fact that only a few of them had ever met Chase before, and even then, they had met under circumstances that Chase himself did not remember clearly. It was odd to have this much attention centered around him, and none of it negative. Having people congratulate him, simply for existing -- it felt unearned, if not unpleasant. 

One of the only individuals Chase recognized upon introduction was Tenkuji Takeru. Chase had not truly had a chance to meet him during the brief time he had been revived, but Shinnosuke held him in high regard. “You were on the phone,” said Chase. 

“Yep, that’s me!” said Tenkuji Takeru. “You might remember Akari, though.” 

Chase did remember the young woman who stood next to Takeru. Tsukimura Akari. “Rinna’s friend,” said Chase. “The scientist.” 

This assessment seemed to make Tsukimura Akari happy. They chatted for a few minutes before being interrupted by a collision of other congratulatory parties; this continued on for quite some time, a whirlwind of enthusiastic and interconnected friends/coworkers/family. Gou stayed with him through it all: providing him names and tidbits of information, hanging on his arm or hovering behind him or ushering him about. 

Mapping out the different social groups in play proved challenging, even with Gou’s help. “I’ve met everyone here before I think,” said Gou. “Some of them just like, once or twice -- don’t worry about remembering who everyone is. They just wanna say hey.” 

At some point -- despite Gou’s attempt to avoid such a scenario -- they became briefly pulled back into Gentarou and Heart’s conversation. “Chase! I was just talking with Gentarou about the failures of a punitive justice system,” said Heart.

“And I couldn’t agree more,” said Gentarou, nodding emphatically. 

Gentarou, it seemed, did most things emphatically. Chase was glad to see Heart had found a kindred spirit of sorts; he had been concerned that Heart would be rejected by the others due to his prior position as adversary. 

When Gou extracted them from that conversation, he said to Chase: “See? I told you they’d get along too well.” 

Their escape velocity took them into the path of another individual seeking to introduce himself. He carried a briefcase, though it was past what Chase understood to be “business hours.” “Utahoshi Kengo,” he said, holding out his hand. Chase shook it. “You already met my partner, Gentarou. Kiriko’s told me a lot about you.” 

Chase had heard that sentence, or variations on that sentence, many times tonight. “You know her as well?” 

Gou leaned on Chase. “It’s this whole secret club thing. Kengo and Kiriko and a couple of others go off every two months and have meetings in locked rooms, plot plots, eat _ brunch _.” 

Kengo stuck his hand back in his pocket. “It’s not a _ secret _,” he said. “It’s just exclusive. Don’t be jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous,” said Gou. “I still don’t even really get the appeal. I mean, you have to hang out with you-know-who.” 

Kengo shrugged. “Him? He’s not that. . .” He grimaced. “Yeah okay. He’s that bad. But A--” 

Gou jumped and shushed him. “Don’t say the A Word.” 

“He doesn’t appear if you say his name three times, I promise,” said Kengo. 

“Yeah, I know but. . .” Gou shuffled closer to Kengo and leaned forward, so as to whisper. Chase leaned forward as well. “I don’t want him and Heart to meet. Ever.” 

Kengo frowned. Chase also frowned. He did not understand who they spoke of. 

“Is this some sort of ‘they used to work against us, what if they team up to destroy us all’ sort of thing? I thought you were all fairly confident about Heart.” 

Chase nodded. He had believed this to be the case as well. 

“It’s not that,” whispered Gou. “It’s that I think if Heart and Ankh ever met, Heart would try and make friends with Ankh and Ankh would try and _ kill him _.” 

Gou’s concern was touching, if unfounded. “Heart is incredibly skilled at combat. This ‘Ankh’ would have to work hard to kill him.” 

Gou swiveled his head to shush Chase. “Don’t say his name!” 

“Utahoshi Kengo indicated that uttering his name would not cause him to appear.” 

“It’s not about who’s better at fighting, it’s about the fact that if _ that guy _ tried to kill Heart it would hurt Heart’s feelings and then it’d be a whole _ thing _ and I’d just rather avoid it.” 

Kengo, who had been quietly laughing to himself, nodded in concession of Gou’s point. “You got me there -- that’s actually pretty understandable.” 

Gou was a kind person, even if he would not like to admit that that was the fact when it came to his dealings with Heart. Chase stood closer to Gou, in the hopes that he would initiate further physical contact.

“I’m just saying,” said Gou, putting his hand on Chase’s back, “If you see a guy who looks like _ that guy _ but blonde and an asshole, you should. . . well, you’ll be fine. But don’t let Heart near him.” 

The man Gou was pointing to (behavior which Chase felt violated the rules of polite party going) had been introduced to him earlier as “Izumi Shingo.” Izumi Shingo stood in a group that consisted of Hayase and Terui Ryu as well as several other individuals. One of those individuals spotted Gou pointing at Izumi Shingo and wandered over to join their group as well. Perhaps he was coming to chide Gou on his poor party behavior.

He was wearing gloves, which seemed unusual. Many attendees at this party had accessories incongruent with their setting. The man with the gloves nodded at Kengo and at Gou.

“Oh, hey Ryuusei,” said Gou. 

“Hey Gou,” said Ryuusei. He looked at Chase and smiled. “And who’s your friend?” His tone indicated that he was “teasing” Gou -- it was a tone Gou often employed when speaking to Shinnosuke. 

Gou took his hand away from Chase’s back. “Aw come on, you know. It’s Chase.” 

Ryuusei smiled, exchanged handshakes and polite nods. Chase was beginning to feel proficient in the handshake. “Congratulations,” he said. “Gou’s said a lot about you.” 

“Many individuals have repeatedly stated that this evening,” said Chase. 

Gou rubbed his face “I wish they’d stop,” he muttered. 

Ryuusei smiled much wider. “But it’s so nice to see you so happy! We’re all just trying to congratulate you.” 

Gou looked embarrassed. “Enough about that. How’s things with you? It’s been a while.” 

Ryuusei shrugged. “Oh, you know, work’s work. I can’t discuss any of it, obviously.” 

“He’s some sort of super spy,” stage-whispered Gou to Chase. 

“Thanks, Gou, try and say it a little louder next time. Anyway, _ that’s _not what’s interesting; what’s interesting is what’s been up with the two of you.” 

“Yes, how have things been?” asked Kengo. 

They were both looking directly at Gou, so Chase felt it best to let him field this one. “Oh, uh, you know,” said Gou, much more awkward than one would think he would become when asked a question of this nature. “Just. . . hanging out.” 

“Hanging out?” asked Kengo. 

“Just doing normal things,” said Gou. 

Ryuusei was attempting to conceal his laughter. Chase felt he should perhaps step in after all. “We went to an aquarium,” he said. 

“An aquarium?” asked Kengo.

“Gou wishes to show me the variety of human experience,” said Chase.

Ryuusei ceased attempting to conceal his laughter. “Oh, does he?” 

“Lay off, Sakuta,” said Kengo, but he was also laughing. 

“We’re going now,” said Gou. 

“It was nice to meet you!” said Kengo, as Gou dragged Chase away. 

Ryuusei was still laughing. 

* * *

“Do you wanna talk to anyone else right now?” asked Gou. 

Chase could not keep track of all of the people he had met so far. He was still not sure what his responsibilities were, as a person whose name was on the banner decorating the back wall, whereas Heart seemed to be taking it in stride. “It would be preferable to not speak with anyone for a moment, I believe,” he said. 

There were several acceptable tables in the corner. They sat. Gou gently punched Chase in the arm, as one did with one’s buddies. “You’re doing great,” he said.

“I am not sure why they all want to talk to me,” said Chase. “They have no personal connection to me.” 

“Sure they do,” said Gou. “They know you’re important to the rest of us and. . . and they know that you’re a Kamen Rider. You’re one of them.” 

Chase looked out across the expanse of the gymnasium. His friends and associates were spread through other clumps of people: Shinnosuke and Kiriko were chatting amiably with Akiko, Takeru, and an older man Chase vaguely remembered as being an associate of Soma Haruto’s. Nitou Kosuke (“_Professor _ Nitou Kosuke” Gou had told him) was engaged in an intense dialogue with Kengo and Akari -- Chase had expected to see Rinna there, but instead found her at a different table, sitting very close to Izumi Hina’s friend Chiyoko. They appeared to be having a nice time. Kyu spoke with Ryuusei and a young woman wearing all black who Chase had not yet had the opportunity to meet. Hayase and Otta and Honganji stood in a cluster near Soma Haruto’s other friends, Rinko and Shunpei (who Chase did not find as much of a “pushover” as Kiriko and Gou had indicated). What an odd thought, to think he belonged in the middle of this. 

Gou’s face became one of extreme distress. “Oh no, is Heart talking to Date and Gotou? I gotta go. Chase, I’ll. . . I’ll be right back.” 

Gou vaulted over several chairs in order to reach where Heart was talking to two other men who had previously been introduced to Chase as “Date” and “Goutou.” Chase stayed seated at the table. He spent a minute watching Gou insert himself into the conversation: he managed to execute a handspring that landed him directly between Date and Goutou and Heart before animatedly waving his arms about as if trying to block the two other men from Heart’s view. 

Hidari Shoutarou and Philip lingered nearby. Chase watched as they had an animated conversation that ended with Hidari shouting “Well, fine, I’ll do that then!” and stalking off. Philip approached the table Chase was at and sat down.

“Shoutarou informed me that the way I phrased my introduction might lead you to think that I thought you weren’t a person,” said Philip. 

Chase paused for a moment as he processed Philip’s statement. “It did not,” said Chase. “It was factual.” 

“Good! Then we understand each other,” said Philip.

Chase nodded and said nothing else. He was not clear on what Philip was hoping to gain from this interaction, unless it was to reassure himself that he had done nothing wrong. Chase waited for Philip to talk again or to get up and leave. 

Philip drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “I’m not technically human either, you know.” 

“I wasn’t aware that there were any other non-human Kamen Riders.”

“Oh, besides you and me? There’s a few. And there’s a couple other people who have tenuous and complicated relationships with humanity. For example: Ankh’s just a hand.” 

Chase decided to put that information aside for the moment. “I. . . see.” 

“And that’s why it’s extra dumb that Shoutarou wanted me to apologize to you!”

“There was not anything to apologize for.” 

“Yes exactly!” said Philip. “It’s because he’s _ sensitive_. Him and. . . you know, your friend Shijima Gou. _ Guys like them_. Always going to the beach to cry when they’re sad. Always trying to pretend like they’re someone they’re not. It’s very silly. I never try and pretend to be someone else.” He flipped his hair. “And I don’t think you do either.” 

Chase assessed the validity of that statement. “That is a commonality we share. It is, however, one that has proven to cause problems.” 

“Oh,” said Philip. “Problems. I understand. I’ve had to acclimate myself to the world before as well, much as you are now. Which is a very interesting but very long story, and I don’t care to abridge it. The point is, I know what it’s like to feel as if people expect you to know what you’re supposed to do without any context or information whatsoever.” 

Chase nodded. Never had he met someone who could so clearly articulate the day to day frustrations of attempting to make himself known. “Sometimes they have strange reactions that are difficult to parse, but I cannot ask follow-up questions about the response --” 

“Because they’re too embarrassed to actually answer,” said Philip, nodding. “Or at least, I’m guessing that’s part of it.” 

Chase felt a little surprised at the accuracy of the statement. “I had surmised this was part of the issue. I am glad I am not alone in experiencing this.” 

“At least I have a whole library in my head; I could always look something up if everyone was being particularly weird about it.” 

“You have a library in your head?” asked Chase, as he felt he was being prompted to. 

“It’s a part of the whole very long _ very _ fascinating story I’m not bothering to abridge here and now -- it’s much funnier if Shoutarou does it, I can make him do all the voices -- but yes, I can access a great deal of information directly. It’s very impressive.” 

It did sound fairly impressive. “That seems like a highly useful skill. If I wish to know something, I must go to a physical library, and they do not carry books on all subjects.” Additionally, he had surmised -- from looking at one “self help” book -- that many books that might purport to explain human behavior were utterly useless and would only serve to confuse him further.

“I know everything there is to know,” said Philip. “You can ask me anything, and I can look it up instantly!” 

“Anything?” asked Chase.

Philip leaned closer. “Anything at all.” 

Chase contemplated for a long moment. There were many questions he would not ask his friends, as he worried they might either misinterpret his reasons for asking the question or else be unable to give him accurate and understandable information. Philip was much more straightforward, and understood the issue he faced. But which question should he ask? 

“Basketball,” he said. 

“Basketball?” asked Philip. 

“I know the rules of basketball,” said Chase. “But I do not know the emotion behind it. I do not know the. . . spirit. . . of basketball.” 

Philip leaned back in his chair. He was smiling. “What a novel approach! Very interesting. . . hmm. . . the spirit of basketball. . .” 

The next few minutes consisted mostly of Philip prompting Chase for “keywords.” He did his best to identify suitable “keywords,” and was not sure if the fact that Philip hadn’t said anything or opened his eyes in several minutes was good or not. When Hidari Shoutarou returned carrying a plate he did not seem alarmed by Philip’s behavior, so this must be normal.

“Do you want any cheese cubes?” asked Hidari Shoutarou, pushing the plate towards Chase. “I figure one of us has to be polite.” 

“I cannot eat,” said Chase.

“Ah, well, of course, right,” said Hidari Shoutarou. He spent a minute trying to construct a rudimentary model of a building out of the cheese cubes, but it did not appear to be going well. “How is. . . everything going? Now that you’re back?” 

“Fine,” said Chase. 

Hidari Shoutarou nodded. “Good. Good.” 

Chase looked around his surroundings again. Gou was executing a series of flips across one side of the room, either as a distraction technique or in an attempt to show off -- either was equally likely. Kiriko had exited the conversational group she had been a part of to attempt to corral Gou with accompanying gymnastics: a failing strategy. 

“You really aren’t a man of many words,” said Hidari Shoutarou.

“No,” said Chase. 

Hidari Shoutarou adjusted his hat, though to what effect Chase was not sure. “You know, I met Gou years ago. Terui dragged him into my office one day because he was causing some trouble. And I ah, had to set him straight.”

Chase understood the gesture with the hat now. Hidari was, as Philip had indicated, a guy like Gou. He had to engage in artifice to allow himself to express genuine feeling. 

Hidari continued. “I could tell he was upset about something. He reminded me a lot of myself, back when I was younger -- he’d lost someone important to him, same as I had. It was really tearing him up, too. It’s a relief to see him now -- I didn’t know how long he’d last like that. I barely made it a year without Philip. Of course, it helped that he had a plan to bring you back, but still. . . living with that sort of uncertainty, that sort of. . . absence. . . isn’t easy on a guy. I hope you can appreciate that.” 

“You formed maladaptive coping strategies while processing the loss of your partner, and you fear that Gou is the same.” 

Hidari looked as if he was about to be affronted but decided better of it. “Just because you’re back doesn’t mean that he’s not still in mourning, or that there isn’t an adjustment period. I thought I was losing my mind after Philip got back; I was happy but it was like trying to come to a complete stop very suddenly when you’ve been going seventy miles over the speed limit for a year.” 

Chase nodded. Car metaphors. 

Hidari fiddled with his hat again. “Just. . . keep that in mind, will you? A guy like that’s a guy to treasure.” 

Philip opened his eyes. “Shoutarou, you are exceedingly corny today, but it’s cute. I have finished the lookup on ‘basketball.’ Chase, we have much to discuss.” 

Hidari clamped a hand on his hat, as if a strong wind was about to blow it away. “You spent that long looking up _ basketball? _” he asked. His voice was much louder now.

“Ah, my cheese cubes, excellent,” said Philip, reaching for the plate.

“It was the spirit of basketball,” said Chase. “We know the rules already.” 

* * *

At the end of the night, Gentarou performed a “friendship handshake” with Chase. This was a more advanced form of handshake than those he had previously participated in: Chase did not feel fully prepared for the task, but Gentarou pronounced it a success.

Gou and Chase left together. “I hope that wasn’t all too much,” said Gou. “Did you have an okay time?”

“Philip and I are going to ‘shoot hoops’ on Saturday,” said Chase. 

“Oh, that guy,” said Gou. He frowned. “I didn’t like that he said you weren’t human.” 

“Why?” asked Chase. “It’s true. You yourself have pointed this out on many occasions.” 

Gou stopped walking, so Chase stopped as well. “Yeah I did, but it doesn’t make a difference -- you’re still a person, you know?” 

Chase tilted his head. He knew that Gou thought of him differently than he did when they initially met, but it was still always interesting to hear him express these opinions aloud. “You used to believe otherwise.” 

Gou looked away from him, ashamed. “I’ve changed, I hope.” 

He had. Gou had always been a good person, if a confusing and ill-informed one. He exhibited a quality that from all of his observation of people Chase thought might be rarely cultivated: the ability to change his mind and commit to repairing harm he had done when he was working with an incomplete set of information. Chase had known, even when Gou said that he hated him, that Gou would appear if he truly needed his assistance. Now Chase knew that Gou would actively want to help him as well. It was strange to think of Gou years ago, distraught over him in Hidari Shoutarou’s office. That he had not been able to let go and move on was alarming in a way, but it was also the only reason that Chase stood here right now. 

A guy like that’s a guy to treasure. . . how was Chase to demonstrate that he “treasured” Gou? “I am glad you are my friend.” 

Gou was pleased but embarrassed. “C’mon Chase, don’t get all sappy on me,” he said. “But uh, I’m glad you’re my friend too.” 

They began walking again, in silence. It was unaccountably pleasant to walk next to Gou, to share this time with him. He felt content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ankh is fine, don't worry about it. 
> 
> Like, okay -- so. We couldn't. . . set this any later than August 2017. . . because we haven't seen Ex-Aid yet and we would ABSOLUTELY have to watch All of it and ABSOLUTELY this chapter would have been five times as long and be mostly about Kujo Kiriya and Poppy. We both know ourselves.
> 
> I, Meagan, would apologize for the ultimately deeply indulgent nature of this chapter, but I'm not the one who decided a bunch of the Phase II riders share a universe and I'm not the one who made character decisions about Gentarou that made it highly plausible for most of the riders to hang out sometimes. Not Gaim, though -- no one talks about Zawame City. No one goes to Zawame City. Kouta never picks up his phone.


	7. Chapter 7

Gou had thought that Chase would perhaps find a magic show novel, but had never dreamed that he’d actually deeply enjoy seeing one. It was. . . well, really cute, actually. 

“Everyone else is equally flummoxed as to how these ‘tricks’ are possible,” said Chase, leaning closer to Gou so he could talk in his ear. Chase understood the necessity of being quiet in theaters as much as Dream Chase had. “Is that correct?” 

He needed to stop thinking about how endearing Chase was when he realized he was having the same reactions as other people. “Yeah, you’re getting it,” said Gou. He clapped as the magician pulled off another stunt. “That’s the appeal.” 

Chase kept his eyes on the stage, still puzzled but pleased. “That young woman is uninjured?” 

“She’s totally fine,” said Gou. 

The young woman in question -- the magician -- was someone Terui Ryu knew, some former client of Hidari’s. Gou was going to have to accept that Chase and Philip had, in fact, hit it off and he was going to be seeing more of Double than he necessarily wanted to from now on. Not that he _ disliked _ Hidari; it was more the uncomfortable sensation that Hidari thought he understood Gou better than he wanted him to. It was nice of him to offer them the tickets. 

“I’m glad you liked it,” said Gou afterwards as they walked home. “I saw a magic show when I was younger and I got kinda obsessed with trying to figure out how to do magic tricks for a little bit.” 

“Can you still perform any?” asked Chase. 

Gou bumped into Chase as they were walking and scuffed his feet. “Aw, maybe a little,” said Gou. “Nothing near as impressive as that magician though, you know.” 

Chase looked over at Gou. “Can you also turn invisible?”

Gou jumped up on a ledge that ran parallel to the sidewalk and laughed, rolling his eyes. “Don’t make fun of me. Nothing like that. A couple card tricks probably, that’s it.”

“Would you demonstrate them for me?” 

Gou needed to change the subject, fast. “I like doing stuff like this with you. It’s fun.” 

Chase frowned. “So you will not perform any card tricks.” 

Gou hopped down and jumped on Chase’s back. “I never said that! Maybe you should learn some magic tricks instead, huh? Ever think about that?” 

Chase put up with him hanging off his back for a few moments before gently shoving him off. “But I wish to see you perform them.” 

“It’d be disappointing after what you just saw, I’m sure,” said Gou. He really had not practiced any of them in quite a while. 

Chase gave him a look that Gou couldn’t quite read. “I am attempting to provide you with the opportunity to ‘show off.’ Is that not what you desire? You would not have mentioned that you could perform magic tricks otherwise.” 

Gou kicked a rock. Hidari might think he understood Gou, but the person who understood Gou the best was Chase and that was _ terrifying _, in a way Gou didn’t want to examine too closely. “You’re awfully chatty today, aren’t you?” 

“I enjoy ‘doing stuff’ with you as well,” said Chase. “There is often much to discuss.” 

Their eyes met for a moment. Gou looked away first. For once, he was the one who didn’t have anything to say. 

* * *

Gou had finally gotten to the point where when he opened the door after coming back from the store he wasn’t surprised to see Chase there. Which was less embarrassing, to be sure -- Chase seemed perpetually perplexed by his lack of object permanence -- but felt weird in a different way. Was this something he should be getting used to? 

For today, at least, he resolved not to worry about it too much. Gou kicked the door shut, which prompted Chase to look up from the book he was reading to nod at him.

“Hey Chase,” he said in return. He wandered into the kitchen to put the groceries away. “Reading anything good?” 

“I am reading about rocks,” said Chase.

“Rocks?” asked Gou. He shoved a bag into the refrigerator. “Sounds boring.” 

“There are many types of rocks,” said Chase. “I had not previously considered the distinctions between them. Did you know about the great variety of rocks?” 

Gou laughed. He finished putting the food away and wandered into the living room. “I mean, I guess there’s a lot of different kinds? But I dunno, geology was never my thing.” 

“I did not realize that an entire branch of science was dedicated to examining them,” said Chase. “This book details in length many different ways geologists might determine a variety of characteristics in order to better understand them. For example. . .” 

Gou flopped down on the couch next to Chase. He hadn’t imagined any scenario like this when he had imagined what he and Chase would do after Chase was back: Chase listing off different facts about rock classification while Gou half-listened, half-admired how he looked when he talked. Chase wasn’t _ animated_, he was never _ animated_, but when he was interested his stiffness changed in character. He leaned forward slightly more, he held his arms a little less precisely -- the changes may have been imperceptible to someone else, but for Gou they were clear as day.

“Uh huh,” said Gou. “And do they really lick the rocks too?” 

Chase’s almost-smile was better than any expression anyone else could ever make. Gou rested his chin in his hands. Sitting here next to him was more than nice enough to make up for the years spent restlessly searching for a method to revive him. He could stay here and listen to Chase talk about geology for hours and oh fuck. No, no, this could not happen to him -- not here and now, not like this. Not with Chase right there, telling him about _ geologists licking rocks. _

“Gou?” asked Chase. “You look. . . ill.” 

Gou certainly felt ill -- sickened by himself, betrayed by his own heart, his own damn inability to think and feel correctly. Why did he have to be like this? 

The very least he could do was try and act the right way. “Oh, I’m fine, you know me! Keep going, what were you saying?” 

Chase frowned but continued. His face was just so damn awkward looking all the time. Gou’s whole world was rapidly crashing around his shoulders. Nowhere in his plan had he accounted for falling in love with Chase. 

Chase, who lived with him. Chase, who sat very close and let Gou touch him in ways that were overly familiar. Chase, who was staring right into his eyes and reaching for his shoulder. 

Gou flinched. He tried to turn it into a yawn and a stretch, but it wasn’t his finest work. He had to fucking get ahold of himself already. If he kept up like this he was going to confuse or upset Chase and he couldn’t stand the thought of that because -- again, the thought catapulted unbidden into his head -- he’d fallen in love with Chase.

He rolled off the couch and tried hard to keep the panic from showing, though Chase’s countenance suggested he was doing poorly in that regard. He needed space to _ think _ , he’d _ love _space to yell but there was no way he was going to get away with sneaking off to the Drive Pit at this hour without being tailed by Chase and besides, Hypnos was there. 

“I should probably be heading to bed, you know,” said Gou.

Chase was still frowning, why was he still frowning? “You do not usually retire to bed this early,” he said. 

“Oh, well, you know,” said Gou, tripping backwards to the door. He couldn’t think of an end to that sentiment. “Good night!”

He slammed the door behind him and sank to the floor immediately. What the _ fuck _ was he doing? He had to keep it cool. Everything would be fine, everything _ had to be _ fine, he wouldn’t let something as trivial and catastrophically stupid as his emotions get in the way of what he had promised himself he would do -- get Chase back, keep Chase safe, show Chase the variety of human experience. Why did he have to be like this? 

Gou just had to figure out what the fuck to do. He’d done this before -- he’d fooled Kiriko into thinking he was just fine for months and months, he’d fooled everyone into thinking he’d ever work with someone like Brain for. . . well. . . long enough. He could pretend like he wasn’t in love with Chase. 

* * *

Shijima Gou was born to suffer and die. Case in point: when attempting to visit his dear older sister’s home for a much-needed bout of sympathetic sibling affirmation after a long and restless night, he found the Tomari household free of Tomaris, but riddled with Heart.

“What are _ you _ doing here?” asked Gou. He pointed accusingly, as if that would make Heart explain himself more fully.

Heart sat at the kitchen table wearing a red robe and drinking out of the _ Cars _ mug Gou bought for Shinnosuke as a joke last time he was in America. “I live here,” said Heart.

Shijima Gou was born to suffer and die. He did this to himself: _ he _ revived Heart, _ he _ bought Shinnosuke that mug, _ he _had made the series of life decisions that led to him falling in love with Chase. Now he found it difficult to even look Heart in the eye.

“I still don’t get why they let you stay here,” said Gou.

He knew that he acted with an undue amount of vitriol towards Heart, especially considering the turn Heart had taken towards the end of the Roidmude conflict, his suffering at the hands of Banno, the good intent he showed. But he could never quite stop himself. 

“Shinnosuke is my dear friend,” said Heart. “I am glad he and Kiriko felt they could open their home to me. I will, of course, find somewhere to stay with Brain and Medic once they are also revived--” He looked wistful for a moment and Gou reminded himself that he would _ not _ be swayed by Heart. “--but until that time, I will remain here.” 

Gou scowled. He did not care to adjust to a reality where Heart sat in his sister’s kitchen drinking coffee, perusing the business section of the newspaper. “And how is Chase doing?” asked Heart.

Gou especially did not care to adjust to a reality where Heart sat in his sister’s kitchen drinking coffee, perusing the business section of the newspaper, and asking him questions about Chase. Especially not now. Did Heart know? “You saw him like, two days ago. You went off on one of your. . . your weird outings.” 

“A lot can happen in two days, Gou,” said Heart. 

“Like you even really care,” said Gou. He knew he was lashing out and he didn’t particularly care. “You’re just sucking up to us to get us to bring back all your little Roidmude friends.” 

Heart put the cup down. “Of course I care about Chase. And as I have said, the Tomaris are my friends. I wish to be your friend as well, Gou, as I believe we will be working together for a long time.” 

“Why won’t you just get mad at me like you should when I say shit like that?” asked Gou. “You’re not nice like he is, I know that’s not why.” 

“I’ve often felt compassion for you, even when we were enemies. We have. . . several things in common that allow me to understand why you would lash out, and that makes it difficult for me to be anything but sad in conversations like this. Besides, you’re important to Chase.” 

“You shouldn’t even talk about him, you’ve hurt Chase a lot.” 

Gou hated how genuine Heart’s face looked. “We’ve both hurt Chase a lot, but we’re both trying to make amends, aren’t we?”

“Chase deserved better than you,” said Gou.

“Yes,” said Heart. “He was always the best of us, in a way. I am so genuinely happy that he’s found a place for himself with you.” 

Chase deserved better than Gou too. “His place is wherever he wants to be,” said Gou.

Heart made a sweeping gesture. “As I said,” he said. “With you.” 

Gou turned around and left. Really, sometimes the only winning move was not to play at all. 

* * *

After the failed attempt to find solace from someone familiar, he’d skulked back home, hoping that at some point in transit he’d shake the way he felt loose. Like a bad dream. But, of course, it hadn’t worked.

Sitting in the apartment was untenable. The whole situation was untenable, but sitting at his desk and pretending to edit pictures was _ highly _ unsustainable. He could not be alone in his very small apartment with Chase any longer. Gou wished he could be away from himself, honestly, somewhere else entirely until this blew over. And it _ had _ to blow over.

Maybe a change in setting would help. “Hey Chase let’s go do something.” 

“Such as?” 

“Uh. . . uh. . . like the beach or. . .” Gou couldn’t think of anything else. 

“The beach. Very well.” 

This was, of course, a huge mistake. Why had he said the beach? What -- besides the obvious -- was wrong with him? 

Naturally, it was almost sunset. No one else was around; just a long empty stretch of sand and water. Gou, desultory, took a picture. “You been to the beach before?” asked Gou. He ran through various fights in his head. “Recreationally, I mean. Not for fighting.” 

“Yes,” said Chase. 

He took another picture. He wished they wouldn’t look good, as the scenery was like ash in his mouth, but he knew they would turn out perfectly. “Well, so this was pretty dumb then,” said Gou.

Chase moved a little closer, so Gou took a corrective step further away. “I did not walk, though,” said Chase. “That is new.” 

Chase looked so beautiful. Gou hated himself so much. It took all of his considerable effort to not stare at Chase in a way that very well might give him away. Because that was the issue: Chase might find emotions like love perplexing at times, but he’d read Shinnosuke and Kiriko like an open book.

He kept imagining taking Chase’s hand in his, nice and casual. He couldn’t feel casual about Chase but he could pretend to, if he needed. Or maybe he wouldn’t try and be casual: this was the kind of setting where you swept a guy off his feet. 

Gou was being ridiculous. It was a moot point. Nature itself mocked him. 


	8. Chapter 8

“Tomari Eiji, your Uncle Gou is acting strangely,” said Chase. 

Tomari Eiji did not give an intelligible response, nor did Chase expect him to. This was one reason that Chase found it pleasant to spend time with the youngest Tomari; he never had extreme and bizarre reactions to statements Chase made. Mostly Tomari Eiji crawled and picked up items that he should not and babbled. 

He was glad that Kiriko and Shinnosuke now entrusted him with Eiji on his own, after receiving adequate instruction in the task of “babysitting.” Chase had, of course, supplemented the knowledge they gave him by reading books about child development. It was important to be as informed as possible when it came to Eiji’s care. He knew that it was good to talk to babies at this age, and Tomari Eiji was a good listener. 

“He keeps avoiding looking at me, and I do not know why,” said Chase. “Yesterday evening we went to the beach at his suggestion, but it seemed to make him feel unwell. Furthermore, observation of his sleeping patterns and behaviors indicates he is no longer sleeping as soundly as he had of late. Tomari Eiji, you are related to him. Perhaps you know why.” 

Tomari Eiji picked up a wooden block and gurgled something in response.

“I see. You are also perplexed.” 

Eiji dropped the block and crawled around, as if searching for something. Chase spent the next few minutes attempting to ascertain which toy he wanted, and the next few minutes after that stacking blocks for him to knock over. Tomari Eiji was not very good at stacking blocks on his own, but he liked knocking them over very much. 

He felt it was not inappropriate to talk as they played, and it was good for Eiji. “I know that Gou is currently engaging in theatrical behavior in an attempt to dissemble, but I am not aware of what it is he is trying to hide. This is particularly vexing as I thought we had developed a closeness as of late, one that I enjoyed. He often deploys this strategy when he feels uncomfortable; do you think some action I took led to his discomfort?” 

Eiji knocked over Chase’s latest stack of blocks and said several nonsense words happily. 

“Yes, these are all questions I should certainly ask your uncle himself. But I fear that confronting him directly at this juncture would lead to an increased amount of theatricality -- your relatives have the alarming tendency to completely fall apart when asked to participate in conversations about their feelings. I hope that by speaking to you of these matters I can help you avoid that particular pitfall later in life.” 

Chase often found interacting with Eiji to be humorous, though he could not pinpoint why. “Perhaps I should ask Philip about this. . . no. This seems like an unwise course of action. Besides which, I do not know if Philip’s knowledge base extends to this matter.” 

This time Eiji looked at Chase solemnly when he knocked over the blocks, as if to say that he concurred. Chase patted him on the head. “Tomari Eiji, you cannot understand most of what I say, but I appreciate your sympathetic ear.” 

Eiji abandoned the blocks and presented Chase with a much chewed-upon book. “You are attempting to cheer me up with your favorite book. That is very kind of you, Tomari Eiji. Have no fear, I am not overly disheartened. But I will read you the book.” 

The only real option available to Chase, as far as he saw it, was to continue to wait. For now, at least. 

* * *

If there was one thing Gou knew, it was that the world didn’t stop turning just because he had a terrible earth-shattering personal realization. He still had work to do; maybe it would be good to distract himself from his current predicament with something productive. 

“I’m going to the Drive Pit for a little bit,” said Gou to Chase. It was morning -- two nights had passed since _that_ had happened, and the second night had been worse than the first. “I’ll be back way before we gotta go to that thing tonight -- you know? The thing?” 

“The Special Investigations Unit Dinner, yes,” said Chase. He stood. “I will go with you to the Drive Pit.” 

Gou was a man of two terrible warring impulses: the impulse to ask Chase to never leave his side, and the impulse to go to the Drive Pit and scream. Chase was so distracting but he was also so helpful. Sometimes. “You really don’t have to,” said Gou. “It’s no big deal.” 

“No. I will go with you,” said Chase. He was already halfway out the door. “You have a tendency to lose track of time when in the Drive Pit.” 

Gou gave up and let it happen. He tried to not _ think _ too much on the ride over and once they arrived he tried -- he really did -- to focus on the matter at hand. Namely: Brain. Who would have ever thought that thinking about Brain would be a sort of mercy? 

They had the data for both Medic and Brain and Medic’s body was all but ready to go, but Brain was a different matter. Gou was starting to think they were just going to have to abandon trying to rein in the number of poisons he had. He’d known for a while that that aspect of Brain’s ability set was likely intrinsically linked not to his physical form but to the core itself, but he and Kyu had been valiantly struggling to figure out how to at least _ limit _the poison potential. Rinna would have, admittedly, been better at tackling this particular project as Kyu worked mostly with the software and not the hardware, but Rinna was willing to live and let live with regard to poisons. Kyu was not.

Mostly -- and Gou was a mature enough person to admit this to himself -- it was a stalling tactic. As long as he didn’t bring back Brain and Medic this whole revival scheme would remain highly self-contained, limited, the exception instead of the rule. Bringing back those two made it more real. 

But there was still the matter of Heart. Gou read the results of the latest set of tests on Brain’s body and sighed. “Man, I kinda feel bad for Heart. He must miss Brain and Medic a lot -- it’s a good thing we’re bringing them back, I guess. Like, Heart sucks, but I know what it’s like to miss your buddy.” 

Gou looked up from his papers to see that Chase had stopped what he was doing. He was regarding Gou with the same expression he often had before asking Shinnosuke something particularly abstract. Gou braced himself. 

“Gou, when did you start thinking of me as a friend?” 

Well, of course Chase would ask that now, as soon as he admitted to himself that he couldn’t think of Chase as only a friend. The one saving grace was that he’d already had this conversation in a way, albeit with the dream version of Chase and not the actual article.

He thought back to that day, that moment. “You remember that time by the river? After you tried to ‘rescue’ me from Brain and all them?” 

“When I punched you,” said Chase. 

Gou laughed. “Yeah, you did do that.” 

“That was when we almost lost Shinnosuke.” 

“It was,” said Gou. “But that’s the moment I think I really realized we could work together, that you really were a Kamen Rider. You understood what I was trying to accomplish, and you told me that I could still help. I realized then that at the end of the day we had at least some goals in common. . . and that you were willing to keep me from fucking up massively. If you hadn’t decked me, none of the good stuff that happened after that would’ve happened. So, thank you.” 

Whenever he thought back to that moment -- and he thought back to it quite a bit, though he’d shied away from the memory recently -- he found himself attaching more personal importance to it: if the photoshoot disaster was in his private mythology the moment his ruin had begun, that moment was the one where he’d started to get back on the right track. That moment was the first time Chase saved Gou’s life. It’d been terrible, one of the worst days of his life, his lowest point, but Chase had been there at the bottom. 

Gou found himself waiting for Chase to say what he thought he’d say next: _ you don’t need to thank me, I’m happy as long as you and Shinnosuke and Kiriko are happy_, but instead Chase seemed to be studying Gou even more intensely. “You felt more positively about me in that moment than I realized.” 

“Huh?” asked Gou.

“You said that was the moment you realized we might become friends,” said Chase. “I had thought you would have identified a moment much later, when we were clearly working towards the same goals -- not the incident in which I had to restrain you to stop you from thwarting both of our plans.”

Gou looked away. “Well, I mean, _ now _ I can say that that’s when that happened, but back then I was mostly angry with you. Now it’s a more positive memory.” 

And it had become a more positive memory over time, after the initial shock of Shinnosuke’s temporary death and his own incompetence in the face of it had worn off. Now when he thought about that time he could feel gratitude and a sense of comradery, but that was a narrative ordering of milestone moments, not a reflection of how he’d really felt, certainly. He’d hated Chase back then, loathed everything he stood for. But -- and maybe this was why he’d kept that memory at arm’s length recently, found it difficult to think about once Chase existed in his proximity -- thinking about it now, he couldn’t deny that in that moment he’d felt something more than anger: he’d felt understood. Understood and. . . 

He moved further away from Chase and pretended as if he needed to organize the papers on the worktable. Too bad his hands were shaking. Well, he could just walk away from a conversation: Chase did it all the time, why couldn’t he? The papers needed organizing, he’d made his point, he’d said his bit and he couldn’t keep talking, he couldn’t, because he couldn’t have felt this way about Chase for _ that _long; it was impossible. He’d barely given up on trying to kill him; certainly hadn’t felt willing to let go of his pride and his desire for revenge enough to actively accept Chase’s friendship. Feelings beyond a basic revelation of Chase’s innate goodness and their mutual desire to help Kiriko had definitely been out of the question at that stage. 

Memories were flashing through his head at an alarming speed, each one worse than the next. The weight of Chase’s hand on his shoulder; the incredible sorrow he’d experienced when Chase had faded away after their encounter with Kamen Rider Ghost and Specter; the way he’d felt when Chase had said he was in love with Kiriko; the sympathy he’d felt for Chase after the incident with 099; how he’d missed normal Chase when Chase had been being all cheery; every single time he’d gotten in Chase’s face. 

Gou needed to break this down into manageable chunks. First, a fact: when Chase had leaned over him after punching him, he’d felt attracted to Chase. Okay, okay, “attracted to” was a little bit of an understatement -- he’d been incredibly turned on. Just for a second. But that was fine: as previously established, most people felt attracted to Chase and it’d been an emotionally charged moment. Also a fact: he’d felt something more complicated than lingering hatred or begrudging acceptance or even tentative friendship towards Chase before he died. Back then, Chase represented so much to him: both that which he wished to destroy and that which he desired to be. Chase was a better person than him, and he’d known that even when he was telling Chase there was no way they could be friends. 

Counter argument to the idea that he’d been in love with Chase for longer than a few weeks: he’d dated Reiko. Sure, it hadn’t _ worked out_, and he wouldn’t say he ever really felt like he was in _ love _with her, but that was something. But reviewing the tapes on Reiko dug up an image he found hard to bear: when Reiko first kissed him, she hadn’t been who he’d been thinking about.

He kept his back turned to Chase. His new plan had been simple: make sure Chase didn’t know how he felt, make sure no one _ else _ knew how he felt, wait for the feelings to pass. But the plan was falling apart already: he knew he’d been acting absurd ever since the moment he’d realized he was in love with Chase. He knew he’d only act stranger now. And he knew that he couldn’t just try and outwait his feelings for Chase because he’d had them for years -- even when he was _ apparently _ shoving them down as far as they would go they still bubbled up to the surface. Especially with Chase right here, within his reach. Gou knew that if he looked over his shoulder and saw Chase standing there it would ruin something within him. The sight of him in the Drive Pit now would be unbearable, because he was in some ways so much farther away than he’d ever been before.

But he had to look back. When had he ever been able to stop? And when he looked at Chase, Chase was still staring at him. Gou wanted nothing more than to be by his side.

“I-- I have to go,” he said, and vaulted out the door before Chase could say anything.

* * *

Gou did what he always did when he didn’t know what else to do: he went to go lay on the floor of Kiriko’s hallway. Last time he’d failed to account for Heart’s schedule, but now he would be free to wallow on the ground in peace. He’d be melodramatic on purpose, and Kiriko would tell him he was being silly; he’d have the chance to present to her an interpretation of his behavior that would be more palatable than the truth. And then when he’d gotten a grip on himself, when he’d pushed this ridiculous feeling down, she’d think that he’d recovered. 

Or at least that had been the plan. He went to let himself into the house, but Kiriko opened the door before he could get the key in the lock. She was carrying a laundry basket on one hip. “Gou?” she asked. 

“Oh, uh -- hey, Nee-chan,” he said. 

“Come on in,” she said. “Are you -- what’s up?” 

The order of events was irrevocably mixed up now. The whole scenario hinged on him not having to talk to Kiriko face to face right away. “I. . . can’t a guy come over to see his big sister just to say hi?” 

She put down the laundry basket. “Eiji’s taking a nap right now. You should come in and sit down and I’ll get you something to drink.” 

Gou followed her inside, sat where instructed, took the glass of water she handed him. She was looking at him like she’d looked at him when he was a kid and he’d tried to go outside and play when he was really too sick to do anything. There had to be a way for him to salvage this. 

Kiriko seemed like she didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t either. He’d been prepared to say a lot of things -- all of them performatively melodramatic, all of them vague, all of them (perhaps) slightly irritating. But the bit wouldn’t land now, and he hadn’t felt like he could breathe properly since. . . since he realized. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, finally. “Are you hurt?” 

“No,” he said. 

“Is. . . is Chase --”

“Chase is fine,” he said. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.” 

He winced. He couldn’t say things like that anymore; how had he thought he could say things like that? 

Kiriko sat down next to him on the couch. “I know. You’re. . . doing a good job. With him.” 

Gou laughed but he could tell it came out wrong. He buried his face in his hands and laughed again. “Nee-chan, I think I really fucked up this time.” 

Kiriko sounded distressed. “Gou, I’m sure you haven’t.” 

She meant to be helpful, but the only way she could possibly think that was if she didn’t understand exactly what was happening. Which was reassuring, in a way -- it meant that he wasn’t broadcasting absolutely everything he was feeling -- but it meant that anything she said to him now she said unaware of the full terrible reality of the situation. 

“No, I think I’ve really done it this time,” he said. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

“Is it about Chase?” asked Kiriko.

“Not everything I do or think about is about him, you know,” said Gou. “I’m not that--” What? Pathetic? Preoccupied? Fixated? He was all of those things. “It’s not always. . .” 

“But this time?” prompted Kiriko. 

He kept wanting to scream. He felt so ashamed and had nothing to do with that energy. “Yeah,” he said. “But this time.” 

“Okay,” said Kiriko. “I’m sure that. . . whatever it is, you can work it out?” 

“Not this time,” said Gou. 

“_Gou_,” said Kiriko.

“No. It’s fine, Nee-chan, I’ll -- I’m going to figure it out. And then it’ll be fine. I don’t know why I came over here, I don’t know what I wanted.” 

What would she think of him if she knew? There’d already been moments, when things had seemed hopeless in his search for information about how to bring Chase back, where she’d as good as accused him of being selfish for trying so hard. She regretted some of the things that she’d said in their arguments, and he regretted some of the things he’d said and done as well. But if she knew that he’d felt _ that way _ about Chase this entire time. . . she might call all of his actions into question. And once Kiriko started asking him questions about whether or not he’d brought Chase back for the right reasons, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from asking those same questions, over and over, forever. 

“I wish you would just tell us what’s going on with you sometimes,” said Kiriko. 

There was that _ us_, her and Shinnosuke, their own family now. “I can’t.” 

“I wish you would. And it frustrates the hell out of me, because it’s confusing and I never know if I’m going to wake up one day and find out that you’ve run off halfway across the globe or. . . or something else.” She sighed. “You’re really upset this time, huh?” 

He shrugged and pulled his feet up onto the couch. “I’ll get over it.”

“If it’s something about Chase, please just talk to him? I’m sure you can fix it.” 

He wanted to brush that off as well but he couldn’t, because he’d had the mounting dizzying feeling that he would _ have _to talk to Chase, if only to explain his behavior. “What if I can’t fix it? What if I just break things even more?” 

“Then. . . I guess we’ll deal with that together, okay?” 

“You can’t help me here, Nee-chan,” he said.

She sighed. “I know. But _ please _Gou, don’t do anything --” 

“Stupid?” he asked. 

She put her head on his shoulder. “Don’t do anything that’ll end with you getting hurt.” 

“Too late for that,” he muttered. 

But Kiriko was right: he owed it to Chase to say something, to not let him become confused and frustrated by whatever it was that Gou did next. That would at least, perhaps, help mitigate the damage done to everyone else. 

* * *

Gou took his time getting back to the apartment, meandering as much as possible, the whole time rehearsing exactly what it was that he would say to Chase. Logically, he knew how this scenario would go: he would tell Chase how he felt, that he was still Chase’s friend, that Chase might want to go stay with Kiriko and Shinnosuke for a little while. He’d tell Chase that he was sorry, and Chase wouldn’t understand why. But realistically he knew Chase wouldn’t likely be _ angry _at him or hate him, would maybe find the news startling, might ask him probing and embarrassing questions. In a few weeks, after Gou mastered the ability to look in Chase’s direction without suffering a meltdown, they’d even be able to go back to how they were, mostly. 

Walking into the apartment knocked all that out of him. Chase sat where he usually did, reading another book -- he’d moved on from rocks to mine inspection. He looked up when Gou walked in, and nodded in greeting. Gou, of course, couldn’t say anything in response. How come Gou never got sick of looking at Chase in his extremely stupid clothes? What if Chase _ did _ hate him? No, he wouldn’t -- Chase was a nice guy. What if Chase never talked to him again? No, that also didn’t make sense. But still -- Chase would leave in some capacity, and in some capacity he’d never come back all the way. Shijima Gou thought he must be the most stupid man in the world; his friend leaving for a few weeks and then coming back wasn’t the same as his friend _ dying _, but in that moment it felt the same. 

He poured himself something to drink, just to get a moment to pull himself together. Maybe he should put this off until he’d thought more about it? But he thought about how he’d felt the other night, saying goodnight to Chase -- thought about having to do that again tonight, and it nearly killed him. If Chase continued to stand in Gou’s doorway every night, that should be a choice he made knowing that Gou was a monster, or as good as one. 

When Gou sat down at the table Chase stood up from his chair and came into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water and took the seat across from Gou because Chase was a social drinker and Gou’s life was wretched. Chase was using the stupid curly straw Gou had bought as a joke for him last week. 

Gou stared at Chase. Chase stared at Gou. Gou felt like he was going to throw up. He just had to start talking and get it over with. He kept rehearsing what he was going to say, or trying to, but Chase kept staring at him. He felt like a car engine turning over and over. The unbearable anxiety of it all built up and up and up, until --

The chair made an awful screech as he stood. “Okay!” he said. “I’ve had enough!” 

Chase just looked at him. Gou tried to get the rest of the speech out with the same velocity, but it just didn’t work. He looked at the floor; that was probably the best place to look at the moment. If he just pretended like Chase wasn’t really here, maybe it’d be easier to say what he needed to say. “Chase, I. . . I know that what I’m about to tell you will probably change some things, but I feel like it’s something that you deserve to know. I --” he couldn’t do it yet. He had to. He couldn’t do it yet. He _ had _to. “I’m in love with you. And that doesn’t mean I’m not your friend anymore, or that -- that anything has to change that you don’t want to change. But I am going to need some time to adjust to that fact, and I might implode just a little bit. So you might want to go stay with Kiriko and Shinnosuke for a while, I’m sure they’ll put you up. You -- I’m not kicking you out, and you didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re welcome to stay if you want to, but you might not want to. So, now you know, I guess.” 

It was a dreadful thing. He kept pausing in the middle of sentences, taking deep breaths that didn’t seem to convey any air into his lungs, losing his resolve -- it was the longest few minutes of his life. He chanced a look at Chase at the end of it all.

Chase stopped drinking and took the straw out of his mouth. “What?” 

“_What _ what? I thought I was pretty clear!” 

“Why would you require space during this time?” 

Gou tried to keep his anguished scream to an anguished huff. He’d known Chase would have questions, but that didn’t make it any easier to answer them. Navigating the minefield of editing the way he felt about his own emotions down into a sentence that wouldn’t be bad was difficult in the best of circumstances. “Because. . . it’s a lot for me to deal with, emotionally --” 

“The fact that you are in love with me.” 

“_Yes_, that fact. And I am going to probably just, uh, need some time to sort through some stuff. Scream into a pillow. Readjust everything.” He let out a sound that was a distant cousin to a laugh. “I think I’m probably due for a minor mental breakdown. And then everything will be okay.”

Chase was quiet. Maybe Gou had been wrong, maybe he _ was _ mad at him? No, Chase wouldn’t be -- it just wasn’t in him. “I don’t see why the idea of being in love with me would cause you so much distress in this instance.”

This time Gou did scream in anguish. He felt he’d earned it. He hurled himself across the room, practically to the other end of the apartment -- though that wasn’t saying much. He had to get away from Chase, at least for a moment. He needed to pull out all his hair and then die. 

From what felt like a very great distance, he heard Chase say, “Oh.” There was the sound of another chair squeaking, and of movement -- but Gou had dedicated himself to looking at the floor again, and only the floor. 

“Gou,” said Chase.

Gou jumped, and looked up at him. He opened his mouth to say something, but no actual sound came out.

Chase put a hand on Gou’s shoulder. “Gou. I care about you as well.” 

“Huh?” asked Gou.

Chase’s hold on his shoulder tightened. “I was not sure at first what I was feeling, because I was only familiar with wanting to protect someone. It felt strange to want someone to protect me as well. But when you said that you desired to do so, it. . . made me think.” 

“Oh,” said Gou. 

“I still did not know what it was that I wanted for some time. But I was told that if two people are both interested, then it is possible for them to work the rest out together.” 

He felt like he was back at the river all over again; that first moment when he looked up and saw Chase really seeing him. He was being held up more by Chase’s hand on his shoulder than by anything else at this point, and then Chase put his other hand on Gou’s face and it started to sink in that Chase really might mean what it sounded like he meant, that he was acting with intent. The magnitude of the thought was too large to get his head around. This wasn’t in the plan. 

Chase was still staring at him, and he had to do something before he lost his chance; so he did the only thing that made any kind of sense at all and kissed him. His hands were shaking but he used them to grab ahold of Chase’s sides. 

After a moment Chase pulled away. “Gou?” he asked. “Are you alright?” 

It took him a little while to respond. “I don’t know,” he said slowly. “It’s been a wild day. But I think. . . I’m getting better.” 

Chase took his hand away from Gou’s face to make an extremely tentative, inquisitive thumbs up. Gou laughed and nodded. He wished he could give a thumbs up in return but he felt physically incapable of letting go of Chase long enough to do that with even one hand. He settled for hugging him instead, resting his head on Chase’s shoulder. Chase put a hand on Gou’s head gently, which was just too fucking much by half. Gou laughed again. “You know, I didn’t plan for this,” he said, voice muffled by Chase’s jacket. “I planned for a lot of things, but I didn’t plan for. . . this.” 

“Why not? Is it because you thought I was not capable of returning your affections?” 

Gou bumped his head against Chase’s shoulder. “Yes, but not because I thought you were incapable of feeling like that about anybody.” 

“Then why?” asked Chase. 

His hand was still in Gou’s hair. Gou worked on remembering how to breathe; he’d certainly engaged in the process at some point in his life and maybe someday soon he’d be able to again. “I mean, I thought there was something wrong with me.” 

Chase moved Gou’s head so that he could kiss him, almost alarmingly soft. Gou’d never lost his mind in such a pleasant way. “You do have a number of personal flaws.” 

Gou started laughing. “Aw, come on, give me a break!” 

Was it strange that he found that reassuring? To hear Chase say so plainly that he was flawed? In some ways, that had been what was comfortable about Reiko -- they’d seen each other at their worst. He supposed it was the same for them. 

He took a full step away from Chase, which was challenging; he deserved a medal. He turned his head so that Chase could not see how much he wanted this. “And you’re sure you’re cool with all this?” he asked. 

Chase, chronic hoverer, closed the distance between them, He put his hand on Gou’s face and gently turned his head so that they were looking at each other again and wasn’t _ that _ disorienting? The dissonance between what was happening and what he’d expected kept hitting him in waves. Any time he’d imagined this (and, okay, he _ had _ imagined it), he’d been a lot fucking smoother, that’s for sure. He put his hand over Chase’s. 

“Gou. It is important to avoid misunderstandings in relationships. Perhaps I was not clear enough before. I stay with you because it is important to me to have you nearby. I desire this sort of closeness with you, but I was not sure how to bridge the gap between us, and I was uncertain of how you felt. Now I realize we are in accord.” 

Gou wished so badly he could stop shaking. The quality of shaking was changing, from shocked to nervous to that elated indecipherable buzzing that happened when he finally did something perfectly, but it was making Chase look nervous. “Am I indicating my level of interest correctly?” asked Chase. “You are still exhibiting a number of signs of distress. Perhaps you should sit down.” 

Gou pushed Chase backwards, onto the couch -- he seemed to catch on halfway through, and pulled Gou down with him. “Yeah, you’re doing great,” said Gou.

“This is not what I meant by ‘you should sit down,’” said Chase. “But I suppose this is fine.” 

“Fine” was not the word Gou would have used to describe basically sitting in Chase’s lap. A fierce happiness was overtaking him, one he could barely comprehend. “Just ‘fine?’” he asked. 

Chase kissed him, one hand on his jaw. Chase had to stop touching his face; it made Gou feel too acutely. “You can put your hands other places too, you know.” said Gou. 

Chase didn’t say anything, obviously. But he tried to pull Gou closer to him, settled a hand on his leg, so message received. Gou worried for a second that he might be kissing Chase too deeply but Chase seemed uh, pretty into it. His hand kept going farther up his leg. 

He wanted to touch Chase’s skin; getting his hand under his jacket wasn’t easy considering the angle versus the inflexibility of the material, but he managed it anyway. When he did, Chase’s grip on his leg tightened. He was breathing heavily too. Gou almost started on a mental tangent about the mechanics of Roidmude breath but then Chase’s hands were on his hips, trying to tug him in closer, and he mostly stopped thinking at all. 

Fuck, it felt good to do this. Even the uncomfortable parts -- like the way his arm was now trapped stuck halfway up the back of Chase’s jacket -- felt good. Because his hand being stuck there meant he could skate his fingers along the part of Chase’s back he could reach and listen to the sounds Chase made when he did. Because he was actually here, and so was Chase.

If they kept going, they weren’t going to stop and -- and that’d be quite alright, but for his own sake he had to let the dust settle. He remembered very distantly -- _ very _ distantly -- that he had somewhere to be later, congratulated himself on remembering that anything outside of this one moment existed, cursed himself for giving himself the ammunition to ruin this moment. 

Shijima Gou was going to be an adult about this if it killed him, which it might. He tried to scoot back without actually getting up off of Chase, because he really didn’t want to get up off of Chase. “We gotta put the brakes on this for right now,” said Gou.

“I don’t know why we would stop,” said Chase. 

Chase pulled him close and kissed him again, which was a compelling argument to be sure. Chase was a smart man who made many valid points re: how very silly it would be to-- No. _ Shijima Gou was going to be an adult about this if it killed him and it certainly would_. “We’ve got that Special Investigations Unit dinner pretty soon. And if we did anything more I wouldn’t exactly want to do it at _ mach speed_.” 

“Ah. A joke,” said Chase.

Gou was a planner. He hadn’t planned for this, and besides, he needed a little time. Nothing felt real quite yet; it was as if his body had moved very far ahead of him and he was running to catch up. He’d get there, but it’d take a minute. 

He hopped back up off of Chase, miraculously not falling in the process. “Seriously, if I don’t go to dinner, Kiriko is going to think I’ve died and she will come looking for me. She will absolutely kick down the door at the worst possible moment, I promise. And then she’ll probably arrest me for, I dunno, making her upset or something.” 

Chase frowned. “That would not be preferable.” 

Gou sat down next to Chase on the couch, thought better of it, and stood back up. “Yeah, and then she’ll arrest you too, if she’s in a mood.” Which, if he was a no-show after the conversation they had earlier, she would be. 

“I do not wish to have an arrest record. Gou, this is why I do not want to become a police officer. What good would arresting either of us do?” 

“You’ve been hanging out with Heart too much.” He looked at the clock. “Oh, no, wow we have to go like, now actually.” 

* * *

Rolling up to a restaurant to hang out with the Special Investigations Unit after all that felt like the out of body experience to end all out of body experiences. A pretty nice one, though. How he was going to explain his change in mood to Kiriko he didn’t know -- hopefully, she just wouldn’t ask. 

Gou didn’t know whether or not to feel elated or frightened, so he settled with elated, at least for the moment. Everyone here was terrible at reading him. It’d be fine. Not that he didn’t _ want _ to have that conversation -- but it was too new. Literally honestly too new: how long had it been? An _ hour _ maybe? Two? His head was still spinning as he said hello to everyone. Looking at Chase made him feel giddy. And Chase kept looking at him too. 

The whole crew was there: Kyu, Rinna, Honganji, Otta, Hayase and even Kano too. Having dinner together was a fairly rare occasion, but one they tried to do on a semi-regular basis. Team building and all that. Gou didn’t know how much he could trust Hayase and Kano when it came to his plans re: Roidmudes and he didn’t know how he felt about having this sort of relationship with this many cops. But it was undoubtedly useful to have Hayase and Kano in his corner, and Gou was not above being utilitarian with his relationships. Besides, Hayase was friends with Shinnosuke, as was Kano. And well, Kano. . . 

He didn’t want to have to unpack all of the ways he’d reacted to Kano in the past at this moment. While Shinnosuke and Kiriko had been willing -- even overeager -- to make friends with him instantly, he’d always found Kano disorienting. There was always something subtly disturbing to Gou about Kano Koichi (the way he stood, or the way his voice was just wrong coming out of his mouth), even more so when he stood right next to Chase, as he did now. 

For his part, Kano seemed to be equally uncomfortable. “Ah, Chase,” he said. “How are you doing lately?” 

“I am doing very well, thank you,” said Chase.

Gou felt immensely thankful that no one else here could read Chase like he could. Very well, wow. Maybe Chase really _ did _ like him. 

He could worry about that more tomorrow. For the moment, Gou felt as if nothing could really touch him: not the way that Kiriko and Shinnosuke were whispering and pointing at him in the corner, not Otta’s awkward inquiries into his personal life, not Honganji’s inability to realize that no, no one was going to help him be a Kamen Rider anymore. 

They sat next to each other at dinner, of course, but that was normal; it didn’t make anyone think anything was _ up _. At one point Chase put his hand on Gou’s knee and Gou looked around -- startled, for an instant -- but no one noticed. He held Chase’s hand. No one knew. It was. . . good. 


	9. An Interlude, Part II

Kiriko looked at Gou, looked at Chase, looked at her husband (who was looking at her). Shinnosuke gave her a thumbs up while shrugging as if to say -- _ are they good? _

They’d only been at the restaurant for a few minutes. Kiriko had been more than a little surprised to see that Gou had beaten them there, that Chase was there as well. She’d sat down immediately and started watching him and she had no intention of stopping any time soon.

She hadn’t told Shinnosuke about the conversation she and Gou had had earlier that day. Was it only earlier that day? It felt so long ago -- she’d agonized the whole afternoon about whether or not she should try to reach out to him again. She hated not knowing, not understanding, the slow and continual neverending realization that they’d both been so ignorant of how the other was really doing for so long. That was what had made her the most angry during the intervening time between Chase’s death and Chase’s revival, when she and Gou had fought: that Gou still wanted to put on an act for her. As if Kiriko needed Gou to protect her, when it’d always been the other way around. But she couldn’t protect him, not from grief or from himself. 

Yet here he was, alive and everything. She pulled on Shinnosuke’s arm so she could whisper in his ear. “Is he putting on an act?” 

Shinnosuke looked confused. “Huh?” 

She shook his shoulder. If ever she needed Shinnosuke to pay attention, it was now. She hated to admit it, but he could read Gou better than her. “Gou. Is Gou acting?” 

Shinnosuke considered Gou, looked back at Kiriko. “I. . . don’t think so?” 

“Keep watching,” she hissed, steering his head back in her brother’s direction. 

“Oh, is this a bad time?” asked Kano. 

He’d been about to sit down, but now stood with one hand on the chair across from Kiriko, uncertain. “No,” said Kiriko. “Why would this be a bad time? How are you doing? Take a seat!” 

Kano reluctantly took a seat. “You seem to be in the middle of. . . something.” 

“Just normal stuff going on over here,” said Shinnosuke. 

“Okay,” said Kano. 

They made small talk with Kano for a few minutes, though Kiriko was only half-listening at best. 

Gou was whispering something to Chase and pointing over at her and Shinnosuke. Chase looked their way; nodded in acknowledgement. Kiriko gave an awkward little half-wave. Was Chase smiling? _ Was that bad??? _

Everyone started sitting down for dinner -- Hayase took the seat next to Kano, and Gou and Chase sat down farther away from her and Shinnosuke than she would have expected -- he really was avoiding her. But he looked over at her and smiled a little, what did that mean? She frowned and he shrugged, still smiling.

He’d been so upset this morning, but at least she’d known that was earnest. How often had Gou pretended to be okay when he wasn’t? She couldn’t trust her own eyes. 

Shinnosuke scribbled something on a napkin and pushed it towards Kiriko. _ Does Chase look happy? _

_ Do you think I can tell? _wrote Kiriko back. _ I told you to watch Gou. _

He nodded towards both of them and made a face to indicate that, well, wasn’t watching Chase the same thing as watching Gou? It was a fair point.

“Are you two passing notes?” asked Hayase, reaching across the table for the napkin. “What about?” 

Kiriko crumpled the napkin in her hand. “Grocery list,” she said. 

“Seems like it must be a pretty interesting grocery list,” said Hayase teasingly. 

“It wasn’t,” said Kiriko. 

Hayase raised his eyebrows and he and Kano shared a look. 

Honganji was clearing his throat to make a speech, but Kiriko couldn’t bother to pay attention to it. Her and Shinnosuke’s covert investigation grew less and less covert by the second -- Gou now pointed towards them and made faces at Chase, rolling his eyes. He hadn’t talked to Kiriko yet though -- did that mean something was still wrong? 

Hayase started talking to Kano about some baseball game that they’d both watched. Kyu was animatedly attempting to explain something to Chase (probably, if his enthusiasm was any indicator, about Murmur Mansion), Otta and Honganji and Gou were all listening to Rinna’s exaggerated retelling of some date she’d been on (Kiriko couldn’t quite hear the details from her side of the table). Gou’s expression never slipped for even a second. 

“Hey, where’s Heart?” asked Otta rather loudly. “He’s basically a member of the team too, y’know.” 

Gou grimaced in the goofy way he did when he was trying to make her laugh. “Hey, Nee-chan, do you have him babysitting already? You didn’t leave Eiji alone with Chase for way longer.”

Well, it was easier to get ahold of Heart, wasn’t it? And the human he’d copied had had younger siblings; something seemed to have carried over. “It’s been the same amount of time. And don’t look at me, look at Shinnosuke.” 

“Don’t worry, Gou, Chase is still Eiji’s favorite,” said Shinnosuke. 

“Hey!” said Gou. “I don’t get to be the favorite?” 

“Tomari Eiji does prefer my company,” said Chase. 

“Oh, right, Heart does still live with you guys, doesn’t he?” asked Otta. 

There were some furtive gestures from Rinna at Kyu when Otta said that. Kiriko thought she might be trying to get him to pre-emptively kick Otta in the shins. 

“Yeah,” said Shinnosuke. “That’s the plan for right now.” 

“Funny how things work out,” said Otta. “You two and Heart, and Chase, you’re still staying with Gou?” 

Kiriko put a hand on her face, anticipating the upcoming headache that was most likely to result from whatever came out of Otta’s mouth. Half the table looked straight at Kyu, who sighed. A second later Otta flinched. “Hey! Oh, uh, I mean. . . which is great, that you do that! It’s wonderful when friends can support each other.” 

Kiriko looked at Shinnosuke, who still looked equally as quizzical. She wished she hadn’t scrunched up the napkin so she could actually ask Shinnosuke a complete question instead of just indicating the general shape of a question through gesture. 

Gou was smiling like he smiled when he was about to aggravate Shinnosuke, which, to the best of Kiriko’s knowledge, meant there was a genuine warmth and sincerity behind it. “Aw, Otta. Of course Chase is still staying with me.” He put an arm around the back of Chase’s chair. “Look at this guy! Why wouldn’t I want him to?” 

“I am an exemplary roommate,” said Chase. 

“There was that time you drank the last of the coffee,” said Gou, leaning a little closer to Chase. 

“That was not intentional,” said Chase. 

“You know, I haven’t met that Heart fellow yet,” said Kano. 

Gou’s smile slipped momentarily into his thousand-yard stare. This was more reassuring than Kiriko wanted it to be. “Maybe you shouldn’t,” he said. 

Otta attempted to regain his conversational foothold. “Don’t listen to him, Kano! Heart’s a great guy. A real man’s man.” 

Gou sniggered and whispered something else to Chase as Otta continued to exposit on Heart’s many and varied virtues. Chase couldn’t be smiling, it was impossible, but there was _something_ about his expression that wasn’t quite as solemn as it usually was. 

“Chase looks like he did when he’d just got his driver’s license,” said Shinnosuke. 

Gou’d apparently lost interest in the Heart centric end of the conversation. Now he was talking to Rinna, laughing at something she said. He put a hand on Chase’s shoulder briefly -- not uncommon behavior for Gou -- but the quality of it felt different now. Less frantic. Chase looked at Gou’s hand with. . . affection? “Driver’s license,” she said. “I think you’re right.” 

Kiriko had to accept that maybe Gou wasn’t ready to talk to her yet. As much as she wanted him to confide in her, she couldn’t force that -- she had to let him come to her. 

“Maybe my dumb brother sorted it out,” she said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kano Koichi is a character we've very recently developed many thoughts/feelings/opinions about but alas, that is outside the scope of this fanfiction.


	10. Chapter 10

Chase spent the evening in a strange anticipatory mood he was not quite accustomed to; less patient with the company of his other friends, ready to return home as quickly as possible. Gou seemed more at ease: when they arrived back at the apartment, Gou started walking away from him, which necessitated Chase taking ahold of his arm and pulling Gou back towards himself. Their faces were very close; Gou looked sweetly surprised when Chase kissed him. 

“Hey,” said Gou. He slid his hand into Chase’s. “I am. . . I would love nothing more than to keep doing this for a while, but I should go to sleep.” 

“But it is not the time you usually go to bed,” said Chase. 

Chase kissed him again, very lightly, but Gou started to yawn. “Yeah, but it’s been a busy day. I’m absolutely exhausted, and this is. . . kind of a big deal for me.” Gou looked embarrassed. “And maybe for you too? So we should sleep on it.” 

“It is a big deal for me but I cannot ‘sleep on it,’ as I do not sleep,” said Chase. 

It was interesting, the way Gou did not just hold his hand but instead fidgeted with it, curled and uncurled his fingers, swung their hands back and forth. Gou smiled at him but yawned again. “C’mon, you know what I mean, I’m _ tired _.” 

“I understand,” said Chase. 

Gou grinned. “Aw, don’t look so disappointed.” He disentangled their hands, and wandered towards his bedroom door. “I’m gonna get ready for bed. Night!” 

Chase let Gou walk away. He truly did understand that Gou had human needs, as regrettable as that might be at the moment. He also understood that Gou truly had been through much today -- Chase knew Gou, knew what he looked like when he was despondent beyond repair. He wished he could convey better his care for Gou, his appreciation, the way he also felt as if he was reeling; certain of what he wanted, but reeling nonetheless. Every second spent in the empty living room seemed like wasted time, because he could not see Gou. 

Chase stopped in the doorway and waited. Gou was getting into bed. “What are you doing?” asked Gou. 

He wanted to be closer to him, but did not quite know how to get there. The door was where he stood. “You indicated that you are going to sleep,” said Chase.

Gou smiled. “Yeah, what of it?” 

Chase shrugged minutely. “I do not want to intrude,” he said. 

Gou rested his chin on his hand. “Do you wanna. . . come in?” 

“I wasn’t sure if it was allowed,” said Chase. “Given your statement that I was to ‘sleep on it.’” 

“Well, you can sleep on it in here,” said Gou. “Also, just for the record, you could’ve come in here before and I don’t think I would have complained.” 

Chase did not believe that that statement was actually true. Gou would have found the experience distractingly perturbing, Chase was certain. He stepped out of the doorway and into Gou’s room, still unsure. Little in life had prepared him for a quiet sort of intimacy. 

Gou pulled the blankets back and patted the bed next to him. “C’mon, hop in,” he said.

Chase sat on the edge of the bed, which made Gou laugh. He was quick to laughter today, so Chase did not take too much offense. “What?” asked Chase. 

“It’s funny to see you sitting there, I’m tired, leave me alone,” said Gou. “Don’t just sit there, though, lie down, I wanna go to sleep.” 

He did. Usually when he was “lying down” he was injured or had been rendered into a state of unconsciousness due to injury, so this was nice. As was Gou’s arm around him, Gou’s presence next to him. The stillness of it, how that was still thrilling in its own right. 

Gou’s head was on his shoulder. “We gotta get you some pajamas if we’re going to keep doing this,” said Gou.

“Ah,” said Chase. “I did not think about that.” 

“It’s okay,” said Gou. He already seemed to be falling asleep. “It’s very you. They’re very you, the clothes.” 

They lay in silence for another minute. “Okay no, you do have to change the jacket actually,” said Gou. “It’s like you’re wearing fifty wallet chains.” 

“I could simply remove it.” 

Gou got out of the bed. “Uh uh, can’t, I know you don’t wear anything under that thing.” He started digging through one of his drawers and tossed Chase a shirt. “Put that on instead.” 

Gou turned his back while Chase put on the shirt, which Chase thought was rather absurd. When he turned back around he seemed disoriented for a second. 

“Gou. I am still myself, even if I am not wearing the same clothing,” said Chase. 

“It’s been a long couple years,” said Gou, more a mumble than anything else. “You’d be surprised.” 

“Come back to the bed.” 

“You can’t say stuff like that while I’m too sleepy,” said Gou. He clambered back into bed and huddled up close to Chase. “This is not how I thought my day was gonna end. You’re comfortable?” 

Gou had one arm thrown over him. Every time Gou breathed he could feel it, and the weight and sound of him was inexplicably soothing. “Yes,” he said.

“That’s good, because I don’t know if I can move,” muttered Gou. “You can get up if you get bored, but stay a little while, okay? We should talk about all this tomorrow. Night.” 

“Goodnight, Gou,” said Chase.

He didn’t get back up. 

* * *

Gou was having a great morning -- he was eating cereal with milk and everything, like a real adult. The sun was shining, the sound of other people’s morning commute outside was singing, and Chase was here! Staring at him. 

“You said we should talk about this tomorrow. It is tomorrow,” said Chase.

“Right,” said Gou. Right. He could do this, he was responsible and competent and had talked about his emotions for full minutes at a time. He took another bite of cereal. “I guess. . . what do you want out of all of this?” 

“All of this?” asked Chase. 

“You know,” said Gou. “You and me. Like, I can make some _ inferences _based on past behavior, but. . .”

“I would like to pursue a romantic and physically intimate relationship with you,” said Chase.

Gou choked on his cereal. The majority of his brain packed its bags in resignation and left. What was he supposed to do with _ that_? Gou’d spent so long imagining total rejection that he struggled to think his way through the things Chase kept saying. They all sounded impossible. “Uh, okay then! That’s. . . definitely a good place to start.” 

“As I said yesterday, if two people are both interested, then it is possible for them to work the rest out together. All that remains is to ascertain what you believe you are looking for, and we can come to some sort of conclusion.” 

“Wait, hold on a second,” said Gou, pointing his spoon at Chase. “Yesterday you said that you’d been _ told _ that two people could talk shit out -- who told you that?” 

Chase hesitated for a moment before saying: “Shinnosuke.” 

Gou took an indignant bite of cereal. “You talked to Shinnosuke about _ this_?” he asked. Took another bite. “About. . . about _ us_?” 

Chase looked almost miffed. “I did not mention your name. I knew that you would not appreciate that.” 

“He definitely knows,” said Gou. He put his head on the table and groaned. At least he’d heard about it from Chase, he supposed. He laughed. Yeah, he supposed that was probably always about how that was going to go. “Well! That’s that, then. I guess they know we’re a thing.” 

“And what kind of ‘thing’ are we?” 

Chase was staring at him so very intently. Looking at Chase made him happier than he knew how to deal with. He was glad there was a table between them, at least for the moment. “Well, like you said. . .”

“Yes?” said Chase.

The problem was that Chase was a guy who made you say what you meant. Gou couldn’t get away with grandiose proclamations and vague generalizations, like -- God, what was it he’d said to Reiko? _ If you ever lose something again, I’ll help you find it_? Something like that. “I would also like to pursue a romantic relationship with you. How’s that?” 

“Excellent. Now that we have had a conversation, we should continue the activities we were engaged in yesterday before we were interrupted by your need to go to that dinner.”

Gou gave up on eating. Why was he always eating or drinking during significant emotional conversations? “Woah, woah, hold on there, slow down.” 

He got up and put the bowl in the sink before he could like, accidentally throw it in Chase’s face. 

“Do you not wish to engage in such activities at this time?” asked Chase. 

See, right there -- the bowl would have gone rogue. “You can’t just ask a guy something like that!” said Gou. Chase just sat there as if to say _ well, I did already_. Which, he had already. “Yes, obviously I want to do that! But--” 

“If your hesitancy is due to a perceived lack of knowledge on my part, I can assure you that is not the case. I had the facts of sex explained to me long ago.” 

Gou was standing still, but he tripped anyway. “Good to know!” said Gou.

Chase twisted in his chair to look at him. “Are you experiencing distress?” 

Gou’s life was so radically different than it had been twenty-four hours ago; a reversal of fortune so extreme as to almost correct his prior reversal of fortune (what felt like) all those years ago in America. For the first time in oh, maybe ever, everything was coming up Gou. “I think I’m gonna make it,” he said. A thought occurred to him. “Hey, you know what, you have to let me take you out on a date first.” 

“That seems unnecessary,” said Chase. 

Gou crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. “It’s the done thing, Chase. Don’t you wanna do the done thing?” 

“That is not my top priority at this moment, no,” said Chase.

“Well it’s mine, so! Date it is. Hey, you haven’t been to an amusement part yet, have you?” 

* * *

Gou felt proud of himself for successfully ending their conversation in something other than. . . well, _ that_. Not that that wouldn’t have been pretty great, but he really did want to do things right. Waiting a few more hours was nothing compared to thinking that he’d never get a chance to be close to Chase at all. And it was kinda funny. 

Besides, it was stabilizing to re-establish how they’d been before Gou'd entirely lost his mind. He could walk close to Chase or grab his shoulder unnecessarily; he could stare at Chase for too long and not feel -- for once -- crushing guilt. He could notice for the first time that Chase moved close to him too, without prompting. 

They went on a roller coaster. Chase didn’t smile, but Gou didn’t expect him to. 

“Y’know, I had a dream like this before,” said Gou. “Where we were on a date at an amusement park. Except afterwards, I kept trying to tell myself it wasn’t a _ real _ date.” He laughed and let himself bump into Chase. “I guess I didn’t want to think about the larger implications that came with that sort of desire. I convinced myself that I had that dream because I wanted to take you to see things, experience human experiences. But before. . . you know, before I knew, I still didn’t feel comfortable taking you to a place like this in real life because then it’d be too much like that dream. If you were really here with me, then that would mean the way I’d felt then was real too.” 

“I see,” said Chase. “So we are here in order to fulfill a symbolic resolution of your internal conflict, when we instead could be pursuing other matters.” 

Gou knocked his foot against Chase’s. “Aw, come on, you’re enjoying it a _ little _ bit.” 

“I enjoy your company,” said Chase. 

At some point symbolically resolving an internal conflict got a little tiresome. He’d wanted to tease Chase -- just a little -- and he genuinely had wanted to. . . show some sort of consideration to him. Treat him right. Take him on a date, like he’d wanted to for years. But he was only human.

“You’re right, we should get the hell out of here,” said Gou. 

Chase nodded, as if to say _ I am glad you have finally seen reason, Gou, you stupid idiot. _

“But did you have a good time?” asked Gou.

“I thought it was interesting,” said Chase. “But I don’t want to say anything that will make you think we should stay here longer.” 

“Aw, don’t be so impatient, Chase,” said Gou.

* * *

The journey home seemed to take an interminable amount of time. Chase was not prone to impatience, but he did not understand why Gou persisted in delaying a return to an activity they had both found enjoyable. He seemed to think, in part, that it was “cute” or “funny” or a number of other descriptive words it wasn’t; Chase had forgotten the joy Gou took in friendly antagonism. 

Nevertheless, they made it back eventually. 

Chase was about to ask if Gou felt he had sufficiently “wined and dined” him when he caught sight of Gou’s face -- quietly serious in a way it wasn’t usually. “We really don't have to -- I mean, I don’t want to make you feel like. . .” His voice trailed off and he shrugged. 

Chase could not understand why he was doing this. Or, he could, but it was extremely stupid. He wished he could speak with greater clarity. “Do you recall how you react when you feel I am being unnecessarily self-sacrificial?” 

Gou frowned, confused. “Yeah?” 

“That is how I feel at this moment.” Maybe touch would help convey the sentiment more quickly. He put his hand on Gou’s face, as he had yesterday. That had helped him grasp what Chase had been saying; maybe the same would be true now. “I don’t understand your reluctance.” 

Gou’s eyes closed when Chase touched him. “Can’t a guy try and be polite?” 

“I wish you would stop,” said Chase. 

Gou grabbed ahold of Chase’s jacket. Chase let the force and intensity of Gou’s kiss push him against the wall; he wanted to follow where Gou led and from Gou’s favorable response it seemed that he wanted that as well. Chase leaned up against the wall and Gou leaned up against him; he put his hand on the back of Gou’s neck and pulled him closer. 

Chase liked Gou’s attention on him like this; the sounds he made, the way he moved every time Chase did, how his hands never quite settled in one place. He began to catalogue in earnest what Gou reacted positively to: his hand on his neck, his hand in his hair, Chase’s attempt to extract Gou from his jacket, whenever Chase let himself be moved. 

Gou still seemed unsteady, though, and Chase did his best to steady him. He took one of Gou’s shaky hands in his.

“What?” asked Gou.

“You’re nervous,” said Chase.

Gou scowled. “Of course I’m nervous! I don’t want to screw this up.” His free hand traveled up and down Chase’s back. “A guy only gets one chance to make a first impression.” 

“Gou, I think you need to. . .” Chase tried to come up with the right word. “Relax?” 

This made Gou laugh, which indicated that Chase had said the right thing. “_ You’re _ telling _ me _to relax?” 

“That is what I just said,” said Chase. 

Gou took a step away from Chase. “This is stupid,” said Gou. He was smiling a genuine smile, a rare sight on Shijima Gou. “Here I am, getting all worked up and we’re still wearing a really stupid amount of clothes and _ you’re _ telling _ me _ to _ relax_. Why don’t you stop worrying about me relaxing and _ you _ try and relax?” 

“That is not something that I do,” said Chase. He tugged again at Gou’s jacket, which he had not managed to successfully separate Gou from. “You could remove some of your clothing.” 

Gou made a pleasantly startled sound. He took his hand away from Chase’s before deciding better of it and taking his hand again. “You can’t just say things like that,” said Gou. “We should go into the bedroom.” 

It was good that the bedroom was not far away, and thus able to be reached without too much difficulty. Chase let Gou gently push him onto the bed. He tugged Gou on top of him -- he did not think there should be so much distance between them -- and once Gou recovered his balance, they ended up not unlike how they had been yesterday. 

“Don’t be so impatient, Chase!” said Gou.

“This is the second time you have said that today,” said Chase. “This seems a sensible amount of impatient to be.” 

Especially as Gou seemed equally impatient. He was straddling Chase, he was attempting to remove Chase’s clothing hastily -- was this not also impatient? 

“I hate this terrible jacket,” said Gou.

Chase did not see what was wrong with it. “Can you not find the zipper?” 

He slid a hand under Gou’s shirt as Gou continued to fumble. “Harder to think if you’re touching me at all,” said Gou. 

“I can st--” 

“Don’t you dare,” said Gou. He managed to finally successfully navigate Chase’s jacket, but looked peeved. “Oh, _ now _ you’re wearing a shirt under this thing? Wait -- is that my shirt?” 

Chase had not taken off the shirt Gou had given him last night, had simply put his jacket on over it instead. “I saw no reason to remove it immediately,” said Chase. 

“You are infuriating,” said Gou, pulling at Chase’s shirt. 

Chase was glad Gou found engaging in a minor comedy routine -- here said routine being re: the state of Chase’s garments -- a calming practice. “Yesterday you wanted me to wear it.” 

“Shut up,” said Gou, but he was smiling. 

Gou removed Chase’s shirt, and Chase began cataloging in earnest what he himself reacted positively to: Gou’s hands on his skin, Gou’s mouth on his neck, the incredibly agreeable way their bodies were aligned. Chase had entirely exhausted his vocabulary for pleasant situations long ago. Nothing he had was sufficient in this moment. 

He tried to match Gou’s actions, and at one point attempted to roll them both over as to reverse how they were oriented, but Gou seemed reluctant to let him. “Stop thinking so much about me,” said Gou.

“What else would I be thinking about?” asked Chase. 

He ran a hand through Chase’s hair. “Good point,” said Gou. 

“Is it not equitable for us to change positions occasionally?” he asked, though he did not much care to move. 

“We can switch if you want, but this time --” Gou tucked a piece of Chase’s hair behind his ear. He considered him for a long moment. “Hey, let me take care of you,” he said, hand on Chase’s cheek. 

Chase felt shot through with a vulnerability he had not expected in that moment. He heard more than felt the sharp intake of his own breath. Gou watched him so earnestly, with such attentiveness. To think that was what he desired -- “Oh. Okay.” 

Gou appeared puzzled for a second as he stared at Chase, and then something about how Chase looked must have clarified the matter for him. He looked as if he was trying to rein his smile in with little success. He kissed Chase -- though not for as long as Chase would have liked -- and said, very close to his ear, “You’ll let me take care of you?” As if it was a sentiment that needed to be repeated; as if Chase had not heard him the first time at all. Gou’s breath was warm on his neck. 

“Gou --” 

Afterwards, they lay very close to each other. Chase regarded Gou, who was still, improbably, wearing most of his clothes. “I thought characteristically one removed all of their clothing before the completion of sex.” 

Gou laughed. “It kind of happened faster than I thought it would. We’ll try for that next time, how about?” 

“And when would that be?” 

Gou looked at his wrist as if he was looking at a watch. “Uh. . . not long.” 

“That is good to hear,” said Chase. “I did not get to touch you as much as I would have liked to, and I would appreciate the chance to remedy the situation.” 

Gou covered his face for a second with a pillow before throwing it off the bed. “You’re a lot, you know that? Don’t worry, we did your whole thing this time, next is my whole thing.” 

Chase thought that much of what had just transpired was as much for Gou’s benefit as for his, but he did not think pointing that out was likely to get him anywhere. Besides, he had no complaints. “And what would your ‘whole thing’ be?” he asked.

Gou rolled onto his side to look at him. “You remember that time by the river?” 

* * *

Gou threw open the door of the Drive Pit and cartwheeled in, decided that while he was at it he might as well walk around on his hands. “Good morning everyone!” 

“Wait to say that until you hear what’s up with Brain’s body _ today _,” said Kyu. “It looks like coating it with antitoxins makes it incompatible with the core.” 

Gou jumped to his feet. “We’ll figure it out, I’m sure. Can’t be that hard, compared to all the insurmountable odds we’ve overcome on our journey so far!” 

Kyu looked aghast, Otta distressed, Rinna skeptical. He smiled at all three of them. “Did you try to test to see if it made the body incompatible with all cores in general, or just Brain’s in particular?” 

“Not. . . not yet,” said Kyu. “We can do that I guess?” 

“Sounds great!” said Gou. 

Rinna pulled Gou aside. “What’s up with _ you _ today?” she asked. 

Gou knew he was a talented actor, knew he should perhaps be utilizing those skills more now. It wouldn’t do to have everyone he saw for the next several years ask him why he was so happy, and that was about as long as this feeling was going to last.

At the same time, who else wouldn’t be walking on air at this point? And how long did he really even want to hide it? 

Gou glanced over to where Otta was attempting to help Kyu, “attempting” being the operative word. “I’ll tell you later,” he said. 

He went to stop Otta from accidentally poisoning himself (and Kyu in the process). He’d never had such a nice time thinking about Brain; running the tests was almost relaxing. Who cared, they’d work it out. 

They all spent what to Gou felt like a very pleasant hour or so wrestling with contradictory and perhaps not extremely encouraging test results, tinkering with various ideas, bouncing increasingly inane and impractical ideas against each other. 

“You’re all my very good friends. . . “ said Gou, putting one arm around Kyu’s shoulders and one arm around Rinna’s. “And you’re here too, Otta.” He waited until the dig landed visibly on Otta’s face before he added, “Just messing with you man.” 

Kyu looked nervously on as Gou did another handspring. “Hey, Gou. . . so. . . after Brain and Medic. . . like, as long as you’re bringing other Roidmudes back. . . do you think. . .” 

Gou felt as if perhaps Kyu was opportunistically taking advantage of his good mood, but he found that he didn’t particularly mind. “Yeah buddy, we can bring 072 back next. Honestly, I should’ve asked you more about it before.” He stopped in his tracks. “Wait. Who said anything about bringing other Roidmudes back?” 

Now Kyu just looked flat out panicked. 

“I mean, we can still bring 072 back!” said Gou. “But seriously, who said anything about any others.”

“I guess. . . we just all. . . assumed?” said Kyu. He looked at Otta and Rinna as if for support. 

“It’s true,” said Otta. “It’s just sorta how things seem to be going.” 

Gou paced. “It was Heart, wasn’t it?” said Gou. 

“No, you sort of imply it a lot, Gou,” said Rinna. 

It was definitely Heart. Had to be Heart. No way Heart hadn’t been the one to implant this idea in their minds. “We’ll deal with that later,” said Gou. 

Kyu and Otta left eventually; Rinna hung back ostensibly to tweak a few schematics while everything was still fresh in her mind, but as soon as the door closed she launched herself towards him in her rolling chair.

“So?” Rinna asked, leaning in close. “So???”

Gou laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “Is it really that obvious?” 

“Gou, honey, the last time I saw you do that many backflips, you were trying to con your sister into thinking the Mach system wasn’t dangerous. Either you’re dying or something really good happened.” 

Gou scuffed his feet against the floor. “Well, you know Chase. . .” 

Rinna was clearly trying not to look too excited. “Uh _ huh_, we’ve met.” 

“He and I, you know. . .” Gou hadn’t thought ahead to how he would talk about this with anyone else. “We’re. . .” He couldn’t stop smiling. “We’re _ something_, alright.” 

Rinna laughed and hugged him. “I’m proud of you, Gou.” 

Gou put up a token resistance to the hug. “Hey, hey, don’t make it weird. It’s no big deal.” 

“Please,” she said. “Gou. We’re friends. I know you.” 

“Okay, so it’s a really big deal. But, keep it down okay? You’re the first person I’ve told.” 

She mimed zipping her lips. “They won’t hear anything from me. Are you going to tell Shinnosuke and Kiriko?” 

He wished he could have done it himself in the first place. “I think they might have derived the answer from context clues,” he said.

“But,” she prompted. 

“But yeah, I’m gonna tell them,” he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important Notes:  
1\. We name all scenes, and in the draft the first scene in this chapter is called "sleep jeans."  
2\. Otta is not my least favorite Drive character, but he's the funniest to be mean to. Sorry Otta.  
3\. Heart is the one who gave Chase the talk, obviously.  
4\. Sometimes in the show it appears as if Chase is wearing a shirt under the jacket, but we are choosing to prioritize what the Chase V-Cinema tells us above all else.


	11. Chapter 11

Gou agreed to have _ brunch_, of all things, with Kiriko and Shinnosuke in a few days. He spent an unaccountably disproportionate amount of time at brunches nowadays; this was either part of being an adult or part of being a Kamen Rider. He wasn’t sure which. He’d avoided having an extended conversation with either of them since the day of the dinner, and for the most part, they’d obligingly let him keep his distance. Besides, he’d been busy. 

But he was going to have to tell them, and it was going to have to be the next time he saw them -- right then and there -- or he’d lose his nerve. 

“I don’t understand why,” said Chase. “As you stated previously, they must have already concluded what the facts of the matter are.” 

“It’s important,” said Gou. “I just don’t know how to say it.” 

Gou practiced different variations of how he could put the news, all of them slightly off. He and Chase were dating? He and Chase had started seeing each other? Neither of those were quite right -- he wanted them to take him seriously; he wanted them to know that this wasn’t something temporary (hoped it wasn’t something temporary; it couldn’t be something temporary), or something he took lightly. 

“I could do it,” offered Chase. 

“No, please, I have to,” he said. 

When it came time to actually do so -- when Shinnosuke answered the door and let them in and he was standing there in the entryway to their house -- he started to think he should have taken Chase up on the offer. Not that he hadn’t given more difficult speeches, oh, in the last _ week_. But hadn’t he suffered enough? 

Shinnosuke and Kiriko greeted him like normal people, and he mostly just nodded. Chase didn’t say anything at all, of course, and Shinnosuke and Kiriko started to look a little more nervous. Confused. They were staring at him. 

So he stared at the floor -- it’d been a winning strategy last time. “Hey, so I guess I have some news,” he said. He had to rip off the bandaid. “Chase and I are. . . in a -- we’re, you know --” Kiriko and Shinnosuke kept staring at him. “We’re together.” 

Kiriko and Shinnosuke froze and looked at each other, as if they were having some sort of conversation via weird eye contact. All the alarm bells in Gou’s head started going off at once. “Uh, congratulations,” said Shinnosuke. 

“Yes, congratulations!” said Kiriko. “Oh, I’m so glad.” She was smiling, so that must be true. 

“Thank you,” said Chase. 

Kiriko looked at Shinnosuke again. She still looked happy -- Shinnosuke looked happy? -- but she looked panicked too. Why did she look panicked? 

“Hey Chase, come with me for a minute?” asked Kiriko. “I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Let’s talk, Gou,” said Shinnosuke. 

Chase looked at Gou as Kiriko dragged him away, appropriately confused. He made eye contact with Gou as if to say, _ should I let this happen? _

Gou shrugged. He guessed Kiriko and Shinnosuke both had to say their piece, and they might as well get Shinnosuke berating him out of the way. 

Because he _ was _ going to berate him, Gou felt increasingly certain of it. He’d been thinking about it all week. Gou had suspected that Shinnosuke’s disapproval -- or at the very least, concern -- would be fast following Gou acknowledging the presence of some sort of relationship between him and Chase, but Shinnosuke’s lack of trust still hurt. What other reason would Shinnosuke possibly have to pull him aside like this, at this exact moment? 

He squared his shoulders and launched into his opening gambit. Best to clear the air as quickly as possible. He’d never had to have this particular sort of fight with Shinnosuke -- only with Kiriko -- and he wasn’t particularly relishing the prospect. “C’mon, go ahead Shin-niisan, give it to me.” 

“Huh?” 

Gou wished he would just hurry up. “Go ahead, tell me how I’m gonna screw it up, just get it over with. Just tell me how much I don’t -- how I don’t know what I’m doing, or how I’m gonna hurt him, or whatever it is that you’re going to say so we can just get this over with already and I can go home.” 

“Wh-- no, no, no,” said Shinnosuke. “Hey, listen, Gou. You’re my brother, I love you. Kiriko just had dibs on giving the talk to whoever you dated.” He grimaced. “And honestly, I’m not sure who won in this situation.” 

He _ hated _ this. “Yeah, sure, whatever, I knew you two were going to have some sort of problem with this whole situation. You were always so lukewarm on what I was doing anyway, and I know I fuck up a whole lot and I sure as hell make a lot of idiotic rash decisions but that isn’t what this is. Chase really is really important to me--”

“Well, obviously,” said Shinnosuke, which didn’t help. 

“--_ And _ I know you might not _ think _ I’m capable of taking anything seriously and non-dramatically but I really want to try and make this work with him--” 

“No, Gou --” 

“And I know you can’t get what this is like, cause you know, you’re straight, but --” 

Shinnosuke raised a hand. “Woah, hit the brakes there. Gou, I’m bi? I thought you knew?”

Gou tried to reach for the next line of his monologue, but found his brain empty. “Huh?” 

Shinnosuke looked honestly confused.“Yeah, like. . . I thought you knew? Did you not know?” 

Gou was scrambling to rearrange a lot of different pieces in his head. Shinnosuke too? He wished he’d said something earlier. Or ever, really. “Shin-niisan, you didn’t _ tell me_.” 

“Well, I thought you knew! No, yeah, that’s. . . that’s not what this is about. And you know you’re not in trouble, right? And Chase is, uh, he’s really important to all of us -- I mean, obviously, he’s really important to you too, but I mean that was obvious before all of this. But I mean! Not obvious like _ that _ or anything --” 

Gou laughed. “It’s okay Shin-niisan, we both know I’m really weird about Chase.” 

Shinnosuke put his arm around Gou’s shoulder. “Yeah buddy, you’re really fucking weird about Chase. And I’ve seen, over the past few months, that you’re really weird about Chase in a way that’s good for you both? Kiriko and I saw what, uh, you know. . . Reiko. . .” 

Gou shrugged Shinnosuke’s arm off. “Yeah, yeah, I didn't do great with Reiko,” said Gou. “I_ love _talking about this with you for sure, Shin-niisan, but can you just get to the point?” 

Shinnosuke rubbed his forehead. “It’s not-- okay you didn’t do _ great _, maybe. . . but that’s not the point. The point is, uh, even if you screw up with Chase --” 

“_Thanks_, Shinnosuke.” 

“Hey, hey, let me finish! Even if you screw up with Chase, it won’t be from lack of trying. And I don’t think it’ll be irreparable, because. . . you really care. And you’re willing to put yourself out there for him. I’m proud of you.”

The relief made Gou feel like he’d had the rug pulled out from under him. Like a deflating balloon.

“I just didn’t want you to think less of me,” he said. “For any of it.” 

“No, I’m happy for you both. Thank you for telling us about. . . uh. . . you. But also, I feel like someone needs to be in Chase’s corner, so uh, you know. . . if you break his heart I’ll. . . get you,” he said, shaking his fist. 

Shinnosuke was such a loser sometimes. Gou hugged him. “Wow, Shin-niisan, that’s all you got?” he asked, laughing. 

“Yep. That’s all I got.” 

“That’s pathetic.” 

Shinnosuke took an awkward step back from Gou. “Did you really think I was straight? Like, me? Straight?” 

“You look so offended!” said Gou. It was all going to be okay. 

* * *

Chase sat across from Kiriko and waited for her to say whatever it was that she wanted to say. 

“Oh, this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be,” she said. “I’d always planned on threatening whoever dated Gou within an inch of their life; I had a whole setup. There was going to be dramatic lighting, Shinnosuke was going to be there standing menacingly in the background, it was great. But now. . .” 

“Is this because we are now engaged in a romantic relationship?” asked Chase.

“Well. . . yes,” said Kiriko. She sighed, shoulders slumping. “I’ll just have to improvise, I suppose.” 

Chase waited for her to continue. She seemed to struggle internally for a minute before putting her hand on Chase’s. 

“Chase. . . I love you very much, and I love my brother very much. I want the two of you to be happy, and if you can be happy together that would be great. But. . . do you remember when you and I talked for the first time after you returned?” 

“When Gou was unconscious,” said Chase.

“Yes, and I told you about how hard he worked to get you back. I really meant it -- it. . . hurt him pretty badly. I was scared for him sometimes, and sometimes I was very frustrated with him, and sometimes I did almost wish he would just give up.” She covered her mouth with her hands. “Not! Not that I didn’t want you back, of course I did --” 

“I understand,” he said. “You did not wish to see your brother come to harm, because you are a kind person.” 

Kiriko sighed again. “He was so happy when you came back, and that scared me too. Because I knew he was going to get his heart broken.” 

Chase nodded. Kiriko had suspected that Gou harboured romantic feelings for Chase for some time, just as Gou feared. He would not share this information with Gou, as it seemed as if it would be deleterious to his wellbeing. “But he did not.” 

Kiriko frowned. “No, he didn’t. But he still could. I mean, you know, if it doesn’t work out between you two -- and it doesn’t have to work out between you two!” 

“I have been told this already,” he said. 

“Just, if you _ do _ end up deciding this isn’t right for you, please be gentle? Gou can be. . . delicate, which is something that maybe took me a little too long to realize.” She twisted her wedding ring around her finger. “He always acted like such a goof when we were kids, and he was -- is -- so good at pretending everything’s fine if he really really wants you to believe he’s fine.” 

“Gou is an exemplary actor,” said Chase. “I know he often uses this skill to mask his true feelings and intentions.”

“Okay, as long as you understand,” said Kiriko. 

They sat in silence for a moment. Chase believed that the silence might be construed as an “uncomfortable” one. 

“Is this the part of the conversation where you threaten me with physical violence?” asked Chase.

Kiriko looked shocked. “No! Of course not. Chase, I’m not going to do that. I know you would. . . I know you want to keep Gou safe more than anything else. And I don’t want to threaten you. Anyone else, yes, absolutely. But you’re good together. You’re going to do just fine.” 

“Thank you, Kiriko,” said Chase. “I do not require your blessing in order to pursue a relationship with Gou, but I am glad to know that I am trusted.” 

“You’re uh, welcome,” said Kiriko. “I guess that’s. . . all I have? Do you have any questions, I guess?” 

Chase hesitated. He was someone who liked to carefully consider the source of his information: Kiriko had been in possession of unreliable information about Gou before, but she had also known him for longer than anyone else. And while he trusted Shinnosuke when it came to questions about people in general, he was certain Shinnosuke did not know how to engage in proper courtship rituals. He had heard the story of Shinnosuke’s proposal. He knew that was not how these matters were “done.” 

“Do you have any advice about how to best show Gou that I appreciate him?” 

Kiriko thought for a moment. “You know what would be nice? If you brought him flowers.” 

“Like you did for me when I was injured? Or like Shinnosuke did when you were in the hospital?” 

“Yes, like that. But flowers aren’t just for when people are sick, it’s to show that you appreciate someone and are thinking about them. It’s nice.” 

“I see,” said Chase. “Thank you, Kiriko. I will take this into consideration.” 

* * *

Gou had only just sat down to eat when the whole affair -- his reconciliation with his family, his resignation in the face of being known, his relief at the way the news was received -- was utterly ruined.

“Ah, fantastic,” said Heart. “Just in time for brunch.” 

Gou jumped when Heart came into the room. “_You _?” he asked. 

Everyone looked at Gou as if he were the strange one, which he was most decidedly not. Gou thought that it was highly reasonable of him to be startled when Heart swanned into a room, with his _ red leather _ and his _ hair_. 

“Me,” said Heart. “Wonderful to see you again, Gou.” 

“Heart,” said Chase. 

Heart smiled warmly. “Chase,” he said. 

“You can’t even eat food,” blurted Gou.

“No,” said Heart, sitting down at the place Gou realized Shinnosuke had set for him. The place _ next _ to Shinnosuke. “But I can enjoy the company.” 

Heart smiled _ again_, but this time at Shinnosuke. Shinnosuke coughed and smiled back. Gou felt himself staring, but how could he be expected to stop? He could not integrate this new knowledge into how he conceptualized the world; so much had happened in the past few days, he was so _ tired _. He almost slid out of his chair onto the floor, but Chase propped him up. 

Gou looked at Kiriko, searching for some sort of sensible reaction from the person he _ thought _ he could trust most in this world. Instead of seeming confused or alarmed, Kiriko just rolled her eyes. The worst possible response: the acknowledgement that something was _ happening _ there. 

Gou was never going to get used to this.

* * *

When they got back to the apartment, instead of coming inside Chase stood outside the door for a moment before turning and leaving. 

“Chase?!” called Gou.

“I’ll be back,” said Chase. 

Which led to a sort of tense thirty minutes. Gou tried not to assume the worst, failed, and almost fell over himself with relief when Chase came back in. With. . . flowers? 

“I bought you these,” said Chase. “Kiriko said that you give flowers to people you care about. I picked out these flowers because they reminded me of you.” 

“Because they’re red and white?” asked Gou. 

“Yes,” said Chase. “And because they are appealing to look at.” 

Gou was left a little dumbstruck as Chase went to put the flowers in water. He wasn’t sure how Chase kept knocking him for a loop like this, over and over. He hated that Chase could walk away so casually after saying something like “because they are appealing to look at.” He understood more and more why this was what Reiko had wanted, why his grand showy gestures had been nothing compared to walking in the park together. 

“I-- I like them,” said Gou. 

“That was their intended purpose,” said Chase. He finished fussing with the flowers. “How was your conversation with Shinnosuke?” 

“It went okay,” said Gou. “I think. I’m not really interested in talking about it right now.” 

“Is there something else you would rather discuss?” asked Chase. 

Gou shoved Chase towards the couch. “Not really into in discussing much of anything at the moment,” he said. 

Gou pulled Chase down on top of him, and they didn’t talk about anything much at all for quite some time. 

* * *

Chase enjoyed boxing with Heart: not for the activity itself, which he could take or leave, but because Heart found it fulfilling. This was how Heart “hung out” with him to “catch up:” first they would fight, and then they would sit together and discuss how they were doing. Of course, Heart already knew how Chase was doing.

“I’m just very happy for you, Chase,” said Heart. “Have I told you that?” 

“Yes, you have indicated that prior to now,” said Chase. “I am glad that you are happy about this relationship despite the fact that Gou is often openly hostile towards you.” 

“Does he really hate me that much?” asked Heart.

“No,” said Chase. He did not think it appropriate to elaborate. 

“That’s fine then,” said Heart. “The important thing is that he treats you well.” 

In some ways, rehashing how his and Gou’s relationship was going with everyone was exhausting in the way that divining the appropriate response to the question of “how he was doing” was exhausting. “I hope you are not now going to threaten him with physical violence out of misplaced concern for my health and well being,” said Chase.

“No, no,” said Heart. “You can take care of yourself.” He sighed. 

Chase understood. “Heart,” said Chase. “We will get Medic and Brain back. I am certain of it.” 

“You’re willing to dedicate yourself to that task, even knowing everything they’ve done?” asked Heart. “They were your bitter enemies; I must confess they never trusted you in the same way I did.” 

Chase was very aware. “Brain was brave when it mattered. And Medic saved Gou’s life.” 

“I miss them,” said Heart. 

Chase did not. But he cared about Heart; wished Heart was not experiencing such sorrow. 

“I just want us to all be together again, you know?” said Heart. “Like a family.” 

Chase did not think any response he could give was one that would be advisable, considering the fact that Heart was deeply saddened by the continued absence of Brain and Medic. While he was willing to overlook their various attempts to overwrite and control his personality and memories, he did not, at the end of the day, care for _ their _ personalities much. 

He supposed this did not mean they were not a family. He nodded, and Heart smiled and patted him on the back. Words were often less necessary to communicate with Heart. 

“How are matters between you and Shinnosuke?” asked Chase. It seemed polite to ask after Heart had asked about his relationship with Gou. 

Heart’s smile grew. “Chase, a gentleman never kisses and tells.” 

* * *

Gou had learned his lesson at least a little with Reiko -- he waited to bring anything up about him and Chase until their next scheduled meet up. He wanted to pretend that the reason he waited had nothing to do with being nervous about telling her and everything to do with wanting to respect the moment by telling her in person, but that would be a lie, and Gou was trying to lie to himself less. “Trying” being the operative word. 

They met at the same place, at the same time, at the same table. Gou felt that familiar feeling of unreality: the last few times (the last every time) he’d sat here with Reiko, everything had been so different. Reiko probably picked up fairly quickly that some change had occurred in Gou’s life, but he couldn’t _ start _ with that conversational topic: it felt rude, he wanted to hear how Reiko was doing, and he was a coward. So instead they talked about her for a while: therapy was going better, her job was alright, and she’d been on a few more dates with the same girl she’d mentioned before. 

“It’s going okay, I think,” said Reiko. Her smile felt private, like something Gou barely dared to look at. “I -- I told her about. . . everything that happened, and she appears to not be running away screaming. Actually, she --” Reiko shook her head. “Nevermind, that’s not really mine to tell. The point is, I think it might really work out.” 

Gou reached out and took her hand. Whatever he may or may not have felt for Reiko, he did love her. “I’m really happy for you.” 

“She’s kind of like me, but very different, you know?” she said. “Which I think is good. Because, you know, with us. . .” 

“Yeah,” said Gou. “I’d like to meet her sometime.” 

Reiko squeezed his hand before letting go. “Maybe sometime soon? It really _ is _ weird to bring your current romantic partner to meet your ex, you know.” 

Gou winced. That whole scene had only grown more uncomfortable in retrospect. This was the perfect segue, right? He couldn’t quite do it. Not yet. “That wasn’t what was actually happening there,” he said instead. 

“Yeah, but can you blame me?” she asked. “You talked about him a lot. I always wondered if he was part of the reason we didn’t work out. Besides all the other reasons.” 

“There were enough reasons to go around without that,” he said. He’d developed such a talent for casual avoidance of personal topics, joking evasion from sensitive conversations, total denial about anything about Chase, that moving away from that mode of speech was next to impossible. But he wanted so badly to tell someone about this without them prompting him to first. “Reiko, about that. . .” 

“Hmm?” she asked. 

She took a sip of her coffee, but Gou, no fool, waited until she had set the drink down to continue. 

“I guess this won’t surprise you that much, since -- well, because of all the stuff you just said. But Chase and I are --” He always stumbled here. “We’re together now.” 

Reiko took a minute to digest the news. “I was wondering why you seemed so upbeat,” said Reiko. “Either something had gone right, or you were definitely dying.” 

“Why does everyone say that?” he said, though he knew why. “Maybe I was happy to see you! You’re not. . . mad, are you?” 

“What, for being right about that being part of the reason we broke up? For being right about _ that _being what me meeting him was about?” 

“We really weren’t together then,” said Gou. “I honestly wanted him to meet you because you’re important to me. I’m sorry if this makes anything awkward.” 

“Gou, I’m not mad, you dumbass.” She was crying a little, wiping away tears with her sleeve. “I’m. . .” she took a second. “Relieved? Surprised. Maybe a little. . . bitter. Only because I sometimes still wish it would have worked out between the two of us, and because I got so hung up on how hung up you were on him, but you never said how you felt and I thought that maybe you were just not telling me something, or lying to me. But that wasn’t it, was it?” 

“No, I’m just an idiot,” said Gou. “You already knew that.” 

She laughed. “You’re a smart guy. You’re just. . . I’m trying to think of how to reframe this positively. It always takes you a little bit to catch up to how you actually feel? I’m glad you got there. I’m glad this all worked out for us, in the end.” 

“I’m glad you’re happy,” said Gou.

This time she took his hand. “I’m glad we’re both happy,” she said. “We worked hard for it. He does make you happy, right?” 

Gou wanted to make a joke, say something like _ Oh, Chase? He’s alright I guess. _ He wanted to play off the gravity of the situation, and he didn’t want Reiko to think that she never made him happy, or that she was somehow less in comparison to Chase. But Reiko deserved the truth, always. “He really does,” he said. 

“Okay,” she said. “Okay.” 

* * *

Gou kicked the platform Brain’s body rested on, but without any real feeling. “I just give up, Hypnos. I truly give up on the poisons.” 

“It does not seem as if any of the strategies you have attempted have been successful,” said Hypnos. 

Rinna tapped her chin thoughtfully. “You know, it may be for the best to let this go -- it’ll be fine, I’m sure!“

“I would rather not give up on the poisons,” said Kyu, his most sensible friend.

Gou shook his head. “No, we’re just spinning our wheels at this point. Whatever happens next, happens.”

“Perhaps I can help,” said Heart as he swept into the room.

It took Gou a second to process the image.“Wh-- what are you doing here?!” he asked.

Heart had the gall to look confused. “I was invited,” said Heart.

The ultimate betrayal. Gou spun to confront Chase. “Chase?!” 

Chase looked nonplussed, but what else was new? “I did not invite him,” said Chase. “It is good to see you, Heart.” 

Heart smiled the smile he always had for Chase. “It is good to see you as well!” 

“Rinna? Kyu?!” asked Gou, swinging an accusatory finger about. 

“Don’t look at me!” said Rinna. 

Kyu shook his head, alarmed. 

Gou hadn’t known that tablets could clear their throats. “I invited him, Gou,” said Hypnos. “He is a good friend. We have spoken at length about when would be an appropriate time for him to become engaged in this process.” 

“Is _ everyone _ friends with Heart besides me?” asked Gou. He leveled a number of accusatory gestures at Heart again. “How did you even pull that off?” 

Heart laughed, which Gou hated. “Oh, Gou. You’re funny.” 

“Is there anything you can _ actually _do to help?” asked Gou. 

“Nothing save for reason with Brain. He will listen to me, I’m sure.” 

“And lemme guess, same for Medic,” said Gou. 

“Yes, and. . . 072 after that, correct? Though I understand he should cause you little trouble. And after that --” 

“_After that _?” screeched Gou. 

“_After that _, we’ll work on a long term strategy for the safe return of my other friends.” 

“If you think I’m going to bring them _ all _ back --” 

“Of course not,” said Heart. “Only most of them.” 

“What will Krim think?” asked Rinna, the only one who cared.

“Fuck that guy,” said Gou. “He fucked off to the middle of the earth or whatever, he lost his right to participate in this conversation. Can’t believe everyone’s assuming that I -- me, Shijima Gou -- that I’m going to be bringing back most of the Roidmudes.” 

“_We’ll _ be bringing back most of the Roidmudes,” said Heart. He laid a hand on Gou’s shoulder. “I’m looking forward to working with you, Gou.” 

* * *

Gou graciously waited all of an hour to kick Heart out of the Drive Pit, which he thought was very big of him. Rinna and Kyu left soon after, and Hypnos indicated that he was focusing his attention elsewhere. He never said “surf the web,” but it felt implied. He and Chase were alone.

Gou sighed. “I’m not doing this for Heart, you know,” he said.

“I know,” said Chase.

“And I’m not doing this for -- I’m not _ entirely _doing this for you.” 

“I know,” said Chase. “You are reviving the Roidmudes for yourself as well. But. . . thank you.” 

Everyone deserved a second chance, after all. Mostly everyone. Certainly no one more than Chase -- Gou understood that this was as much an opportunity for Chase as it was for him. Chase had less to feel guilty about -- he’d done the right thing, after all -- but still, Gou knew that Chase had to have some regrets. “You did what you had to do, back then.” 

“You are stating many facts that I am aware of,” said Chase. He went over to Gou and put a hand on his shoulder. “I want to believe that this is a risk worth taking, and I believe you want the same as well.” 

He did. He kissed Chase. “Hey, let’s go home,” said Gou.

Chase nodded. Gou turned off the lights in the Drive Pit and closed the door behind him. He didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please imagine, ten years from now, Krim emerging from his self-imposed exile to see if Humanity is now Worthy of his Core Driviar Technology, only to be met with the sight of Gou and Heart just chilling. "Gou, you brought a Roidmude back to life??" Krim might shout. Heart would laugh. "One Roidmude," Gou might say. "Yeah. . . yeah sure Krim, just one."
> 
> Hope you had fun reading this, it was a lot of fun to write, finally we are Free to watch Ex-Aid. Not to sound too early aughts Fanfiction.net over here, but if you liked this, please. . . leave a comment. It is our Lifeblood. We Hunger.


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